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I think I have failed as a parent

(5 Posts)
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 09-Apr-16 21:04:52

Left ds in the kitchen while I put dd to bed. He was supposed to be washing up (3 dishes, one pan and cutlery)

Went to check on him when I had finished and he was playing on my old phone. (Dark kitchen, blue face) jumped up guiltily as a walked in. Gave my phone back to me.

There are now 30 screen shots of various naked women. Some are "harmless enough" just top less.
Some are actually Pornographic.
They are in a file called screen shots. I have never put that phone on the Internet! I was given it from my nan as a spare, but never needed to use it. There were 3 pix in there of some dinner in a buffet place, so I know they weren't nans pix.

How do I deal with this? I don't want a kid who thinks women are objects.

Please help. Anybody?

Ds is 12. He has had a great couple of days with friends (and me and dd) on the beach, mini theme park, park, town this week.

LauraMipsum Sat 09-Apr-16 21:21:30

Talk to him. Not in a judgey or cross way. You certainly haven't failed as a parent, it's just that sometimes the social forces on him from outside the family are going to come into collision with your values. I don't suppose a 12yo will make the connection with objectification, so tell him!

I would be careful not to turn it into a Big Thing or you run the risk of making it forbidden and more alluring. I would be aiming for chatty but firm about why treating women as sex objects is not a good thing for 50% of the population.

lougle Sat 09-Apr-16 21:41:17

He's a 12 year old boy. You haven't failed! He is just expressing his curiosity in women with the available media. By all means talk to him about objectification of women but this does not translate into parenting failures and crisis.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 09-Apr-16 21:41:43

I will not be doing anything tonight. I have posted on here instead of ranting at him.
I'm just as annoyed about him rooting through a phone that isn't his. Using Internet that has probably cost my nan a fortune. (They said they were happy to pay for a few phone calls of emergency texts as it's still on their bill, bundled with their landline. We think 100 texts and 100 minutes)

The time showing on the pix is 3:09 and today's date.

Trying to work out if it was last night (didn't hear him) or this afternoon.

When he and female friend left the park and went to buy a pasty together.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff Sat 09-Apr-16 21:48:11

You havnt failed, it's just the same as him looking at a pornographic magazine. He may have just screen shotted them himself of a website.

I would talk to him about women not bring objects to look at but also how the Internet makes a false impression of how women and men act in a loving relastionship.

I really worry for my young dd.

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