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To judge the parents of a child who always has extremely knotty, unkempt hair?

(219 Posts)
OhGodNotAnotherUserName Sat 09-Apr-16 00:10:42

Would this fall into neglect? There is a child I know, who is 9 and she always has extremely knotty hair - as in almost her whole head of hair is one massive knot. She is also a very shy child. The mother just laughs it off when it is mentioned, saying that her DD doesn't like having it brushed.

I can't help feeling this is neglectful. I know that other children tease the girl because of it and she generally seems like she lacks confidence etc.

The excuse doesn't really wash with me either, my DD who is 4 doesn't like her hair brushed sometimes but there is no way I would go a day without brushing it.

AIBU for this to spike my concern? I feel sorry for the girl and feel I can't help being judgemental to the mother. AIBU?

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Apr-16 00:12:50

She's nine years old and perfectly capable of brushing her own hair if it bothers here, surely? confused

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Apr-16 00:13:07


Hero1callylost Sat 09-Apr-16 00:14:01

None of your business. For all you know they have arguments about hair brushing every morning. Maybe she has sensory issues. Find something in your own life to worry about.

getyourfingeroutyournose Sat 09-Apr-16 00:17:29

i used to come up with some pretty awesome and intelligent (if i do say so myself) ways of avoiding letting my mum brush my hair because it was so thick and knotty... then she got a "special chair" and put it in the front room. She told me to close my eyes for a present and some woman came and cut all my hair off...
I don't know though because I was bullied before and after the hair cut. Kids just find things to have against you sometimes.

AdrenalineFudge Sat 09-Apr-16 00:17:31

You say the mother just laughs it off when its mentioned, how often does it come up and was it you that asked her about it?
What sort of style is the girl's hair? as it's difficult to imagine one massive knot on the top of someone's head.

OhGodNotAnotherUserName Sat 09-Apr-16 00:18:06

She has no sensory issues or anything like that. She has had her hair brushed out by others and has been quite happy for people to do it. It always seems to get like that.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Apr-16 00:19:28

I do agree with the PP who said you need to find something in your own life to worry about.

This is just hair.

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 09-Apr-16 00:20:44

Is that your only concern?

OhGodNotAnotherUserName Sat 09-Apr-16 00:20:49

Blonde, fine hair, just below the shoulders. I just can't imagine letting it get like that.

PurpleDaisies Sat 09-Apr-16 00:20:57

Some people just have knotty hair. If she's otherwise give I think this is a huge overreaction.

PurpleDaisies Sat 09-Apr-16 00:21:08

Fine not give.

RJnomore1 Sat 09-Apr-16 00:21:42

I could brush my 11yo hair at 8.59 and at 9.05 in school it would be a huge tangle.

I actually opened this to see if it was about her 😁

OhGodNotAnotherUserName Sat 09-Apr-16 00:23:59

It's not my only concern, the hair issue is an element of other areas that I have been concerned about. And I don't buy this 'find something else in your life to worry about' stuff when discussing a child. If I was talking about an adult then yes, I should mind my own business, but a child being unkempt like this suggests possible neglect in other areas.

lem73 Sat 09-Apr-16 00:24:20

I opened it too because I thought you might know me in RL! 😃 But DD doesn't have blonde hair!

OpiesOldLady Sat 09-Apr-16 00:24:29

You can't imagine going without brushing it for a whole day? You aren't the child's mother so why are you worrying about it? Have you got any other concerns that the child may be being neglected?

MyFriendGoo52 Sat 09-Apr-16 00:25:03

I have one of these. Dds hair was one huge matt at the back of her head. Wouldnt let me near it but happily let her respite staff go through it (( she does have additional needs ))

No real reason other than the fact it had become a battle between us and some kids are a lot more receptive to people who arent their main caregivers. This had only become a big issue in the last few years, as a young child her hair was very well kept.

Id find something else to hoik my judgypants over tbh.

UsernameIncorrect Sat 09-Apr-16 00:25:22

I think it could be neglect.

PurpleDaisies Sat 09-Apr-16 00:25:31

You haven't said she was generally unkempt though, only that her hair is knotty. Going from your op there really isn't anything to worry about.

Are we about to get a drip feed?

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Apr-16 00:26:32

Listen, unless you're going to open the flood gates and unleash a whole tsunami of drip feeding into the thread....

You really do need to get something else to worry about, other than a 9 year old not brushing her own hair.

LeaLeander Sat 09-Apr-16 00:27:34

Sounds like neglect. Many solutions -shorter style, hair products etc if parents cared at all.

shrunkenhead Sat 09-Apr-16 00:29:55

I think it's awful when people say things like "find something in your life to worry about" or that it's none of your business! You're voicing your concerns about a child's welfare! Why do others get so defensive?
Even if she did have sensory issues/sn etc etc (which op says she hasn't)surely it's up to the parents to ensure she has her hair cut into a manageable style to lessen the likelihood of tangles if between them they can't keep it tidy??

PaulAnkaTheDog Sat 09-Apr-16 00:30:22

Have you had a child with severely knotty hair? No? I was that child. It was easier (and frankly less traumatic) to occasionally brush it than do it every day. We had a routine with it. Don't judge unless you've done it.

In fact, phone SS and tell them you're concerned about a child with tuggy hair. Then see what they say when you have literally no other 'sign' of 'abuse'.

Or tell us the other signs...

Thornrose Sat 09-Apr-16 00:32:14

Hmm, I have a dd who has sensory issues and mixed race hair, a match made in hell!

I still managed to keep her hair in pretty good shape on the whole. There were days when I insisted she keep her hat on when out in the judgemental public, if she really couldn't manage her hair being brushed.

Sometimes on the surface it all looked ok but underneath lurked a large matted dreadlock.

I suppose if there aren't any sensory issues then I'm not sure why a 9 year old who is being teased can't pull a brush through her own hair!

shrunkenhead Sat 09-Apr-16 00:32:44

My dd has hair that tangles easily. She has two choices: either I brush it or she does.

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