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To not meet these friends anymore?

(71 Posts)
Onthedowns Sun 10-Apr-16 15:00:22

I have 3 friends have known since school, all same age one has two older children. We have always met up drinks meals etc past couple of years I seem to been excluded and we have drifted. Kept in touch birthday cards and text messages phone calls always me initiating but no response With regards to meeting up. I decided that I wasn't going to stress anymore and not waste my energy getting stressed about it. Still odd text asking how they are etc. They still see each other but not that often. I recently had a baby 5 weeks premature in scbu for 3 weeks. Came home 2 weeks ago. Not one of these 3 friends sent me a congratulations message or how you doing etc. No card - not obligated I know. Very disappointed but had other things going on obviously. My dd birthday falls day before one of the friends bday, due to everything going on my DDs bday was very low key and I also forgot to send the friend a card( first time in 20 years) morning of her bday I get a message saying disappointed she hasn't had a happy birthday message and she has something for DS can we meet. I said sorry forgot your card happy birthday yes can do after this week, she replied saying anytime after 11 April. Not heard since. I am pissed off she chased for a happy birthday and it's the first message I have had from her for well over 6 months. I really don't want to meet her as I feel to much water under bridge and would like to send a message to this effect . however husband said to make the effort. It's likely I will bump into them at a wedding in the summer too. But I feel hurt re DS and also fed up its me who contacts! What would you do??

donadumaurier Sun 10-Apr-16 15:04:48

She texted you to say she was disappointed you hadn't acknowledged her birthday??? Seriously, who does that? shock It sounds like she's one of these people who's only interested if it's all about her. I would stop bothering tbh.

neolara Sun 10-Apr-16 15:07:07

I think she sounds horrid. I can't imagine any grown up I know chastising someone for not sending them a birthday card. Especially awful as you've just had a premium baby. I just wouldn't respond.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Sun 10-Apr-16 15:10:13

Tell her you're disappointed she didn't acknowledge you have birth to a person! A little baby who you were busy in bloody hospital with

CosyNook Sun 10-Apr-16 15:14:08

shock She had the nerve to feel disappointed you didn't send her a bday card? Cheeky cow.

Text back saying you are disappointed no one sent you a congratulations card, so that's makes two of you. Who needs friends like that?

Congratulations and enjoy your baby flowers

Onthedowns Sun 10-Apr-16 15:16:10

Indeed! I was late sending her a happy birthday text message before - think afternoon instead of evening and had the same thing. I just don't feel like meeting but would be awkward at the wedding. My DH is more non confrontational and thinks I should

Vedamakesthebesttoast Sun 10-Apr-16 15:17:35

I've had similar. People are essentially selfish. One of my 'best friends' didn't bother phoning to see how I was after major surgery and I was so ill in recovery I didn't have the emotional or physical strength to contact her. Was very hurt and just wrote the relationship off. Months later I got a random Facebook message from her saying 'like you care anyway'.... WTF? Still annoys me now thinking about how much love, support and time I gave her her the years. I think she just took it for granted and when I wasn't around for her latest crisis (I'm assuming) she lashed out at me oblivious to the fact she had neglected our friendship in the first place. Give your time and energy to people who love you back x

Vedamakesthebesttoast Sun 10-Apr-16 15:23:34

Oh and congratulations on the birth and homecoming of your baby x

donadumaurier Sun 10-Apr-16 15:26:18

I would point out in a casual way that she forgot to send a card for your baby's birth so that makes you even, life is just too busy sometimes ;) And let her stew on that.

0phelia Sun 10-Apr-16 15:27:46

If it were me I'd send a curt text along the lines of "Sorry I didn't acknowledge your birthday, but I have been dealing with a premature newborn, not that you've noticed or care enough to ask how it's going"

But that's me!

Congratulations, and I hope you are focusing on the important people in life!

sizeofalentil Sun 10-Apr-16 15:30:48

It's quite flattering in a way that she missed your card so much that she had to chase you down for some attention.

That or she's a selfish cow and wasn't exactly swimming in birthday greetings because everyone else could see through her.

Onthedowns Sun 10-Apr-16 15:31:00

Thank you I very much feel like this and it's all three of them also none sent text messages which I would have done in honestly despite not seeing them fur months. However you really do get to know who your friends are in a crisis !

FreakinScaryCaaw Sun 10-Apr-16 15:31:07

Eee cheek of the it

Just say your card got lost in the post the same as her's must have for the birth of your son.

I really bow to pressure to meet her. And you don't have to sit next to her at the wedding do you? Just be polite if you see her there. I'd definitely move on from these friends if it were me.

FreakinScaryCaaw Sun 10-Apr-16 15:31:49

That should say I really don't think you should bow to the pressure to meet her.

RaspberryOverload Sun 10-Apr-16 15:38:32

Your DH is wrong; you don't have to make the effort if you don't want to, as these people don't seem bothered about you and your family.

Just keep it polite and civil at the wedding, don't let that be the time for "home truths", etc.

If you're really not bothered about seeing them again, I think 0phelia's text might be a good one.

Bogeyface Sun 10-Apr-16 15:52:15

"Sorry for the late birthday message but I have been busy with a premature newborn, the one you have neither acknowledged or asked about"

Italiangreyhound Sun 10-Apr-16 16:14:14

Onthedowns sorry they have been so rude to leave you out and then to chase a birthday message.

Could this be a way of trying to make amends (funny old way but still).

Please do whatever makes you happy.

It's not your dh's call to make.

She has put the ball in your court "she replied saying anytime after 11 April."

So you could just leave it and see if she chases you up (least confrontational way to do it) and ....

if she does not, then when you meet and she says you never got back to me just smile and say 'oh well, I'm here now.


If she chases you, you decide what to do, do you want to meet, if yes, meet, if no, then don't. In which case you can either just keep saying 'I am a bit busy at the moment' or be honest and say 'I feel like was me making the effort a lot over the last few years, I felt left out and excluded and now have realised I don't actually feel the need to be included any more. Plus I am very offended you chased me for a birthday greeting having ignored the fact I had a premature baby!"

But (because I also don't like confrontation) I would also say, something like - "...any way that's all water under the bridge, let's just leave it, we will meet up at weddings and the like and that is fine."

In your shoes I would not fish around for an apology or even an acknowledgement of the wrong done to you.

You know it, and this so-called-friend chooses to reply and say sorry, take it from there.

But she may well not choose to apologise and may feel you are getting at her, at which point you would need to simply say " hands are full with a new baby and after many years of no contact from you and other friends I've realised who my friends are, people who are involved in my life....." or words to that affect.

Good luck.

expatinscotland Sun 10-Apr-16 16:22:43

I'd blow her off entirely. No making amends. Just get on with your life. If you see them again, be breezily polite.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 10-Apr-16 16:32:00

I wouldent both at all with any f them, they are not friends. shock at the message about yiur forgetting to send her a card, what a twat. I would have asked her where your card was for baby that was born, as she was so rude.

Onthedowns Sun 10-Apr-16 16:39:45

Thanks I have taken the lead and sent a message along the lines of Italian greyhound! I have already had a reply shifting blame back to me! I end up feeling like shit!

Bogeyface Sun 10-Apr-16 16:43:24

You definitely dont need that shit then. Polite indifference if you see the at the wedding, and nothing else.

FreakinScaryCaaw Sun 10-Apr-16 16:49:57

Are you really close to the wedding people? If you're going to feel like crap then maybe miss it? Spend money on a nice night for you and dh.

FreakinScaryCaaw Sun 10-Apr-16 16:52:07

You can only feel like crap if you allow yourself to. She obviously doesn't care about anyone but herself so try not to feel like this. She's wrong (and knows it) and trying to turn it around.

donadumaurier Sun 10-Apr-16 16:52:35

So you pointed out she didn't send a card for your baby's birth either and she still shifted the blame back to you?

She's a lost cause. I'd stop bothering.

Itsmine Sun 10-Apr-16 16:52:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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