To want to swap 'good life' for city?(24 Posts)
A few years back we moved from London zone 2 for 'better quality of life'. Swapped our 2 bed flat for gorgeous 5 bed house with acres of fields around, lovely primary school ten mins drive away, peace and tranquility. A few years, 2 children, a redundancy and DP away a lot for work later, and I think we should sell up and move to the south east to be together in a place with more diversity, opportunities for work and closer to friends. Except DP loves this place, it's his sanctuary and sanity. I also worry about property prices, over subscribed schools, overly competitive cliques, etc, etc. AIBU to uproot us all and making a massive mistake?
Where are your friends? Have you made friends locally? Are you connected to your present area
What a difficult dilemma - for me there would be no contest: just stay where you are. The real difficulty is that you and your OH feel differently and you have some challenging discussions to come.
I can only say that all my children were brought up in the countryside and we have never regretted this. The security of smaller schools was good and they never lacked for friends. They are tolerant and open-minded even though they were brought up in an area with a not very diverse population. Although I have to say that we now have a large E European community here, and I am sure that similar applies to other rural areas now.
I am not sure why you feel you should uproot again.
I would move back like a shot but a true 'townie'. I think countryside is great for primary school kids but then London becomes a fantastic option. What about moving to a green area of London?
Moving back mainly so DC and I see DP more than 3 days a week, more chance of work for me, more balance between me and husband both earning and caring for kids.
Thanks super - thinking Herts or bucks but property prices so much higher. Happy to downsize but it seems crazy to have to pay mega bucks (3 or 4 times what you'd pay here) for 3/4 bed semi family home. What price can you put on time with DP though? Don't want to sleep walk into kids being teenagers and having dad not around for most of the time.
Have friends locally and kids have lovely friendship groups at school and out of school activities... Would miss them too!
Not sure how this is a question for MN when you've said the house is your DHs sanctuary and sanity - seems a bit bloody cruel to unilaterally decide to take that from him for some inchoate and I'll expressed fears that don't make much sense.
Well kingdom, maybe you're right - Aibu! That's one of the fears and hence the post. But me not seeing him, and him not seeing kids v much also affecting not just my sanity.
If you lived in Bucks or Herts would you see more of him? Would he commute daily? I don't know where you live, but North Bucks is very different to South Bucks as far as house prices go. Some villages in the north are not far from stations. The same applies to some areas of Oxfordshire and west Hertfordshire. Do you need 5 bedrooms? Have you made friends or could you start again quite happily elsewhere. You may be able to persuade him that a sanctuary nearer to his work is obtainable and you may be in a better position to find work too should you want to.
The things you are worrying about could apply if you move back to London.
Do you not like where you live, it does sound like you don't.
If you rented your house out would it be enough to cover a rental in Bucks/Herts?
At least that way you'd always have that as your place to retire to?
We're here - NE Wales. It's beautiful. I love it. My husband's not here so much as away. Haven't posted a view of DP - but I think DC and I would prefer a view of him every morning more than these gorgeous hills.
No, don't need 5 bedrooms or acres of land. 4 beds and a decent garden would be perfect. A school place is important though - and it seems that's a much bigger ask!
Not sure about renting - might look into that a bit more as a safety net.
Thanks for all your replies.
Is there a compromise to be had?
I would hate not living in the City and wouldn't have been prepared to make the move in the first place, I don't think, so can understand why you want to move back, but is there somewhere with some of the advantages of the City but still quieter and not as expensive to keep those advantages?
How tied are you by anything else - work for example? (I know you said he works away a lot).
"Moving back mainly so DC and I see DP more than 3 days a week, more chance of work for me, more balance between me and husband both earning and caring for kids."
This speaks volumes. No rural idyll is going to compensate for this.
Think about what jobs you might be able to apply for and where. Look carefully at commute times for both of you (living in Bucks but commuting to London could be tricky). Think about how school hours and holidays will be accommodated.
Its not an easy one. Your kids may well be unhappy to move away from established friendships. You'll certainly have less space and higher outgoings. It will probably be noisier and more polluted.
But if you're unhappy with the current balance you do need to change it. You don't have to sacrifice everything you want for your children or your husband. Your needs are important too.
I couldn't cope with the set up you have, no matter how big the house or cute the village.
Your view is beautiful! Personally I would spend as much time with the people you love while you can. This sounds a bit dramatic but life is so bloody short!
I think you reasons for wanting to move are sound and make sense. But if your dh loves it where you are so much that's tricky. I wouldn't worry about the kids at all - kids are fine as long as in a stable and happy home environment. They'll adapt and make new friends.
I am like a stick of rock with Londoner running through it so I'm terribly biased but a great view of hills out of a window means nothing much to me. My house in London has amazing views over part of the city anyway . I'm glad my three teens have been brought up in a place of diversity, culture, great social opportunities etc etc.
In theory i love the countryside- rolling hills, sweet fresh air, country walks. In reality it drove me/us mad - v cliquey, queen bee dominated, narroeminded, had to drive everywhere, little culture, nothing for older kids, schools not nearly as good, boring life. On my doorstep now such a range of things to do, real diversity of relatively open-minded people, much much more interesting!
I grew up in a rural paradise. Acres of space. A bedroom each, plus a couple of spares and a playroom. Friendly little primary school. Idyllic. Sort of. It was also pretty lonely. You couldn't choose your friends, you just had to try and get along with the other kids the same sort of age.
We now live in suburbs and love it. No we don't have a massive house. Only a postage stamp garden and definitely no amazing views. However, we only need one car (and not even NEED that really) as can walk, cycle, bus or get train everywhere need to. There's tonnes of activities, toddler , mums meetup groups, around. There's areas of Outstanding Natural Beauty within 20mins drive. Country parks in cycling distance. Loads of parks and playgrounds really close. London less than an hour. Beach about an hour. OK so there may be 6 primary/infant schools within 30mins walk of our house - when the time comes we'll get a space at one of them, but getting a space at one you want is more of a challenge!
I know of a few people recently who have made to move from the city/town life to rural areas for 'the better life'. I don't get it myself. I much prefer having lots to 'do' on my doorstep!!! Pretty scenery and sunsets are why I go on holiday.
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