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AIBU?

To tell everyone the real reason!

20 replies

completelydone87 · 12/04/2016 11:04

Long story short! Me and exdp split up in December. I ended it due to him lying about looking for a Job and never doing anything around the house yet when called on it made it into my issue. I was working sometimes 70 hrs a week as well as looking after the dcs and keeping the house etc. Anyway I've since found out that since we split up exdp has told everyone HE left me because I was lazy, never spent time with dcs never cleaned, put family.before job etc him and family are consistently now posting stuff about cheating in a relationship and I get the feeling this is what he told ppl he left me for . Whenever anyone has asked I have always told them that we split due to a mutual decision as I didn't want to cause drama but would I be unreasonable to start telling ppl the real reason. I have full proof of all his lies about looking for work as well as messages off him telling me he doesn't want me to end it and to be honest its pissing me off that he is telling people a load of shit and making me out to be the bad one

OP posts:

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ImperialBlether · 12/04/2016 11:08

I wouldn't get into a Facebook war - keep your dignity - but I would certainly be setting people straight face-to-face.

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2016 11:10

I agree with ImperialBlether. Keep your dignity regarding Facebook, but tell people in RL.

PurpleDaisies · 12/04/2016 11:11

Yep. Facebook wars never ever end well, even when you're in the right. Tell the people you want to know and leave it at that.

Potatoface2 · 12/04/2016 11:12

i would be telling people 'where would i find the time to cheat, what with working, childcare, housework, while watching Mr Useless laying on the settee all day' but thats just me !

completelydone87 · 12/04/2016 11:15

I wasn't planning to plaster it on facebook as satisfying as it would be but like that I've been so tempted to message his mum etc and tell her the real reason her precious son was kicked to the kerb. I'll stay quiet for now but I don't think I can guarantee I wont pull him up next time he comes to pick up dd2

OP posts:

OliviaStabler · 12/04/2016 11:16

Don't play it out on Facebook as others have said, can't end well.

I would just say to anyone who asks, 'If you want to believe his version of events, that's up to you'.

Spl0ink · 12/04/2016 11:25

Tell mutual friends you really care about but don't worry about what cobblers he's peddling to members of his family you never have to see. Chances are they know what a lazy so-and-so he is anyway. Take the moral high ground: you can look down on him splendidly from there

Lighteningirll · 12/04/2016 11:29

His mum won't believe you, all your real friends already know the truth, you are doing the best thing for your dc telling them it was mutual and they will suss him out by themselves. If he is telling your family, neighbours or work colleagues lies then yes I would quietly tell them the truth but otherwise maintain your dignity and congratulate yourself on shedding several useless stone

shovetheholly · 12/04/2016 11:33

Definitely set close friends straight face-to-face. Do not do it on social media, though.

ThinkBeforePosting · 12/04/2016 11:44

I'd delete them all from Facebook and tell any mutual friends that you are not interested in discussing it.

Ex's slagging each other off is normal as you can see on Mumsnet . I would try and put it out my mind and get on with my life.

I wouldn't worry about the lazyness accusations as I bet it's apparent to others what he is like.

If you are texting terms with your ex then you could text and ask him to correct anyone who thinks that you had an affair, he might respond with a message confirming that you didn't have an affair. IYSWIM

oi, dickhead, Ive seen some posts on Facebook about people being unfaithful. I don't know if anyone has got the impression that we split up because of an affair but as you know that was not the reason. Can you please correct people if they make that assumption. Do it for the kids sake if not mine. Thanks

.or something like that - depending on how much of a twunt he is.

paintandbrush · 12/04/2016 11:57

don't get sucked into a laundry day on facebook. Most people probably know exactly what he's like anyway. Also, what kind of a BS excuse is 'my wife didn't work hard enough on top of her 70 hour weeks, so I decided to bugger off and leave her with even more work to do raising DCs alone'?

If you want to have it out, I'd do it in person so he can't manipulate texts etc against you.
Sounds like you're lucky to get shot of him tbh.

aginghippy · 12/04/2016 11:58

YANBU to tell people if it comes up. As pp said, your real friends know the truth already.

Why are you even aware of what he and his family are posting on facebook? Honestly, cut all ties.

BoatyMcBoat · 12/04/2016 12:01

If anyone says anything to you, then tell them he's such a liar and that's one reason why you kicked him out. You don't have to say more than that. Say it with a smile as if you find his silly stories amusing.

LagunaBubbles · 12/04/2016 12:02

Dont know why everyone is going on about Facebook when OP has said she wasnt planning this anyway!

Anyway OP by the sounds of you are well rid of him and people will believe what they want to believe.

RubbleBubble00 · 12/04/2016 12:10

block all his family off fab or hide their feeds

londonrach · 12/04/2016 12:28

Dont lower yourself to his level. Delete him and his friends, family from fb. Just be truthful if anyone asks face to face. Keep your digity as wants goes atound comes around and his lies with show him up later x

londonrach · 12/04/2016 12:29

What and around 😂

BabyDubsEverywhere · 12/04/2016 12:29

I had this with my exh, no dc so no further contact thank god! We live in the same area and will come across his side now and then, we exchange mutual glares (I used to walk away, now I glare!) and move on, they wont believe me over him so there's no point trying to set the record straight... and I fear you are in the same situation. You need to move on, and part of that is not letting this get to you anymore. It takes time. I wanted to end my marriage but there were still unresolved feelings that I needed to reconcile with. Its all part of the process, and your reaction to what he has told people is entwined in that.

I think you need to have a clear out on facebook too, its quite cathartic!

diddl · 12/04/2016 12:39

People who are worth anything to you won't believe him, anyone else doesn't matter.

My ex cheated on me.

diddl · 12/04/2016 12:40

Oops, meant to delete the last bit as not relevant.

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