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AIBU to think my sons consultant shouldnt have tried to give my children money?

(134 Posts)
jemima39 Fri 08-Apr-16 17:22:11

I had an appointment today with my 5 year old sons paediatrician, and took my 2 year old daughter with me, he paid more attention to her, commenting on how cute she was and stroking her hair and then as both kids behaved relatively well he tried to give them some change from his pocket. While I feel his intentions were just be nice and reward them I'm uncomfortable when I'm trying to teach my kids not to accept things from strangers especially my 5 year old as his disability means he has very little sense of danger. He is a middle aged indian chap and I gather giving change to small children is very popular in indian culture after talking to a few people about this but is it the right thing for a Doctor in a hospital to be doing?

CantChoose Fri 08-Apr-16 17:24:19

I would say that's odd. Usually paeds has a sticker collection for this purpose...
Sounds like it could well be a cultural thing as you say so hard to know how to proceed.

Sirzy Fri 08-Apr-16 17:24:58

Was this NHS?

Longdistance Fri 08-Apr-16 17:28:43

Is your dd blonde?

My dd1 who's blonde gets a lot of attention from ME people.

scotsgirl64 Fri 08-Apr-16 17:29:26

totally inappropriate!...very strange behaviour (I'm a nurse btw and there are very strict rules concerning these things!)

Floggingmolly Fri 08-Apr-16 17:30:13

It does sound odd. What way does it work in Indian culture; is it any young children at all, including strangers? confused. Either way, it's kind of inappropriate in a doctor / patient scenario.
Although doling out lollipops would feel ok, and it's not so different really... confused

Imeg Fri 08-Apr-16 17:31:29

A stranger in the street once gave me a pound for my child, telling me it was a gypsy tradition, and a (Welsh) relative I didn't know at all well once gave him 50p saying it was lucky to give silver to children.

AdrenalineFudge Fri 08-Apr-16 17:31:42

Regardless of his culture as a practising physician he should know that that is absolutely unacceptable.

shinynewusername Fri 08-Apr-16 17:33:38

Hmm tricky. I agree that this was inappropriate. OTOH, it sounds as if he was trying to be kind so it would be harsh to complain formally.

Could you drop a note to him personally (not his managers) just asking him not to do it again for the reasons you gave above, but stressing that you realise that he was being kind?

WorraLiberty Fri 08-Apr-16 17:33:45

It might have nothing to do with his culture at all.

It was a bit of an odd although well meaning thing to do.

And some people are just odd, although well meaning.

MrsChrisPratt Fri 08-Apr-16 17:36:06

I don't really understand the issue, this wasn't some random stranger. Surely there are more important things to worry about?

shinynewusername Fri 08-Apr-16 17:37:40

It might have nothing to do with his culture at all

Agree that this used to be normal in the UK too - it was much more common a generation ago. Visiting adults/passing acquaintances of my parents often used to give me money as a child, even if they had never met me before. Now this would be considered quite weird and dodgy, I think.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Apr-16 17:39:03

That is a bit strange.

I think he needs to have his safeguarding training updated.

ManicPixieDream Fri 08-Apr-16 17:41:47

My youngest was given a £2 coin on the bus by an older gentleman a few weeks ago. We had never met the man before. Some people like to treat children.

However from a Consultant that is quite odd and unprofessional, although I don't think it is anything sinister.

LatriceRoyale Fri 08-Apr-16 17:41:48

Its a bit odd but my children often get given pound coins from older people when out and about. Also used to get money put in the pram for the baby which was well meaning but a nightmare if she found it before I did.

jemima39 Fri 08-Apr-16 17:42:24

yes, very strawberry blonde, I used to live in the middle east and had very long blonde/brown hair and received a lot of attention too

almondpoisson Fri 08-Apr-16 17:42:58

it's pretty strange but I don't think it would be right to complain for a one off when he was probably trying to be kind - if it is a recurring theme I'd query it, but he may well have been very impressed by the behaviour of the children and just being nice

Newes Fri 08-Apr-16 17:43:12

No, he should not be doing that. Incentives in that situation should be low value stickers etc and very obviously part of the environment involved, not from an individual's own pocket.

BarbarianMum Fri 08-Apr-16 17:45:28

I don't really see the problem if you were present tbh

WannaBe Fri 08-Apr-16 17:53:17

I don't see the issue tbh. You're talking a bit of change right, presumably a coin, nobody would have batted an eyelid if he'd given the DC a book, or a prize from a box (many children's hospitals have them), or a lollipop (actually, I can see= some on MN who would object but ordinarily....).

What if he'd produced the sticker/sweet from his pocket as part of a magic trick...

Sounds as if you want to make more of this than it really is and I really can't see the problem. He didn't take the DC to one side and tell them to keep it a secret.

Nope, can't see any safeguarding issue here at all just paranoia.

MyLocal Fri 08-Apr-16 17:53:23

If he is an NHS consultant he must know this is not on, agree with a pp that a sticker is OK, money is NOT.

Does he give money to EVERY child he meets as a paediatrician? Can't have much take home pay! confused

WannaBe Fri 08-Apr-16 17:56:51

Well that surely depends doesn't it? A fiver for each child then presumably he's being overpaid. grin but 10/50P and it's just a bit of change. Or perhaps he alternates. Maybe sometimes he does, maybe sometimes he gives stickers, or sweets, or picture books...

Must people escalate everything into a bloody safeguarding issue?

SeriousCreativeBlock Fri 08-Apr-16 18:02:15

Hmm I don't think it's that weird. Maybe from a doctor, yes, but in general no.

DD is always getting money from random people for being 'cute', just means I don't have to fork out for treats grin

OurBlanche Fri 08-Apr-16 18:04:16


Indian medical bloke is nice to kids.... hold the front page!

Not safeguarding, not weird, wrong or dangerous. Just pleasantry.

Just another example of pediatrician being confused with pedophile!

LittleNelle Fri 08-Apr-16 18:09:22

It does seem a bit odd, but a lollipop or sticker would seem fine and really what's the difference? The dentist always gives my DS some small 'treat' thing.

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