Advanced search

AIBU to 'change my mind'.....?

(130 Posts)
whatsthepointinwasps Wed 13-Apr-16 22:10:47

Ok so this is my first ever post but I've followed some of the other AIBUs so here goes....
My youngest is 18yrs old so not technically a child (oh yeah right hahaha)
I'm off work with a nasty chest infection and feeling pretty
grotty but not totally incapacitated (can still move about, just slowly with lots of rests)
I was lying on my bed with Nflixs when my son (said 18yr old) came in and asked me what I wanted for tea, I was touched and surprised he offered so I asked for tinned soup and banana sandwich.
He asked me if I wanted it now so I said 'yes that'd be nice thanks' and he went downstairs.
He put on his music and there were noises from the kitchen.
Fast forward nearly two hours food appearing....
I ventured downstairs to find him in dining room on his laptop with the remnants of his meal beside him. 'Er I thought you were going to do my food too,' I said......'Oh yeah, I'll do it now,' he replied.
Another half an hour passed.....he appeared at door of my room....
'Can you just do your own tea as I don't feel like doing it now,' he said.
'But you said you would, you offered to do it in the first place' I answered.
He said 'I know but I've changed my mind now.'
The thing is I wasn't expecting him to offer to cook for me but the fact that he did then was so blasé about his 'change of mind' actually hurt me.
I feel this is dragging on so I'll cut to the chase (thank god finally I hear you all sigh)
Would it be unreasonable of me to wait till the next episode of 'Mum would you...' or Mum can you....', initially agree, make him wait a while then say 'Well actually I've changed my mind now'?
Is that petty? I had been planning to rustle up the soup/sandwich myself before he asked anyway.
Should I just forget it? Put it down to 'He's a teenager and it's better to pick your battles'?
Sorry about the length of this but if anybody who has struggled through to the bitter end would care to comment I'd be most grateful

Thisismyfirsttime Wed 13-Apr-16 22:17:34

He's 18, not 8 and he offered to make you something and actually asked what you wanted him to make you and then didn't do it! I wouldn't play childish games with him by waiting until he asked for something, I'd tell him straight up that it wasn't a nice thing to do considering you would have eaten without his intervention and now you haven't. I'd tell him it wasn't nice and that he can't treat you like that!

drivingmisspotty Wed 13-Apr-16 22:18:10

Oh you poor thing. I would also be a bit hurt, your DS was quite thoughtless.

Doing the same thing back is a bit tit for tat. How do you think he would react? Would he understand if you explained to him that you were ill and felt disappointed? cake and brew for lack of banana sandwich/soup emoji.

EatShitDerek Wed 13-Apr-16 22:20:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatsthepointinwasps Wed 13-Apr-16 23:01:13

Yes I agree now that annoyance has died off I do think it would be a bit childish and tit for tat to do the 'changed my mind' thing....I was planning to have a talk with him tomorrow about certain other stuff so here's one more point to mention.

As for dipping sandwich in soup, I hadn't thought of that....but now I am. I chose those items as I knew I wouldn't be up to doing much in the form of, well anything, so grabbed soup and bread from shop next to chemist when I got my prescription yesterday.

made it myself in the end while he played his Xbox

Thanks for feedback :-)

Pettywoman Wed 13-Apr-16 23:07:58

Yeah, should've been a cheese sandwich to dip in. You had a lucky escape there with the banana, he did you a favour. grin

I did that earlier today with DH and tea. I offered and forgot. I do feel bad but think we're even now because he did a disgusting fart that I took as payback (tmi).

ForTheSakeOfFuck Wed 13-Apr-16 23:13:58

In my deeply immature way, I would respond in kind because WINNING at parenting. I'd rationalise it to myself by saying that actually, sometimes the only way to kick someone right in the empathy is to make them experience it themselves.

And then afterwards I'd try not to feel like I'd lost the moral high-ground.

Dutchess61 Wed 13-Apr-16 23:19:19

Unhelpful but typical. My DS did this to me a while back. I wanted to cry and kill him. We've had a chat since and he told me I wasn't allowed to be ill, it upset him too much to see me like that!

MirriVan Wed 13-Apr-16 23:20:54

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dutchess61 Wed 13-Apr-16 23:22:34

How can you tell a mother her child is a dick?

ForTheSakeOfFuck Wed 13-Apr-16 23:23:42


Bit harsh. He may have acted like a dick for that moment, and may do careless things again in the future, but from a single snapshot it's fairly strong to conclude that he's a dick overall. Would every minute of your teenage years survive close scrutiny?

Lilyargin Wed 13-Apr-16 23:28:01

Very poor behaviour indeed from your son. The forgetting happens to us all, but not even a sorry? Then doing it again, then re-negging! I would have insisted he made it for me there and then. And apologised. You are nb at all u. I hope you feel better soon.

Canyouforgiveher Wed 13-Apr-16 23:30:44

and he told me I wasn't allowed to be ill, it upset him too much to see me like that!

he played you Dutchess!

OP, I would sit him down tomorrow and tell him you felt he was inconsiderate/ thoughtless today.

Then the next time he asked for a lift to town or another favour, I'd say yes. then when the time came to do it say "oh I've changed my mind" and wait a beat. Then explain that is exactly how he treated you when you were ill and it isn't nice, is it? (then I would personally give the lift or whatever favour it was but I am a pushover)

MirriVan Wed 13-Apr-16 23:31:36

Aye. Too harsh. Sorry.

EatShitDerek Wed 13-Apr-16 23:35:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas Wed 13-Apr-16 23:36:00

That's really selfish, I wouldn't be happy at all if he were mine

Dutchess61 Wed 13-Apr-16 23:40:54

He didn't play me at all. Kids hate their parents being "weak" whether that being due to illness or not. It's natural.

NightWanderer Wed 13-Apr-16 23:45:17

A friend of mines husband was awful to her when she was ill. He really treated her like shit. I don't buy all this mums not allowed to be ill stuff. We're human, our kids should learn that. Otherwise they grow into uncaring adults.

Dutchess61 Wed 13-Apr-16 23:48:07

Dear oh dear, do you think for a moment that I and the Op won't have stern words with them? Do think that girls don't do this at the age of 18 either?

MidniteScribbler Wed 13-Apr-16 23:51:28

Of course he's being a dick. He's 18 - old enough to vote, marry, drink and procreate. People need to stop making excuses for their "children" and start expecting them to grow the fuck up and act like members of a household. "Changing your mind" on cooking dinner for a sick person so that you can play a computer game is a dick move, at any age.

Dutchess61 Wed 13-Apr-16 23:52:23

People need to stop thinking 18 is an adult, they are still half cooked beings.

DixieNormas Wed 13-Apr-16 23:53:51

Fucking hell if they can't have a bit of compassion for a sick parent at that age there's something wrong.

Half cooked beings my arse

Homebird8 Wed 13-Apr-16 23:56:24

True Dutchess, but human beings capable of consideration and effort.

Dutchess61 Wed 13-Apr-16 23:56:37

18 is not an adult, would you welcome your 18 year old having a child then Dixie? would you welcome their wise choices if they stated they wanted to get married? err no.

Dutchess61 Wed 13-Apr-16 23:57:40

18 year olds by far and large are selfish, its not unusual. I was.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now