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is this a professional way to behave?

(36 Posts)
dangerouswomen72 Thu 07-Apr-16 14:54:58

So I'm ringing round getting quotes for something regarding buying a house.

My husband calls me. Someone I spoke to has FB messaged him saying his wife (me) has just called for a quote. They are just Facebook friends not sure how they know each other maybe school.

AIBU not to want to deal with a person that does that?

Unfortunately a good quote.

getyourfingeroutyournose Thu 07-Apr-16 14:59:49

If it was someone you didn't like etc I'd be annoyed but because it was your husband he may have asked if it was his wife so he can help out... I'm guessing that's why you may have got a good quote??
It seems unprofessional in a sense but if he was finding out who you were to give you preferential treatment I wouldn't throw that back in his face.

Witchend Thu 07-Apr-16 15:07:04

I don't know. If I had a good friend and dh asked them for,a quote, they then realised it was me they might well send me a message. In a "aren't coincidences funny" way.
I'd look on the dealings with dh were professional. Dealings with me were friends.

SwearyGodmother Thu 07-Apr-16 15:10:21

I'd get your DH to ask if there's a 10% mates' rates discount.

It's the kind of thing that would annoy me and make me want to go elsewhere but I'm not hugely rational. If they're the best quote I might go with them, but I'd judge them for the rest of time for being a bit patronising - it'd make me feel like they checked up on me.

DropYourSword Thu 07-Apr-16 15:12:56

Depends on the wording of the message, but it just sounds to me from what you've said that he's reaching out to say hi to an old mate.

curren Thu 07-Apr-16 15:13:30

It depends why.

Speaking to you may have made him think of your dh, his old friend and contacted him in 'gave a quote to your wife today. But if a coincidence. Would be great to do some work for you and catch up' Yabu.

If it was 'I gave your wife a quote but thought I would send it to you cause you know, women are shit at this stuff' Yanbu.

WorraLiberty Thu 07-Apr-16 15:14:13

What else did he say in the message?

Surely it was more than just, "Your wife called for a quote"?

OurBlanche Thu 07-Apr-16 15:18:10

DH got a phone call (he doesn't do fb) and his mate said "Your missus just called for a quote for the plumbing. What do you really want doing?"

DH told him not to worry, we use someone else. Then rang me and giggled down the phone for quite a while before he managed to tell me what had happened.

The patronising twerp plumber has since been told, in detail, why he lost the job, by his wife (who thought it was funny but was furious that he might be losing other work for the same reason) smile

dangerouswomen72 Thu 07-Apr-16 15:23:10

Just to be clear the person is female. The quote was done prior to the message.

I just get niggly about people like that. Ie if they can share my details in that way, what else would they share and with whom.

I would rather her of said to me on the phone - o I think I know your husband.

Also it could of been someone else!

DropYourSword Thu 07-Apr-16 15:25:16

I still don't really get this. But it's interesting we all just assumed this person was male!

dangerouswomen72 Thu 07-Apr-16 15:26:12

I'm my head it sounded like a female grin

WorraLiberty Thu 07-Apr-16 15:26:55

You're annoyed she 'shared your details' with your husband?

dangerouswomen72 Thu 07-Apr-16 15:32:37

No just the action although it could have been personal.

She had to ask if he was my husband (to him, not me) so it could have been anyone.

dangerouswomen72 Thu 07-Apr-16 15:33:33


It was just that. I've just spoken to your wife.

SaucyJack Thu 07-Apr-16 15:37:15

Well, no- I'm sure she knew it was your husband.

It's just the British way innit when you phrase it as an uncertainty even when you know damn well what something is.

"Is this your foot sticking out here? It seems to be attached to your leg." Yadda yadda yadda.

Is there something more to this? I don't really get what "it" is.

RudeElf Thu 07-Apr-16 15:37:28

Funny i assumed it was a female and i dont know why.

So basically she spoke to you on the phone and thought "i think that lady is married to X that I know" so went on FB and found X and asked if he was married to dangerouswoman? Did she say anything about the quote or about you?

I think i'd be annoyed. For all she knew you were planning on leaving him and he had no idea you were getting quotes for the house!

Goingtobeawesome Thu 07-Apr-16 15:38:48

I assumed it was a lady. It's not the end of the world but there must be something about not discussing work etc.

Gryla Thu 07-Apr-16 15:40:18

I think it's more normal to say oh are you so and so wife rather than to ring the DH up in a separate conversation.

Also IME tradespeople tend to want to deal with the person asking for quotes which therefore seems more professional to me at least.

I think we tend to cause confusion as DH like me to do the ground work and then if he can be around for fitting and it's usually his accounts they are paid from.

He often tells them stuff and they'll look for conformation to me or want to deal with me until it become clear they we have discussed it all prior to talking to them or that it become clear I'll refer back to him. Suppose it makes sense as they wouldn't want to get caught in poor communication with a couple.

curren Thu 07-Apr-16 15:44:59

I don't get your issue.

Someone he knows told him she had spoken to you.

It's very uninteresting. But can't see why you are bothered.

LunaLunaLovegood Thu 07-Apr-16 15:45:53

Living in a small town this sort of thing sometimes happens to me and DH. It is always the unreliable ones that do it.

E.g. the plumber I use at work sees DH at school gates and says 'can you let your wife know I am behind with my invoicing but I'll send it tonight except my printers playing up so it might be tomorrow'

Or people tell me 'I saw your DH at x place working yesterday, what was he doing?'

DH and I struggle to have time to ourselves and work out who is taking what child where next, let alone to keep each other up to date on boring work trivia tbh.

KoalaDownUnder Thu 07-Apr-16 15:49:20

I am quite confused about what the issue is here. confused

Yseulte Thu 07-Apr-16 15:58:07

I get niggly about people who say 'could of' but I wouldn't make a thread about it. <shrugs>

PaulAnkaTheDog Thu 07-Apr-16 16:03:52

...I'm failing to see the issue, let alone why it would give you a 'niggly' feeling. Is it because it was a female?

Esspee Thu 07-Apr-16 16:07:48

You are not being unreasonable, she was being most unprofessional and I don't believe those of you who said they don't get the issue.

GloriousGoosebumps Thu 07-Apr-16 16:53:39

I am absolutely astonished at the number of posters who are saying that they can't see what the problem is. Firstly, she's being unprofessional and secondly, she has no idea how good or bad the relationship is between the op and her husband. By contacting the husband and informing him that his wife is getting quotes for "something regarding buying a house" she could have been putting the poster in danger.

I wouldn't do business with her and as for the quote being a good one, if she doesn't understand professionalism and confidentiality who's to say she has the skills to produce a realistic quote - you might find yourself with with a low quote but lots of extra bills at the end of the work.

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