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Argh stupid pointless lie. I'm such a dick!

(304 Posts)
Namechangeohnamechange Mon 11-Apr-16 20:44:37

Name changed for this because I feel like such a twat but I'm a regular I promise.

Bumped into a guy I've known for a few years today when out for a walk with the dc. Closer to an acquaintance than a friend but have always really liked him.

Anyway we were chatting and he was admiring my dc and he then told me that him and his wife were going through IVF. I don't know what on earth came over me, but next thing I knew I was pointing at DD1 and telling him that she was an IVF baby. She absolutely was not an IVF baby. In fact she was pretty much the opposite.

I know, it was totally stupid. And I don't know why I did it. He just looked so stressed out and sad I think I wanted to give him a positive story and also I've always thought that one of the hardest things about infertility must be the feeling that everyone else around you is getting pregnant without any trouble so I wanted to give him some solidarity.

Anyway. He then said that his wife was struggling a lot and would I have a coffee with her to talk about my experience and raise her spirits. He said he was sure she would love to talk to me about it all as they don't know anyone else that has gone through it. Next thing he was whipping out his phone to make sure he had my number and we went out separate ways.

So fuckity fuck what on earth do I do now to make sure this doesn't get any worse. I reckon these are my options, would greatly appreciate opinions. I don't really like any of them.

1) Come clean and tell him it was a lie I invented to cheer him up. Not that keen on this option as I will look really bad (and slightly crazy) and can't imagine it will make him feel great.

2) Go for the coffee and continue the lie. But that would be awful, no?

3) Text him and tell him that on second thoughts I'd rather not meet up because I find it difficult to talk about still. But that feels selfish.

The other thought making me shit myself is what if he mentions it to someone else we both know. Like, Oh I didn't know Mr and Mrs Namechangeohnamechange had had IVF. And they are like, Um no they didn't.

I'm in a right mess aren't I?

bingisthebest Mon 11-Apr-16 20:47:23

I'd go for number 3 I think.
What a nightmare. But quite a funny story to read so cheered me up op!

x2boys Mon 11-Apr-16 20:48:20

I.would go for number three and say you find it to difficult about ,Facebook can be really good for support groups I, m sure there would be one for ivf ect maybe point him. In that direction?

PegsPigs Mon 11-Apr-16 20:48:42

Number 3 is your only option if you don't want to look like even more of a dick grin

Goingtobeawesome Mon 11-Apr-16 20:49:33

Tell him you are sorry that you lied but DD wasn't an IVF baby and you've no idea why you said it. You were trying to give hope but got in a mess.

StuRedman Mon 11-Apr-16 20:50:17

Number three all the way. Whatever possessed you? I'm sorry but your post gave me a good giggle, which I needed this evening so thank you. flowers

MrsFrankieHeck Mon 11-Apr-16 20:50:33

Oh ffs, you sound worse than me for being a People Pleaser.

I think you'll have to confess.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 11-Apr-16 20:50:44

Hmm... I'd text him and say it was nice to see him, and that you've been thinking about it and you don't know if you'd be able to talk about it at length, but you're happy to be a listening ear for either of them. Say not many people know, so you understand how lonely it can be.

That seems genuine, as long as you are happy for either of them to talk to you?

DubiousCredentials Mon 11-Apr-16 20:51:33

Def no3.

allowlsthinkalot Mon 11-Apr-16 20:51:35

Just be vague about meeting up but if he tries to pin you down go for option 3

Floggingmolly Mon 11-Apr-16 20:51:50

Irrelevant, but I have to ask... What is "pretty much the opposite" to an IVF baby? -you don't have to answer

MartinaJ Mon 11-Apr-16 20:52:32

Wow, you digged a whole trench for you there. Nr. 3 looks like the only option if you don't want to look like a conplete lunatic.

Furiosa Mon 11-Apr-16 20:52:53


Say no one actually knows about it and it's hard for you to talk about.

Ringadingdingdong22 Mon 11-Apr-16 20:55:11

Oh my goodness what a situation to get in. I'm laughing and cringing at the same time. I think you have to go with number 3 and avoid him for a few years grin

newmumwithquestions Mon 11-Apr-16 20:55:39

Not 2 - you wouldn't know the drugs, the doses, the procedures etc. I'm wavering between 1 (morally the right thing to do) and 3 ( the easiest option). I think 1. But wait to see if she actually texts, she may not.

Namechangeohnamechange Mon 11-Apr-16 20:56:41

But the problem with 3) is that this lie is still out there and I will be in a sweaty panic every time I see him thinking I'm about to get caught out. And what if he says something to DH? He gets infuriated with me getting myself into messes like this and would be really cross. I guess I could add in my text something like so please don't mention this to anyone else as no one knows she was IVF but then why on earth would I have been blabbing it to him on the street?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 11-Apr-16 20:56:52

One is probably morally right but it feels mean... essentially giving them hope, and then taking it away again.

Three hurts no-one, really.

Floggingmolly Mon 11-Apr-16 20:57:29

Actually, I'm guessing you meant "very much the opposite". Ignore me, I don't really want details! blush

BirdInTheRoom Mon 11-Apr-16 20:58:19

Could you say you meant fertility treatment as in taking clomid rather than full on ivf? Much easier to blag!

AndYourBirdCanSing Mon 11-Apr-16 20:58:22

Bloody hell! grin

I would leave the country change my number

AndYourBirdCanSing Mon 11-Apr-16 20:59:13

Bird you are a genius. Do that OP! i think you could pull that off

allowlsthinkalot Mon 11-Apr-16 20:59:32

You will have to tell dh what you've done just in case. No choice on that.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 11-Apr-16 20:59:45

Well that was why I said to say that nobody knew...

One is the right thing to do, but it does mean that you've given them hope and then taken it away again. It might also make them feel like they're a bit odd - strange enough that you had to make something up to empathise. It might not, but given that he's reference not knowing anyone else who has had IVF, I'd be cautious of that.

Two is a no-go, you'd have to learn all the drugs/clinics/procedures and the lie would spiral and spiral.

Three is risky because it's still a lie, but you save face and they save hope. You need to make it clear enough that nobody else knows, though. And that DH wouldn't want to talk about it. Maybe say that DH doesn't like people knowing and you feel a bit bad for talking about it under those circs, so could you keep it between yourselves?

I don't know...this is hard, now!

SquareDolphin Mon 11-Apr-16 21:00:22

I've also said stupid stuff when overcome with waves of empathy. Not as bad as this grin but still pretty bad. Go 3. But give genuinely useful links so you don't cause upset.

AdrenalineFudge Mon 11-Apr-16 21:00:49

I don't know if you'd be home dry if you went for option number 3 because what's to stop him similarly confiding in mutual friends that he and his wife are considering IVF and was happy to have come across you who told him that you'd also had IVF? cue many hmm faces all-round and you'll have dug yourself into a deeper hole.
If anyone asks say that it was something you researched and looked into but didn't eventually require. Nothing more - your reproduction choices are not subject to speculation.

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