Advanced search

To not support my brother dating our cousin?

(433 Posts)
ChickenDrumsticks Sat 09-Apr-16 09:47:36

My brother has announced he is dating our cousin, and has been for around 3 months. She's Mum's sister's daughter. They have been posting lovey-dovey statuses on Facebook and have (according to mum) got very pissy when people have made criticisms. They both have 2 children from previous partners and are looking at buying a house together.

AIBU to not be supportive of this relationship? The kids are all between 8 and 11 and I worry it could adversely affect them. We live in a small town and it's only a matter of time before their school mates clock on.

We were very close as children and went on holidays etc together. The thought of seeing them kiss and cuddle absolutely turns my stomach.

My sister is with me on this, but mum is in denial saying she doesn't see the problem. He hasn't spoken to me directly about it (the announcement was a Facebook post along the lines of "no one has the right to judge us, love conquers all blah blah blah") but if he does I just can't pretend I'm OK with it

ghostyslovesheep Sat 09-Apr-16 09:48:46

What are your objections?

BaronessBomburst Sat 09-Apr-16 09:49:45

It's legal.
I don't see the problem really.

ChickenDrumsticks Sat 09-Apr-16 09:50:17

hmm really? It's incest. There could be complications if they choose to have children. If it was your sibling how would you feel?

ChickenDrumsticks Sat 09-Apr-16 09:50:35

That was to ghosty!

Thebrowntrout Sat 09-Apr-16 09:50:39

It's their business though really, isn't it?

Refusing to accept them isn't going to help their children or them or your mum - it isn't going to do any good.

YANBU to feel any way you want about it but ultimately there's nothing you can do here.

Thebrowntrout Sat 09-Apr-16 09:51:16

It's not classes as incest though: it's legal and do they want children?

BrandNewAndImproved Sat 09-Apr-16 09:51:34

It's legal but I understand your cringe about this.

MrsBruceBogtrotter Sat 09-Apr-16 09:51:47

YANBU, it's weird as fuck but threads like this on MN always seem to have a prevailing view of 'none of your business, not weird, I know X Y Z people who married their cousin and it turned out fine', etc.

FreeSpirit89 Sat 09-Apr-16 09:52:07

It's legal, and tbh your objections. Whatever they may be probably say more about you.

It's there life, there choice. You can either accept it or not. That's your choice.

But they may take offence to that and relations will be hard between you and your brother. Also hard on your mother.

ghostyslovesheep Sat 09-Apr-16 09:52:10

It's not incest! It's legal

MummaV Sat 09-Apr-16 09:52:27

Legally it's fine.

However, when growing up me and my cousins were similarly close, spending holidays together, very sibling like in closeness, therefore I wouldn't be comfortable if my brother or sister was dating one of our cousins as it would feel wrong because of our relationships growing up, and even now to be honest.

Minniemagoo Sat 09-Apr-16 09:53:49

We were very close as children and went on holidays etc together
No different to marrying the girl next door.
As others have said it's legal and whilst uncommon not unheard of
Sounds like you need to accept their relationship

EatShitDerek Sat 09-Apr-16 09:54:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickenDrumsticks Sat 09-Apr-16 09:54:49

t's not classes as incest though: it's legal and do they want children?

He always said he wanted more children after he got divorced. He said he wanted a girlfriend who was a mum so he could have a ready made family - didn't think he'd take it so literally.

Savagebeauty Sat 09-Apr-16 09:55:41

I think it's weird.

SmallBee Sat 09-Apr-16 09:56:05

YANBU it would creep me out too.

However your lack of support won't really help anyone, change their minds or make it any better. I think you'd be better off being civil and polite for now or if you can't manage that then maintain a dignified silence.

Stanky Sat 09-Apr-16 09:57:39

It's a bit weird, but legal. It's up to them.

mudandmayhem01 Sat 09-Apr-16 09:57:48

Its legal and was very common in the UK in Victorian times. I think is illegal in some us states though. My dc are very close to their cousin and the thought of one of them growing up to have a sexual relationship with that cousin does make me cringe. Unfortunately its none of your business though

EatShitDerek Sat 09-Apr-16 09:57:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadTilt Sat 09-Apr-16 09:58:47

I'd find it a bit weird, but they are adults, it is their business. Common in plenty of cultures and in the UK in the past.

It is my understanding that the genetic risk is only significant where there are multiple generations of inter-cousin reproduction eg the children of cousins marry the children of cousins. A one off blip should be fine. It is their decision to make.

They only been together 3 months so it could all blow over anyway.

Stanky Sat 09-Apr-16 09:59:35

It's not the first time it's happened, and it won't be the last.

crje Sat 09-Apr-16 09:59:57

My friends parents are first cousins

I think it's fine and the kids will only be teased if their friends are told it's wrong.

Set a better example by being tolerant even if you can't be happy .

WeAllHaveWings Sat 09-Apr-16 10:01:25

It's not incest and its legal, they are even allowed to marry.

You need to hold your tongue and wait for it to fizzle out or you learn to accept it. Alternative is harming your relationship with your brother and cousin.

It is a bit icky, but going up against them isn't going to change anything.

mrschatty Sat 09-Apr-16 10:01:25

As others have said it's legal and very very common in some cultures... id only suggest genetic counselling if they decide to have dc to determine any risks but other than that good on them!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now