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Aibu regarding potty training?

(50 Posts)
CantWaitForWarmWeather Tue 12-Apr-16 18:20:13

DS2 is 3.1 and still in nappies.
DS1 was potty trained by now and I keep getting people telling me that DS2 should be potty trained by now.

He shows no interest in the potty and I feel like I'm setting myself up to fail. I try rewards such as a chocolate button but then he just wants the rest of them after having one and screams/paddys for them, which ruins the whole concept.
I should add that DS2 has a speech and language delay and has suspected asd, so trying incentives/rewards and trying to explain what to do I'm not sure that he understands.

I'm just so fed up about it. I didn't enjoy potty training ds1 but at least I felt like I was getting somewhere when he responded to what I was saying to him and understood rewards.

Family keep telling me to knuckle down and get it done, but if I keep doing it and he keeps screaming every time I show him the potty and won't go near it, then we are both going to get more and more fed up and frustrated and he is just going to resent it.
At the same time though, I worry that he won't be poorly trained by the time he starts school!

Health visitor is coming next week to do his 3 year development check, and she told me we will have a chat about his potty training when she comes. She's told me not to get too stressed about it and don't force it, but with family going on and on about it thinking they know best, I naturally listen to the negative comments from my family rather than the reassuring comments from the health visitor.

Do you think I'm unreasonable for not having potty trained him by now? Can anyone give me any tips?

SmokyJoJo Tue 12-Apr-16 18:24:53

I bought a big white potty from Argos & loads of stickers. My daughter decorated the potty herself making it 'her own' if you get what I mean. This made her really proud & she wanted to show it to everyone so using it was exciting as well. We also did a reward chart (one sticker for a wee, two for a poo) & she could choose a toy when she had ten, & the staff at her nursery were incredibly supportive & good.
Hope this helps - good luck wink

SmokyJoJo Tue 12-Apr-16 18:25:48

And no YANBU but your family need to butt out IMO

Paddingtonthebear Tue 12-Apr-16 18:27:08

If he's not interested and also has suspected ASD then I would leave it for now and tell your family to butt out.

FuckSanta Tue 12-Apr-16 18:29:08

Don't bother until he shows signs of being ready. Seriously. Think of it as "potty learning", not training. Did you demand he walked at 10 months?

Moonax Tue 12-Apr-16 18:36:03

Possible ASD and delay in speech and language is enough of an issue without adding potty training to the mix. DS (now 20) was nearly 4 and we too suffered greatly from "helpful" family members telling us how we should be doing things. No tips as such, but try and get the family to leave the subject and you alone. For DS it happened fast and when he was ready. Nothing made any difference at all before then.

HackerFucker22 Tue 12-Apr-16 18:41:31

My NT DS had only just trained by then (he had to be dry by time he started pre-school, which was the day after his 3rd Birthday!)

In fact now at 3.5 DS still has an overnight nappy and occasionally one to poo.

Please relax, tell your family to butt out and just be led by your son!

flingingmelon Tue 12-Apr-16 18:50:30

I agree, have your family wind their neck in. We have had potties around the house for ages. We've initiated potty training several times. This last go, when he's actually wanted to try, has been a completely different experience. We still have accidents, but not in the way we had when he just didn't want to.

CantWaitForWarmWeather Tue 12-Apr-16 18:52:34

My dad has been telling me today how sometimes you just have to stop dilly dallying and get on with things like this hmm He thinks he's right of course. Why doesn't he do it all then and see how far he gets? He will soon realise that everything I have been saying is true. He knows about DS's language and all of the other stuff, but seems to think DS's potty training should be a doddle and can be done in a weekend hmmgrin
Maybe I should suggest he stays there the whole weekend so he can prove me wrong?

With ds1 i did just "get on with it" because there were no developmental delays going against him- No input from anyone else.

NeedACleverNN Tue 12-Apr-16 18:54:26

Well my just turned 3 year old with no problems is still in a nappy

She has no interest in the potty at all

My mil keeps saying things like are you still in a nappy! And I just ignore her

She will do it in her own time

CantWaitForWarmWeather Tue 12-Apr-16 18:55:49

My health visitor asked if he's showing any signs of being ready and I said not really. He knows what a potty is for but doesn't want to use it. She said wait a bit longer then until he seems more ready to use it.

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 12-Apr-16 18:56:21

Your family can fuck off; your DS2 doesn't sound ready or particularly inclined to be, so you sound wise to give it a rest for now. Don't worry brew

CantWaitForWarmWeather Tue 12-Apr-16 18:58:13

Thanks everyone. I've been feeling so down about it recently and its all because of pressure from other people.

PandaPop55 Tue 12-Apr-16 19:00:08

My nt ds is 3.7 and not potty trained. He is not ready and i am not going to stress about it. His older sibling was a nightmare to potty train, i stupidly pushed it too young and all in all it took about a year with more than 1 regression back to nappies. When we had a 2.5 year check with hv was deaparate for me to agree that he was at least showing some interest in potty training or that i was thinking about starting soon so she could tick the box. But she got a firm NO and that was a year ago. His nursery are fine with him being in nappies. I have learned to smile and nod a lot with family, friends etc.

Catsize Tue 12-Apr-16 19:00:09

We wanted until DS was ready and didn't even bother with potties. It kind of happened overnight. One or two accidents, but that is all. He was in nappies for a couple of months after that and then decided he didn't want to be. It worked (couple of accidents though). This was whilst he was 3. Can't say exactly when though. I don't understand why people get excited about this stuff. Your HV seems sensible - say you are following medical advice!

Catsize Tue 12-Apr-16 19:00:50

Should say - for a few weeks he wanted a nappy back on to do a poo(!) and then realised he wasn't going to die if he did one in the loo.

Catsize Tue 12-Apr-16 19:02:02

Sorry - meant to say he was in nappies AT NIGHT for a couple of months after that. Oops.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 12-Apr-16 19:03:19

I could write your post, ds 4, has speech and language delay and some dev delay, catching with peers, though potty training is blooming lagging behind. He has nappies in preschool and uses the toilet when he wants to, but is so immersed in what he is doing and just dies not want to.

He knows and understands, uses the toilet when he remembers but firgets some of the the time. I hope he fully cracks it by the time he reaches school in September. His understanding is good, but told the teacher that he was too busy playing to go to the toilet hmm

Dutchess61 Tue 12-Apr-16 19:04:15

I'd try in the summer months. Much easier.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 12-Apr-16 19:04:37

Funnily enough DD who has ASD and learning difficulties cracked it fully just after her 3 birthday in a few weeks grrrr

CantWaitForWarmWeather Tue 12-Apr-16 19:06:04

I've said that I'm following medical advice from the HV but he said I don't have to follow everything "^they^" say. I feel like banging my head against a wall when he brings the subject up.
I love my dad I really do and he is a brilliant grandad/ the boys adore him, but when he thinks he knows best about stuff like this I just feel like telling him to stfu.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Tue 12-Apr-16 19:08:49

My son was four several months ago. He has suspected ASD too. He hasn't the fucking foggiest what's going on in his nappy.

Sometimes it takes longer than average. Your child looks to be one of the ones who need extra time. Your family need to bog off and mind their business.

NeedACleverNN Tue 12-Apr-16 19:08:54

Let them potty train him

No I know that can't happen really but wouldn't it be tempting

RubbleBubble00 Tue 12-Apr-16 19:09:55

Every child is different, wouldnt even entertain try at the mo if asd is a possibility. None of mine showed signs they were ready (except ds2 who decided to potty train himself around 2 and ds3 was 4 was old grrr) but happy enough with the potty. We have the fisher price frog potty.

I never force them to sit on the potty. I usually stay in for 4 days with no pants or just underpants - my boys seemed to pee anywhere without pants and much better with. If they haven't got it by day 4 and potty refusal then it's back into nappys.

Could you start off gently with nappy free evening perhaps after dinner?

YoJesse Tue 12-Apr-16 19:12:01

Potty training sad. Ds just turned 3 last month and it's been a struggle because I just think he wasn't ready by in my mind 3 equaled 'should be potty trained' so I started a few months shy of 3. We've just about got there in the day but can't see him being night trained any time soon.
My ds is also speech delayed. Don't worry about what family think. I don't think it's that rare nowadays to be potty training post 3.

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