To think I haven't done anything wrong?

[DreamCloud99]

It's DT's birthday this coming Tuesday.

DH is working a half day on their actual birthday and the boys will be in pre school for half a day too.

They are having a party with a few of their friends , the following weekend (after their birthday).

My mum rang me this morning and said she wants to give the boys their gifts this Sunday and have a little party for them BEFORE their birthday .

I explained that Sunday is the only day DH has off over the weekend and the boys want to go to the farm for their birthday treat so we can't make that day.

I suggested we bring the boys over to hers after pre school on the day of their birthday so she can see them .

I suggested a time in the evening that I knew she would be in . It would mean us changing our existing plans and means the boys would be out later than usual but it's a one off and I thought she would like to see them on their actual birthday .

She said no and declared it's going to be too late so not to bother . I reassured her the boys would be fine and we are happy to do it .

She then suggested the day before their birthday - it's a Monday and DH is working all evening and the boys are at pre school all day so I said we couldn't make that day .

She got a bit stroppy and told me to just do what I want to do if I must come on the Tuesday. I explained again, I'm trying to help so she can see the boys on their actual birthday . I explained it's actually up to her and to decide what she wants to do - either see them on their birthday or the weekend of their party .

Mum said just to leave it and she will see the boys after their party the following weekend.

She's made me feel like I've upset her and I've no idea why

It's almost like she can't have what she wants so she doesn't want it at all

Did I do something wrong?

[coffeeisnectar]

No you didn't. But maybe she doesn't understand just how hard it is to co-ordinate a day for you and your family where the dc aren't in preschool and your DP isn't working.

Just leave it be. She'll come round hopefully.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

No, you didn't.

Your mum had, in her mind, arranged a little pre-birthday celebration for your sons on the Sunday before their birthday before checking to see whether they would be free to visit that day.

It sounds as though she's behaving a bit like a spoilt child as you haven't offered to cancel the farm visit and go along with her wishes.

[ollieplimsoles]

It sounds as though she's behaving a bit like a spoilt child as you haven't offered to cancel the farm visit and go along with her wishes.

This^

She had her own little idea of their birthday in her head and you have gone against it

you did nothing wrong op, I hope your boys have a great birthday

[plainjanine]

Is she always this manipulative? Does she often guilt trip you when she doesn't get her way? or is this a one-off?

YANBU. You've explained why her plan doesn't work for you and offered a couple of alternatives. It sounds like she's cutting off her nose to spite her face, to be honest.

[PeppaIsMyHero]

Did she try to plan your wedding to suit her own vision too?!

You've done nothing wrong, in fact it sounds like you are considering everyone else as much as possible. If she misses out it is her loss. Chin up.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Er no, you didn't do anything wrong!

[WonderingAspie]

YANBU. My MIL is a bit like this. She likes everything to be on her terms, when she is free. We refuse to pander and she can see us when we are free.

She's clearly throwing a strop because you won't drop everything for what she wants to do. Is this a common thing with her?

[MattDillonsPants]

Why does your DP need to go too? Isn't it just a chance for your Mum to see them? It's not their actual birthday party.

[frazmum]

YANBU. It's not her birthday.

[Tinklewinkle]

YANBU

My MiL is like this too, has to have everything on her terms, when she suggests it. We live a couple of hundred miles away from her so do try to accommodate her but can't/won't always drop everything for her then she'll huff and sulk

She's currently not speaking to us as she called a few weeks ago asking is she could come and stay the middle weekend of the Easter holidays. We had already booked to take our kids to Center Parks. It was a long standing plan, with some friends who have children the same age as ours. Offered her Easter weekend or the weekend after but she got all huffy when we refused to cancel. DH actually asked her if she seriously expected us to cancel our holiday, one that was all booked and paid for, that the kids were excited about and were looking forward to seeing their friends. She just muttered a bit and hasn't spoken to us since

[storminabuttercup]

This sounds like my mum, she will ask me to do something on X day, I will say I can't but can do it on A, B or C day, these are never good enough and I'm told to forget it as I'm being selfish...

Just say ok, no problem see you after the party. You've tried to accommodate it, she had decided what she wanted if she can't change her mind tough. It's difficult and you will probably get grief or if like mum the silent treatment but it's best to stick to your guns.

[Ohsotired123]

No, you didn't. Why, just why, would your mum want to throw her own birthday party for your children. She's had her chance at being mum and throwing parties. It's almost controlling op.

[DreamCloud99]

It is good to know IANBU!

It's not unusual for her to behave like this - she took a real huff on the Twins' first Christmas because we wanted to stay at home rather than spend hours on end at her house .

We invited her over but it wasn't good enough and she made me feel like I was wrong