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To be fuming at DH's concern for the woman who is making my life a misery??

(71 Posts)
SandDancerSkye Tue 12-Apr-16 20:45:37

Sorry, an extension on my last issue where I posted about a senior colleague at work bullying me, shouting and screaming at me in front of students and junior colleagues, really showing me up and then continuing to harass me all shift about various bits of shit that she later admitted were non issues - when I got upset she shit herself and started nattering at me about whether I was going to report her or not (she has 3 bullying marks against her name already). She even called me at home to harass me about this. Yesterday was not an isolated incident, this woman has been making my life very difficult with the same kind of humiliating behaviour for months.
Anyway, today (after she'd got off the phone nattering me about whether I was going to report her or not!!) she fell and sprained her ankle at work. She'll be off work for a few weeks. I sent DH a cheeky text telling him what had happened and a little comment about karma being a bitch. Well his response was to tell me I was being nasty, I was being insensitive and a bully(!!!!!!) and I'm out of order. I reminded him that I finished yesterday's shift at work crying, laid awake most of the night crying and seriously considering trying to get signed off on stress after yesterday's shift. His response was "oh it was only words what she said, no need to wish the poor woman harm" !!!

AIBU to think he's being an absolute dick?? If she's been run over by a truck and I was celebrating then yeah, I could see his point but she's sprained her ankle and will be off work for a bit (thus I'll have some peace at work!!). Can't believe he's more concerned about her than his very soon to be wife who genuinely thought she was on the edge of a breakdown last night!

DoreenLethal Tue 12-Apr-16 20:47:24

I saw this on the other thread and immediately wanted to drop kick him. So YANBU.

But you do need to report her.

Crispbutty Tue 12-Apr-16 20:47:49

A few weeks off for a sprained ankle????

Foslady Tue 12-Apr-16 20:48:44

He's obviously never been bullied. He's being an arse

JenniferYellowHat1980 Tue 12-Apr-16 20:48:59

YANBU, he's being a dick. I don't think he's necessarily more concerned about her but the ticking off is unsupportive and patronising. Rest assured that YANBU in either thread.

SandDancerSkye Tue 12-Apr-16 20:50:41

Thanks guys. You can guarantee if he was having bother at work and had a little grin about one of them hurting themselves I would be expected to offer complete support (as I have numerous times)

MistressDeeCee Tue 12-Apr-16 21:08:47

YANBU and please report her. Try to ignore your non-supportive DH unfortunately some people like to minimise when you're feeling like shit - why he does this, you will know better than anyone else.

StableYard Tue 12-Apr-16 21:15:01

As I said on your other thread - he is an arse

Shenanagins Tue 12-Apr-16 21:18:21

He's being an arse. Now start compiling the facts of the bullying which you can take to your manager this week!

IamtheDevilsAvocado Tue 12-Apr-16 21:23:37

Yup Karma is a bitch! Was it an 'accident' do you think... (I'm being nasty here... But it is convenient for her to be away and hoping for sympathy??)

YDNBU.... She is still a vile bully... Use this time while she is off...put your diary together and please Report... Report.... Report...

Please do it quickly...

Also on your mobile phone is a recorder app... Please use it.... They can't ignore that evidence.

I think you're a nursr/midwife?? A profession sadly known for bullying...

ChickensRideWest Tue 12-Apr-16 21:29:01

Your DH is a twat for saying that. Tell him to sod off.

I'm not a nurse or a MW but I've worked with them and yes bullying all too common. Report the horrible cow OP x

WonderingAspie Tue 12-Apr-16 21:29:21

Saw this on your other thread. He's an arse. Why the hell is he defending her! Have you asked him why he is showing her concern when she is having a huge impact on your mental health!

Groovee Tue 12-Apr-16 21:32:46

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ohtheholidays Tue 12-Apr-16 21:45:53

YANBU but he is,if it was happening to me and that had happened to the person who'd been bullying me my DH would have been the first one to say she deserved it.

Whatamuckingfuddle Tue 12-Apr-16 21:48:00

Perfect time to report. Particularly if you work within the care environment. Which I think you might do, this woman shouldn't be allowed near vulnerable people

Amammi Tue 12-Apr-16 22:06:15

She can only continue to make your life miserable if you let her - don't let this blight your career.
Her own career is in freefall from what you have described.
Don't let her drag you down with her.
Her behaviour was unprofessional but this incident is byond her having a go at you. This is work. You need to get byond your personal hurt and recognise she is a liability for your employer. It will not look well for you if you let this slide others report and she spins a big yarn pulling you into her mess.

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 12-Apr-16 22:12:23

op someone mentioned on the other thread that you could be identifiable on it - since you've posted under the same username here I'd be tempted to ask for this thread to be deleted.

Your H is definitely having an empathy failure though thanks

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 12-Apr-16 22:16:57

She sprained her ankle??? How convenient hmm, I bet there were no witnesses to that "fall", she is totally buying herself time and trying to pull your heart strings in the meantime

But yes he is being a dick

blueturtle6 Wed 13-Apr-16 07:12:05

Report the bully and point out to dh you need his support, yea you may have bena little bitchy over the ankle but when dealing with stress such a thing is seen as relief flowers

Lulu1083 Wed 13-Apr-16 07:17:38

Grovee angry That is a disgusting thing to say.

OP YANBU about any of it. Report her and ignore him, that's a terrible attitude to take when someone you love has been so upset. I too think this is very convenient and would not let it stop me reporting everything. Enjoy the peace!

DinosaursRoar Wed 13-Apr-16 07:22:24

In a slight defence of your DH, do you think he's annoyed you are almost sinking to her level rather than staying professional and reporting her? Could he be worried you've gloated at work to other colleagues, dragging you down to her level?

I would also be annoyed if my DH reacted like yours, but if it was the other way round, I'd really be pissed off if DH thought someone hurting themselves was the punishment for treating him in a bullying and unprofessional way.

You need to report. You've let the bad ankle distract you, get it done.

DinosaursRoar Wed 13-Apr-16 07:22:30

In a slight defence of your DH, do you think he's annoyed you are almost sinking to her level rather than staying professional and reporting her? Could he be worried you've gloated at work to other colleagues, dragging you down to her level?

I would also be annoyed if my DH reacted like yours, but if it was the other way round, I'd really be pissed off if DH thought someone hurting themselves was the punishment for treating him in a bullying and unprofessional way.

You need to report. You've let the bad ankle distract you, get it done.

TendonQueen Wed 13-Apr-16 07:34:15

Don't even think about not reporting this. She has a record of bullying people. For yourself and all your colleagues you need to make it known.

Ignore your DH. His comments really weren't helpful and I would just be pointing out that next time he expects any support, you will remember this.

Snoringlittlemonkey Wed 13-Apr-16 07:40:15

He is being very pompous.

More importantly though is reporting this woman. What are your plans for doing that?

Finola1step Wed 13-Apr-16 07:44:58

Sounds like he enjoys being on top of that moral high ground of his. Beware he doesn't fall off!

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