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AIBU?

to report this to FB/primary school child protection officer

169 replies

MrsBlimey · 14/04/2016 14:01

So I'm on FB and one of the suggested friends for me is an (only just) 9 yr old girl who is the same class as my kids at school. Was so surprised I clicked on it as I was shocked that a 9 yr old would have a profile and I wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything massively dodgy.

Turns out on the profile she says her date of birth is 10 yrs earlier than it really is (presumably so that she can create an account). Can't immediately see that there is anything massively dodgy (apart from that) on the profile but then again I'm not friends with her so there may be other bits restricted to just people she's friends with.

So, with my judgy pants well and truly up to my chest and almost keeping my neck warm, should I report this to FB?

Should this also (judgy pants working as a hat now) be reported to school, which is very hot at the moment on esafety issues with that class in particular?

Sadly I am reluctant to raise the issue with the child's mother personally as I (and many others) have been on the receiving end of unnecessary nastiness and unwarranted vitriol a bit like local vigilantism in the past, which lead to my own kids being bullied by her daughter and her friends in school.

Have no desire to seek revenge for the bullying by reporting the profile, btw, although I can see how that might be misinterpreted.

I am a teacher too (different school) and I have dealt with parents with similar concerns which were taken seriously by both FB and the school.

WWYD??

OP posts:

Report

DropYourSword · 14/04/2016 14:03

I think I'd leave WELL alone!

ChoccyLabsAreFab · 14/04/2016 14:06

I would mind my own business. Shame you can't mention it to the parents in case they don't know, but it's not that bad.

lborolass · 14/04/2016 14:06

This isn't unusual, I have had friend suggestions for several children under 13 who are schoolfriends of my DCs.

I wouldn't say anything, if they are being suggested to me they will also be suggested to their parents or already be friends with them.

If I looked and saw something that worried me and they weren't friends with a parent I might mention it in a non judgemental way

Cuttheraisins · 14/04/2016 14:10

Problem is her parents have probably agreed to it. Many of ds's school friends are on fb, he is 10, some have put their profiles up when they were 9. We've had information sessions about this at school.

In your shoes I would not report it. But I understand if you do.

RaeSkywalker · 14/04/2016 14:17

A woman I went to high school with created a profile for her daughter when she was first born. Her DD is 5 now and the mother is constantly tagging the profile in pictures and status updates. I doubt that the 5 year old even knows about the account!

MrsBlimey · 14/04/2016 14:19

Thanks all - I'm feeling that way too but I really don't have too much faith in the mother (for reasons already explained) to be supervising her use of it. So I guess it's the possible lack of guidance and support from an adult rather than the profile existing in itself, iyswim. I do t wish things to kick off st school but I do worry (as a teacher and a parent) what the girl might be exposed to.

OP posts:

curren · 14/04/2016 14:20

My dd has Instagram (12). What you can't see is that the account is logged on on my phone. I have full access and all notifications pop up in my screen.

Unless you think her parents don't know or there is something that's not right on it, I would keep out.

MrsBlimey · 14/04/2016 14:21

Rae - I've heard of that too and it's always struck me as having gone a bit far. Some people need to get out more, imo!

It certainly looks in this case as if this kid is using a profile all by herself.

OP posts:

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 14/04/2016 14:21

My son had his own facebook account at about 3 months, so i could tag him in photos for family to see

NKFell · 14/04/2016 14:22

I don't with children having Facebook accounts but, don't report it. Her parents probably know and have made their decision.

NKFell · 14/04/2016 14:23

That should be "I don't *agree with the children having Facebook accounts" !

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 14/04/2016 14:23

I doubt that the 5 year old even knows about the account!

It was a shorthand for grannies who were only on facebook to see these photos of far flung grandkids, so they could ignore the rest of their feed.

it might not work for you but it worked for us.

MrsBlimey · 14/04/2016 14:29

Having now taken my judgy pants off from the flag pole in front of the house (got a great airing!), I do recognise that just because it says you have to be 13 to join, doesn't mean that everyone is exactly who they say they are on FB. I get all that and I certainly don't want to poke a stick at a grizzly bear by being massively confrontational about it. However, given past history and all that, I'm still not entirely convinced that leaving well alone is going to be helpful for the sake of the child.

So do I really just wring my middle class protective mother hands and do nothing? How British!

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NewStartNewName · 14/04/2016 14:38

My DS has had his profile since he was 10, everything gets sent to my phone via email - what his friends post, his messages etc. You wouldn't know this by looking at his profile. Unless there is something particularly alarming then there's nothing to report

summerdreams · 14/04/2016 14:42

I thouht this was quite common these days facebook dont care, the school probably wont care and parents probably know.

mouldycheesefan · 14/04/2016 14:56

The school cannot police childrens social media usage or tell everyone who is underage and has an account not to. If the mother is exceptionally difficult they probably have more significant issues with the family than FB. This is a parenting not an education issue . I do share your concern though. You can however report to FB that she is underage. That is what my mum did when a family member let their underage child have a profile.

tinyterrors · 14/04/2016 15:01

It's common these days. I know a fair few under 10s with their own Facebook. It doesn't make it right but I can't see how school can do anything, tbh it's none of school's business.

Even if school did do something it would likely be to call the mum and talk to her about it but at the end of the day they can't make her delete the account.

MrsBlimey · 14/04/2016 15:03

Mouldy - think you've hit nail on head that school have better CP matters with that child to be getting on with.

If you do report something like this to FB, is it anonymous, does anyone know?

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curren · 14/04/2016 15:04

What is you expect the school to do?

Ask the mother if she has given permission? They are unlikely to do that as they wont want to get involved when it's entirely possible they do know.

Got to be honest I would be pissy of the school felt the need to pull me up on what my dd does at home.

Or do you expect them to ban her from it? Not going to happen.

All schools now speak to pupils about online use. I doubt they will get involved because you think it's possible, the parent doesn't know or isn't monitoring it correctly. But that's only based on your opinion and not facts at all.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 14/04/2016 15:08

I know several people who have done what RaeSkywalker describes - created an account for children as newborn babies, and used it to tag every picture or reference they post on fb about their child (and sometimes the child's siblings) so that the child will have it as a kind of record when they grow up. One couple post soppy messages to each other from that account pretending to be their 18 month old (along the lines of "thank you for taking me to the zoo today Mummy, I had a lovely day and you looked so pretty in that top, I have the best Mummy in the world blah blah blah love from your non verbal only just toddling offspring). I see them as they tag each other though I am not "friends" with the baby... It s a bit vomit inducing but harmless I assume.

I suppose they see it as the 21st century baby book, though it relies somewhat on fb remaining in existence for ever more it is not an internet safety issue ...

The assumption they were using it as a baby/ childhood record would stop me reporting to fb as it would be a shame for something like that to be lost - but of course it is vulnerable to being taken down...

If I actually knew for certain the 9 year old was using the account themselves I might click report though...

MrsBlimey · 14/04/2016 15:15

Schwabisch - (tolle Name, btw!) that's a pretty vommy situation you describe there! Sadly though the current one isn't a 'tag the kid' type profile - it's a proper one which the child uses herself, complete with crazy nine year old spelling n'all.

Just to be clear, it's not the abuse of the English language I'm concerned about!

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lborolass · 14/04/2016 15:15

I believe you can report anonymously to facebook, as in the person won't know who's reported it, obviously facebook will.

I reported an account once, not for being underage, and tbh I was a bit underwhelmed by the response. FB did message me back but it wasn't at all clear to me that they'd taken any action.

RaeSkywalker · 14/04/2016 15:56

Passive I wasn't passing judgement on you, just simply saying that the account in question might not even be controlled by the child, but by their parent.

SymphonyofShadows · 14/04/2016 16:07

I think it depends on the school. DS2's primary school recently sent out an email reminding parents that children were 'not allowed' on FB when some year 5's were found to have accounts. Not sure why the school were looking, I presume there had been an issue. The Head is rather dictatorial though

CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 14/04/2016 16:32

Playing devil's advocate...

A lot of children have FB because a lot of gaming apps incentivise logging into FB by offering free power ups .
FB hosts quite a lot of games too and it's a good medium for getting lives from other people.

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