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to ask him to help towards cost of childcare?

(53 Posts)
glasshouses88 Tue 12-Apr-16 13:45:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

splendide Tue 12-Apr-16 13:48:45

I would have thought the most simple solution is to combine finances? Your system sounds quite complicated.

witsender Tue 12-Apr-16 13:50:51

You're a couple, isn't that what couples do? What is his objection to paying for childcare for you to further yourself? Surely you were at uni when you had him?

LeaLeander Tue 12-Apr-16 13:51:44

Wouldn't someone who loved you WANT to contribute to your attending university?

I've nothing against separate finances but this "relationship" sounds pretty grim to me.

What would your situation be in terms of benefits, child maintenance etc. if you split up?

MatildaTheCat Tue 12-Apr-16 13:52:02

If you are 3rd year then presumably you are almost finished? Of course he should help you if you are struggling. Then, hopefully you will be able to get a decent job and contribute more to the family pot.

Once you share a home and children I cannot really understand the concept of being unwilling to help one another financially.

HermioneJeanGranger Tue 12-Apr-16 13:52:10

Why won't he support your studying efforts so you can go on to get a better job?

witsender Tue 12-Apr-16 13:52:22

What is his salary like? Can you (as a couple) afford full time education? You're so nearly there it would be a shame to lose it now.

Iamnotloobrushphobic Tue 12-Apr-16 13:54:10

Me and my husband have separate bank accounts and I have been a student. Whilst I was a student we split all the bills to ensure that we both had roughly the same amount of money left over each month. My husband could not have paid everything from his salary as he wouldn't have had enough money to do so.
Do both you and your husband gave money left over each month?
Who pays the utilities and council tax?
I assume you live together?

glasshouses88 Tue 12-Apr-16 13:58:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Tue 12-Apr-16 13:58:18

I would look at how much I'd get in maintenance and tax credits if you split up. You might be much better off.

'but my nursery I'll stands at about £700 still, I asked dp for the 2nd time last night and he said no because "then I'd be paying for you to go to university" . '

He'd have to pay up half the childcare if you were working, what's the difference? Sounds like he wants you to do things his way or he penalises you financially.

glasshouses88 Tue 12-Apr-16 13:59:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

witsender Tue 12-Apr-16 13:59:37

I did an honours deg in 3 years, hence my confusion...Sorry.

Tbh he doesn't sound to have many redeeming features, you may be better off solo.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Tue 12-Apr-16 14:02:35

Is he working while your son is in childcare? If so then he is benefiting from it so should contribute. Why does the cost of childcare that you both use fall solely on your shoulders?

When you finish your course and are working will you still be expected to pay for all the childcare?

LagunaBubbles Tue 12-Apr-16 14:02:59

It's not your nursery bill - it's your partners to as it is his child to. I get some couples have separate finances and it works for them but this doesn't sound right at all to me.

expatinscotland Tue 12-Apr-16 14:04:13

He sounds resentful of your going to uni. TBH, I'd look at going solo.

glasshouses88 Tue 12-Apr-16 14:05:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iamnotloobrushphobic Tue 12-Apr-16 14:06:20

As his income is so much bigger than yours he should be paying more. You would probably be better off financially if you were single as you would get tax credits, help with rent, your student loan and child maintenance and you would have one less person to buy food for.
As it sounds like you don't really want to be with him I would look into single parent finances.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask Tue 12-Apr-16 14:06:25

OP I'm at uni as well and we just combine everything. The cost of commuting into London for my course and other associated costs plus childcare means my student loan doesn't begin to cover it - me being at uni is definitely costing us money compared to either me doing a job that would break even on childcare or being a SAHM. Effectively 'DH' pays all bills, plus the chunk of childcare that is left over once all my student finance is spent on commuting. Except we don't see it like that - we both contribute to the family in different ways and one major way in which I'm contributing is studying which will lead to a good job and a better future for all of us. All money is family money and gets spent on what the family needs - some months DH needs new clothes, and wants a new PS4 game, and I need and want nothing. Other months I have to replace my train pass, and want new summer clothes, and DS has spent an extra day at nursery to let me get some work done and DH spends nothing on himself. As long as we can afford it and neither of us feel hard done by it doesn't get tallied up to who spent what. I don't see how you can realistically look at it any other way if one of you is earning and the other isn't.

Iamnotloobrushphobic Tue 12-Apr-16 14:11:15

Just thinking again about your student income, it sounds like you are paying way too much into the family pot. When I was a student I was able to contribute because I got additional money from uni for being the 1st in my family to go to uni as well as a maintenance grant and a student loan. I think j had about £900 per month and zero commuting costs and only £25pw childcare costs. Your DH should be paying the lions share in your circumstances.

splendide Tue 12-Apr-16 14:16:28

It doesn't sound like you're very committed to the relationship (either of you), so perhaps you are best looking at splitting up.

glasshouses88 Tue 12-Apr-16 14:21:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glasshouses88 Tue 12-Apr-16 14:22:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WickedGirl Tue 12-Apr-16 14:26:38

So what childcare does your partner pay for? Does he give you "housekeeping" money?

youngestisapsycho Tue 12-Apr-16 14:31:09

He gets £550 a week........ how much is the rent?
How are you paying for everything else on £450 a month?!

age81 Tue 12-Apr-16 14:31:38

He will pay more when you get a job because you are contributing more.

You are paying for most of the house hold expenses now. He sounds like a 'catch'

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