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DM AIBU

(6 Posts)
Tryingtostayyoung Wed 13-Apr-16 19:10:26

I'm going to give a bit of backstory so I don't drop feed and looking for honest general opinions as I genuinely have no idea.

I come from a family where eveybody is extremely close for instance I speak to my siblings and my parents every day and my DM multiple times as does my DH with his DM. We have a "proper" get together every other month with our cousins aswell at my DP. Unfortunately my mum has lost her mum and 2 sisters in the last few years so this means that my mum looks to me and only me to help her do all the food and get everything ready with her. We're not talking about dinner for 25 people more like 10 adults and 6 children.

So my AIBU is that sometimes I have absolutely no problem going and helping but other times I just don't want to go to my DPs at 9:am cook all day and then stay there all evening for dinner and also it means that I would normally also spend the entire day away from DD and DH because DH would want to be with her as he's been at work all week. I think my issue is that although I don't mind I feel this massive sense of pressure to ALWAYS go and help like if one time I can't I know that my DM will be severely disappointed sad and lonely as she finds life hard in general without her sisters and DM here. Probably relevant to mention aswell that my DM is absolutely wonderful, does everything for me and my little family and has always been a massive support but just sometimes I don't think she realises the pressures that i face of having my own family and also I don't understand why she can't ask my DB to go and help instead sometimes.

SmellsLikeMiddleAgeSpirit Wed 13-Apr-16 19:13:18

Is this help you give her only every other month? It doesn't seem to excessive if so

WiiUnfit Wed 13-Apr-16 19:13:38

This is a difficult one. DM may need this time with you having lost 3 close female relatives.

Equally, I understand you wanting that time with your DH & DC.

Have you spoken to her about it?

Could you take the pressure off yourself (and her) by suggesting you all get a take out on some occasions?

Sunnybitch Wed 13-Apr-16 19:14:31

She probably loves spending the one on one time with you and looks forward to it as being a bit of mother/daughter time. It's only one day every other month so I would say YABU

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 13-Apr-16 19:20:27

Oh god no, sorry probably should have mentioned aswell that I see her and my DF atleast twice a week mon-fri and atleast once a month me, DH, DP, DB and his little family all go out for dinner or something like that so I give her plenty of me and her time. I don't think my AIBU is actually about her wanting the help it's more that sometimes it would be nice if she asked my DB to help her.

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 13-Apr-16 19:24:48

I have suggested a few times about getting a takeaway but she meets that with, "no everyone will want a proper dinner" lol, I just want to make her happy so l always nod and say yes ofcourse. We have it coming up again next Saturday and I just really don't want to do it, I said to her why don't you ask DB for once in a jokey way and she just said noooo he's so busy hmm

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