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AIBU?

To want my weekends as relaxation time not babysitting other people's kids time

128 replies

I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:28

Myself and DH work 5 days per week and weekends are precious. We have two ds 12 and 10. DH's younger brother and SIL have a child 18 months old. BIL can't hold down a job - gets bored and relies on FIL for most things. He recently started a new job full time and she works full time. Toddler in nursery 5 days per week.

MIL and FIL look after the baby on Saturdays - they either go their house or BIL/SIL go to MIL/FIL' house. This is every Saturday and even when the child is ill - they will go to MIL/FIL house - mid week whatever. Fine whatever they want to do. However MIL/FIL have now said they will only go to BIL/SIL house to look after child because when they go to MIL/FIL house they either go to bed and go shopping - no interaction with toddler at all.

MIL/FIL are away on a cruise at the moment. We get a call - can we come over this weekend? FFS AIBU to not want to go entertain this? We had them a couple of weeks ago - they came on a Sunday when my parents were there - were fed Sunday lunch and I ended up looking after the toddler. I don't want it to be a regular occurrence and I feel they need to look after their own kid occasionally - maybe take them out somewhere. Prepared to be told I'm unreasonable.

OP posts:

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BroughtmyownBag · 13/04/2016 20:31

Of course you're not unreasonable. Except, you are unreasonable if you are letting anyone pressureise you into this.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 13/04/2016 20:32

Wow, sounds like they don't really want the reality of a child. Do you know whether it was a planned pregnancy? Either way, they ABU and YANBU, they need to learn to care for their own child.

HackAttack · 13/04/2016 20:33

Yanbu, just say no

I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:33

My husband just says but its my brother. I say but its my weekend. We are not particularly close and haven't seen them for months before baby was born.

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QuiteLikely5 · 13/04/2016 20:33

So when they visit the in laws they go for a nap or go shopping is that right?

Or is the agreement that the in laws have the toddler all day/night Saturday whilst Bil/sil get a break?

If so why do the Pils go to your Bils house?

I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:34

It was planned and a surprise to the family. They had a dog and gave that to MIL because they couldn't cope with her.....I see where this is going......

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JakeBallardswife · 13/04/2016 20:35

Say no, plan a fun day out for your kids & Dh!

shiteattheseaside · 13/04/2016 20:35

Sounds like there not coping very well tbh, but yanbu to not want to - youve got kids too. Just say no or make an excuse

QuiteLikely5 · 13/04/2016 20:35

I think you are being a tad judgey

Lots of grand parents babysit one day per week to give parents a rest.........working FT and looking after a toddler can be demanding.......you seem to think badly of them for taking the opportunity to have time to themselves?

I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:36

Yes when they visit they either sleep or go shopping when at PIL's house. But they are concerned that they are not engaging enough with child so have said we will only come to your own house. They engage more with child when they are at their own home.

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StableYard · 13/04/2016 20:36

If your DH is so desperate, let him go by himself.

I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:37

No not at all resentful of free time but In laws are not young - 70+ and FIL has had two heart valve replacements and nearly died. Constantly ill.

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TresDesolee · 13/04/2016 20:37

Yy, if your DH likes childcare so much let him do it - I wouldn't go under any circumstances. Can your DH not see what they are doing?

BackforGood · 13/04/2016 20:38

At 10 and 12, my dc would have played with / looked after their 18month old cousin , and loved it. As the Aunty, I would have had to fight to get a look in.

Maybe look at it from that point of view - cousins building relations with each other?

Topseyt · 13/04/2016 20:38

You are not at all unreasonable.

They sound like piss-takers. Tell them you can't come over, you have a prior engagement. Any story will do.

Don't let them get their foot in the door here.

DoreenLethal · 13/04/2016 20:38

His brother - he goes.

Your weekend - you do what you want at the weekend.

Xmasbaby11 · 13/04/2016 20:38

Yanbu. Toddlers are exhausting! It sounds like they get help nearly every week so they really can't complain.

I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:39

Sorry if made it unclear - they are coming to our house.

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AddToBasket · 13/04/2016 20:39

You are being judgey. Parents of young children need lots of support.

Your DH can go without you though. YWBA to tell him he has to spend Saturday with you not his niece/nephew.

I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:42

As I said they want to come to my house, eat my food and probably use my bed!!

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WonkoTheSane42 · 13/04/2016 20:42

They had a dog and gave that to MIL because they couldn't cope with her.....I see where this is going......

Do you think they're going to put an ad on Gumtree to rehome the kid?

I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:43

I could honestly see it happening because they are in denial.

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TheDowagerCuntess · 13/04/2016 20:44

^
I think you are being a tad judgey

Lots of grand parents babysit one day per week to give parents a rest.........working FT and looking after a toddler can be demanding.......you seem to think badly of them for taking the opportunity to have time to themselves?

I think you are being a tad disingenuous.

Can they not cope for just one weekend when their parents/PIL are away, and not rely on the OP and her family? What about their 'time to themselves'?

YANBU. Very much agree that you should just send your DH to prop the pair of them up for one weekend.

MiniCooperLover · 13/04/2016 20:48

Tell your DH not to be ridiculous !!! Or ring BIL/SIL and say they're welcome to come and you'll just need to pop out for a while so they won't mind watching your kids will they ?!? They'll find a reason not to come over I'm sure.

QuiteLikely5 · 13/04/2016 20:48

Op I totally understand you don't want to babysit - fair enough but I was speaking about your other comments

How can the parents state they will only go to their house to look after the child when you said they are babysitting anyway? If they are babysitting then why do parents need to engage with the child?

Yes I think it strange if they visit you and hop into bed but are they asking to visit or asking you to babysit because I'm confused

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