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In asking you to share your stories of child abandonment/non payment of child maintenance? Here is mine.

(15 Posts)
CreviceImp Fri 08-Apr-16 21:10:20

Christmas Eve. Last minute shopping beckons; you feed your youngest – an almost unreasonably hungry six-month old baby boy, before wrapping him and his sister up warm and heading in to town. You haven’t seen your husband for a day or so, and he isn’t answering his phone. Unsettling, but sadly not unusual. The cash machine advises you that your joint account is empty. This is unusual. Your husband has just been paid. Your rent is due. The cupboards are empty. A bank error, you reassure yourself. The cashier advises that your husband withdrew the lot and closed the account the day before. He still isn’t answering his phone. Fast forward thirteen years and the children haven’t seen him. It’s not for want of trying. One has had a diagnosis of autism, which he knows about. Still nothing. He makes arrangements to visit, and breaks them. Your eldest is just old enough to know and to miss her daddy. She wails inconsolably every time he doesn’t show. After a while he stops making arrangements. He owes you nearly £80,000; it’s a debt enforceable in law. He’s earned the money but he hasn’t paid it. You can see his Facebook photos of the foreign holidays he’s been on. The Child Support Agency explains that the courts have prevented them from taking driving licences away from people like him or from imposing custodial sentences. Something to do with his rights, which seem to mean more than his children’s needs. So there isn’t anything much they can do. And there is at least £4 billion owed to people like you. And you wonder; if I’d left my children homeless and hungry on Christmas Eve – even for a day – would I have been prosecuted for neglect? And why, in the 21st century, isn’t it socially unacceptable to abandon your children and not pay towards their needs when you have the means to? Gingerbread, the charity for single parent families, has found that the agency that replaced the CSA, the Child Maintenance Service, is collecting an even smaller proportion of maintenance due to parents. Between March 2014-2015, it collected just over half of the payments that were due. Billions of pounds of taxpayers’ money have been spent trying to collect money that has been earned and that is owed. Clearly, there is a limit to what any state agency can do. But legislation can change social attitudes. Drink-driving is now considered unacceptable. Few would argue for the right not to secure their children with seatbelts. If the law said that those who can pay, but don’t pay, towards what their children need were guilty of neglect – or even financial abuse towards the resident parent – perhaps attitudes might change. Perhaps, too, the hundreds of millions that are spent trying and failing to force people to do the right thing could then be spent on things that will benefit young people – such as affordable housing, social care and spending on mental health services.

AdrenalineFudge Fri 08-Apr-16 21:25:26

I can't really make sense of your post tbh but there's a petition doing the rounds which you could publicise though I doubt it'll have any significant effect.

daisychain01 Fri 08-Apr-16 21:29:52

I would be very wary of the OP.

It appears their post is a weird URL going someplace

I have reported it.

ghostyslovesheep Fri 08-Apr-16 21:32:12

in the nicest way OP I think most of us know as you post the story repeatedly - and link to the petition - which I wont sign

I think not paying for your children is awful I agree - but do you need so many posts on the same subject?

Babynamechange Fri 08-Apr-16 21:33:27

Makes sense to me. I hope you get somewhere with this crevice xx

CreviceImp Fri 08-Apr-16 21:46:27

Sorry that didn't copy onto my tablet well. For those who like paragraphs 😀....

It's Christmas Eve. Last minute shopping beckons; you feed your youngest-an almost unreasonably hungry six-month old baby boy, before wrapping him and his sister up warm and heading into town. You haven't seen your husband for a day or so, and he isn't answering his phone. Unsettling but sadly not unusual.

The cash machine advises you that your joint account is empty. This is unusual. Your husband has just been paid. Your rent is due. The cupboards are empty. A bank error, you reassure yourself.

The cashier advises that your husband withdrew the lot the day before. He still isn't answering his phone.

Fast forward thirteen years and the children haven't seen him. It's not for the want of trying. One has a diagnosis of autism, which he knows about. Still nothing. He makes arrangements to visit, and breaks them. Your eldest is just old enough to know and miss her daddy. She wails inconsolably every time he doesn't show. After a while he stops making arrangements,

He owes you nearly £80,000; it's a debt enforceable in law. He's earned the money but he hasn't paid it . You can see his Facebook photos of the foreign holidays he's been on. The Child Support Agency explains that the courts have prevented them from taking driving licences away from people like him or from imposing custodial sentences. Something to do with his rights, which seem to mean more than his children's needs. So there isn't anything much they can do. And there is at least £4 billion owed to people like you.

And you wonder; if I had left my children homeless and hungry on Christmas Eve-even for a day-would I have been prosecuted for neglect? And why in the 21st century, isn't it socially unacceptable to abandon your children and not pay towards their needs when you have the means to?

Gingerbread, the charity for single parent families, has found that the agency that replaced the CSA, the Child Maintenance Service, is collecting an even smaller proportion of maintenance due to parents. Between March 2014-2015, it collected just over half of the payments that were due.

Billions of pounds of taxpayers' money have been spent trying to collect money that has been earned and that is owed. Clearly there is a limit to what any state agency can do. But legislation can change social attitudes. Drink-driving is now considered unacceptable. Few would argue for the right not to secure their children with seatbelts. If the law said that those who can pay, but don't pay, towards what their children need were guilty of neglect-or even financial abuse towards the resident parent-perhaps attitudes would change.

Perhaps, too, the hundreds of millions that are spent trying and failing to force people to do the right thing could then be spent on things that will benefit young people -such as affordable housing, social care and spending on mental health services.

amarmai Fri 08-Apr-16 21:49:11

Op, you have my full sympathy , as i cd tell the same stroy. Tell it as often as you need to and ignore the pp who want to silence you.

Pisssssedofff Fri 08-Apr-16 21:52:14

It's the consequences that hurt so much. Taking your children from their bedrooms, you can't take much of their toys, clothes with you. You can't afford to store it so years of Christmas presents, birthday memories etc go in the bin.
They leave their lovely schools you spent your pregnancy researching to make sure you bought your house in the right area, the parents and kids promise to stay in touch but of course they don't. So now your kids are living in cramped shit rented accommodation they might be moving from every 6 months, going to schools you would never have voluntarily sent them too. They are called tramps because you can't afford proper uniform.
All because he won't contribute to what were planned to the exact month children.

CreviceImp Fri 08-Apr-16 21:54:09

Thank-you amarmai
I wanted to create a space on here for others to share their story if they are comfortable doing so by being really open about my experience and why I am pushing for change.

I try to ignore negative people. Most of them have no experience of the matter judging by their complete lack of compassion.

ghostyslovesheep Fri 08-Apr-16 21:57:47

blimey I'm not trying to silence anyone confused

and I am a single parent to 3 since my ex husband left me when our youngest was 4 months old - so I know all about it sadly

it's just not really unreasonable to expect people to pay child maintenance but the 2 post a day average are bit ott - that's just my opinion - not sure that's 'silencing' anyone?

ConfuciousSayWhat Fri 08-Apr-16 21:57:57

Whilst you have my sympathies I think you need to stop telling your kids dad is coming round and them getting upset, instead leave it as a surprise if he does, and if he doesn't no harm done.

CreviceImp Fri 08-Apr-16 22:05:45

The access mentioned was from very early on until he proved himself completely unreliable and then it was no longer mentioned.

They have had no contact with him in years- his choice . They don't remember him anymore.

CreviceImp Fri 08-Apr-16 22:20:42

Pisssssedoff that really resonated with me. I lost my home and had to move around a lot too when my children were small.

I understand exactly what you are saying flowers

CreviceImp Fri 08-Apr-16 22:44:56

I am going to be offline this weekend.

Can everyone who supports this issue please keep debating and offering their views?

AndNowItsSeven Fri 08-Apr-16 22:52:21

I can't understand why my friend who lives in Texas receives her child support because her dc's father had his driving licence removed and was threatened with Inprisonment. Why can't the uk do the same. You can go to prison for non payment of a fine relating to a tv but not for neglecting to pay for your children. What kind of madness is that.

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