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Expecting table manners when/if sharing food with a friend

(36 Posts)
MsBSmith Fri 08-Apr-16 22:45:25

This friend and I sometimes (not always), share a dessert or side dish when eating out together. My attitude when sharing food with someone else, whether a friend, family or partner, is to be considerate to the other person too, so I always ask what they like/prefer (if sharing a plate of sandwiches for example) and share it as equally as possible within reason. But my friend's attitude is somewhat different... She always takes whatever she likes or the last remaining portion/piece without asking or without any regard to anyone else. My gripe is not with who gets what/how much, but with her lack of manners. Surely, it doesn't cost anything to be polite and show thoughtfulness and consideration to the other person by asking?

Example: the other day we ordered a plate of macarons to share and there were 7. We had 3 each naturally but the last one she just took it without asking. Not to mention the fact that she took all the flavours she liked first without asking if I liked any of them too. This time, I decided to say something so I casually joked that we should've halved the last one as there were 7, but I suppose she didn't like that as she became defensive and insisted that there were only 6 to begin with and she only had 2, so the last one was hers! WTH? I actually took a picture of the macarons when they came as they were pretty so I KNOW there were 7! Obviously I didn't want to be arguing over it, so I let it go and didn't say anything else. But AIBU in expecting manners between friends? What's the harm in asking "shall we halve the last one?" or "can I have this as I love it so much?" even if it's something small? This is not because you want to keep score of who gets what/how much, but because IMO it simply shows thoughtfulness by acknowledging the other person's needs/wants/feelings. It's inclusive rather than just taking it and expecting the other person to be OK or let it go. Well, needless to say, I won't be sharing food with her anymore, as she's unexpectedly shown a side of herself that I wasn't aware of by getting defensive and lying about it too, but am I expecting too much when it comes to manners? Thoughts?

acasualobserver Fri 08-Apr-16 22:48:04

The macoron incident - truly shocking. YANBU.

Flossyfloof Fri 08-Apr-16 22:49:58

When did they become macarons? I never understand that.

YANBU! This would really bug me too! I probably wouldn't share with her anymore, sounds like she didn't see your point of view at all!

acasualobserver Fri 08-Apr-16 22:52:25

Macarons and macaroons are different.

HackerFucker22 Fri 08-Apr-16 22:53:11

AdrenalineFudge Fri 08-Apr-16 22:55:02

The macaron incident grin

Friend: Shall we go out for dinner this weekend MsB?
You: You know what you did <dramatic pause> there were 7 macarons! I know because I took a picture and you ate the last one!
Friend: <looks aghast> But there were only 6... I only had 2.
You: No, see look here I even instagrammed it!

Yanbu but I really find this awkward dance that people do before taking the last piece of anything as irritating as I would find someone that just helped themselves.

19lottie82 Fri 08-Apr-16 22:55:23

I might be a bit miffed for about 10 seconds but not enough to come home and post a huge rant on mums bet!

IHaveBrilloHair Fri 08-Apr-16 22:55:50

She's rude and doesn't understand sharing.
Macarons and macaroons are very different.

CheshireChat Fri 08-Apr-16 23:04:41

Well, I wouldn't go somewhere you share food as it would so annoy me.

DoJo Fri 08-Apr-16 23:08:28

Did you each take three macarons to start with and leave the lonely one on the serving plate? Or were you both just eating them from the one plate?

HoundoftheBaskervilles Fri 08-Apr-16 23:14:53

Seven's a stupid number of anything to put on a plate anyway, you should never serve things in prime numbers, it only leads to arguments.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Fri 08-Apr-16 23:15:48

I cannot relate to this at all, there is no WAY I'd share my desert with anyone grin

Tatiana11235 Fri 08-Apr-16 23:16:58

19lottie82, my thoughts exactly smile

Nomorechickens Fri 08-Apr-16 23:19:43

If I am sharing eg a piece if cheesecake, I get a knife and cut it in 2, right down the middle, and clearly separate the 2 halves. For the avoidance of doubt. The same with 7 macarons, share them out beforehand and cut the last one in half. Then if there is any poaching you can say Oi, that's mine. I'm afraid you are being a doormat over this sharing business, so expect to get trodden on.

WonderingAspie Fri 08-Apr-16 23:21:42

I don't share food. Ever. It's much easier. I can't get my head around this sharing food.

It would have really pissed me off too and I'd actually think less of her for blatantly lying about something so pathetic. Her lack of manners aren't endearing either. But I'm very black and white and things should be fair so I'd be dwelling forever for a while.

What are you going to say to her when you next go out and you refuse to share with her? Are you going to tell her the truth?

Aeroflotgirl Fri 08-Apr-16 23:22:04

Don't share any food with her anymore!

WiIdfire Fri 08-Apr-16 23:22:09

I'm with you OP. My husband eats his food starting with his favourite bits, leaving boring things like veggies or lettuce til the end. I prefer to eat the boring bits first and save the lovely best bits til last. As you can see, if we share, he gets all the good bits, I get all the rubbish bits. Plus he eats 3 times faster than me.

We don't share very often.

pinkstinks Fri 08-Apr-16 23:22:21

You have to split at the beginning as Nomotechickens says.
That's what I always do, if you can persuade me to share in then first place...classic only child... grin

Sandbrook Fri 08-Apr-16 23:23:12

I knew they were 2 different things!!!
Damn you DH making me 2nd guess myself.

Yanbu OP. Lacking in manners so next time get in there first if it is macaroons. If macarons let her have all 7 wink

ElderlyKoreanLady Fri 08-Apr-16 23:23:37

I think you're far too invested in the half a macaron you missed out on.

WorraLiberty Fri 08-Apr-16 23:25:09

Spit on it next time...

PaulAnkaTheDog Fri 08-Apr-16 23:25:47

The macoron incident - truly shocking. YANBU.

Actually laughing at this. Have I had too much wine, or does anyone else find it funny?

dustarr73 Fri 08-Apr-16 23:26:40

Lick all yours and half of the extra onegrin

PaulAnkaTheDog Fri 08-Apr-16 23:27:18

Worra I did that when I was little to stop my sister from getting the yellow French fancy (bitch always took it). Unfortunately it was at a wake...

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