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Upset at daughters words

(135 Posts)
SurroMummy13 Thu 07-Apr-16 09:53:07

I have a hole load of shit going on atm, stressed about work, money and other things in my life.

Oh a daily basis my daughter is telling me she doesn't like me, I'm a horrible mummy. Yes she's 3 and I know I shouldn't let it get to me so if any of the nasty asses want to have a bitchy comment, piss off elsewhere. I'm upset at this.

She only stops when she knows she's 100% upset me. I'm the one who does a damn thing for her and I'm the only one who gets treated this way. Himself just says 'well she's at that age'

Sat in floods of tears because of the way she's been with me just in the last 2 hours.

SurroMummy13 Thu 07-Apr-16 09:54:08

And I don't think it's just this, as like I said, there's 100 other things getting to me but this is defo the final nail in the coffin.

boobyooby Thu 07-Apr-16 09:57:19

I'm having a bad day too so thought I'd join you ...... Is there anyone that could have her for even an hour to let you have a coffee in peace and some breathing space? Sending you a virtual hug and letting you know you aren't alone

Jw35 Thu 07-Apr-16 09:59:02

I'd discipline a child do this! Some may not agree but I think it's out of order to use words like hate to somebody who cares about you. I would say 'don't talk to me like that please' and then whatever disipline tactic you use when she doesn't listen to you. She shouldn't be allowed to disrespect you like this and getting upset is feeding her game. She doesn't mean it she's winding you up for other reasons. You need to stop her now and hopefully the other reasons will be become clearer. She probably needs more attention, especially if you're going through a hard time. Thy pick up on things very easily.

MizK Thu 07-Apr-16 09:59:56

OK, of course it isn't nice for her to say these things but it's obviously just the tip of the iceberg for you. If you didn't have all the other stressors to deal with, I'm sure you would find it easier to shrug this off or set her straight.

My 5yo screamed that she hated me today and asked for a suitcase so she can pack her things and run away. I got her one and she is excitedly showing me all her packing (Shopkins and teddies mainly).

Your DD is no different from may other kids and I think you should try not to focus on her behaviour too much if the other things are actually far more detrimental to your happiness. She loves you and is just testing her boundaries. Be firm and don't lose your shit with her or you will feel even worse after. It's not easy and I hope you get to a happier place soon.

gamerchick Thu 07-Apr-16 10:00:49

They pretty much all go through this sort of stage you really can't take it personally, she isn't responsible for herself but you need to not act like you're being bullied in front of her. My stock answer was 'oh dear well I like you' and carry on with the day. Getting upset and crying like she has power over you is damaging to her.

How is everything else in your life? Are you happy in general?

SurroMummy13 Thu 07-Apr-16 10:00:49

Thanks. No no one, he knew what was going on but he still left to go to his home town.

Useless bag of piss he is. My mum is at work and my dad is unwell. Don't have friends. Well, none that I trust to look after her properly anyway.

Just been told that I'm nasty now.

Sorry you're having a shit day too X

Wolfiefan Thu 07-Apr-16 10:01:42

She probably means she hates what you are telling her but can't express that!
What do you mean she only stops when she's upset you? Be cross. Not upset. This is unkind and a mean thing to say.

RudeElf Thu 07-Apr-16 10:01:55

I think this would be better on the behaviour or relationship boards.

NeedACleverNN Thu 07-Apr-16 10:03:03

It's not nice but the more you react the more she will do it.

Ignore her. Show her it doesn't bother you and walk away. She will give up

Cry in private later.

AdriftOnMemoryBliss Thu 07-Apr-16 10:03:10

i'm with jw35, there is age appropriate discipline for being mean. Yes she is at 'that 'age' but that doesn't mean you shouldn't start to teach her about how its not nice to say things like that to people and upset them.

My DD did this and i would either tell her it wasn't nice and then ignore her for the next 15 minutes, or sit her on the naughty step for 3 minutes.

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 Thu 07-Apr-16 10:06:13

I know its upsetting for you, but isn't it better to focus on why a 3 year old would be saying such things, and how worrying that is for them? She's such a young child, where is she hearing such things, who is saying nasty things either to her or around her so that she is passing it on to you?
It sounds like you have a lot of tough stuff going on, but I think you're seeing your daughters behaviour as it pertains to you, and not focusing on what it means for her. She sounds like an unhappy child. You'd both feel better if you worked on making her relationships more positive. She's just a baby really.

SurroMummy13 Thu 07-Apr-16 10:06:59

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ricketytickety Thu 07-Apr-16 10:07:39

I remember my dd doing something similar but less harsh if I didn't let her do/get what she wanted. She'd say 'I won't be your friend' and I'd say 'well I'm not your friend, I'm your mummy'. Around the same time she called me by my first name and I was 'only you get to call me mummy, I want you to call me that.' I too was super stressed and despite trying to protect her I think she picked up on it and was feeling unsettled.

She was testing my love for her and what our relationship was. Make a point of telling her everyday how much you love her and enjoy being her mummy. Bedtime is great for this as all the stuff that has happened can be forgotten about.

Maybe have a phrase ready when she says it to make her feel more lovey. Like 'Well, I think you're lovely. And I love you very much.' I know t sounds weird but in reality that's what she wants from you. She testing you.

liinyo Thu 07-Apr-16 10:08:39

As another poster has said, just respond calmly 'I'm sorry to hear that. I love you very much' and walk away. She is too little to fully understand what she is saying, but as an attention seeking device it is working for her.

It sounds really tough at the moment, and your DH doesn't seem to be helping. I wonder if DD is picking up on a bad atmosphere.


gamerchick Thu 07-Apr-16 10:09:36

You can snarl at me all you want my feels aren't that sensitive.

Yes if this is a daily and often thing, allowing your 3 yr old daughter to bully you until you are in floods of tears is damaging to her. Take control man you are her mother.

RudeElf Thu 07-Apr-16 10:11:00

Wow OP! I wonder where your daughter has learned how to speak in such a nasty way hmm

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 Thu 07-Apr-16 10:11:12

Don't walk away or ignore her! This is a very young child who is obviously being affected by a huge amount of stress and unhappiness in the home. She's crying out for positive attention and needs love and reassurance, not even more stress.

Wolfiefan Thu 07-Apr-16 10:11:38

She's being a little shit?
I'm out.

Mishaps Thu 07-Apr-16 10:12:47

At that age they do not really know what they are saying. She knows though that it gets a reaction so that is why she is doing it. Laugh it off (even if she's made you feel crap) - she's more likely to stop if she does not get a reaction.

She doesn't actually hate you - it's just the word of the moment and will pass. Stay cool!

SurroMummy13 Thu 07-Apr-16 10:12:55

Thanks. Came for support and what do I get. Bunch of keyboard warriors being nasty to someone who asked for help.

Thank you to the ones who were nice.

RudeElf Thu 07-Apr-16 10:13:21

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Scooterloo Thu 07-Apr-16 10:15:26

Why are you having go a people giving you well meant advice? Go get fucked asshole? confused

Whilst you may be having a bad time, your responses are not helping you or your daughter. What about love bombing her?

Tell me to get fucked first though.

SurroMummy13 Thu 07-Apr-16 10:15:44

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FeralBeryl Thu 07-Apr-16 10:16:15

OP the people you singled out really aren't having a go!

So sorry you're having such a crap time. flowers I think the thing with them is at that age is to ignore them. She's obviously doing it for any type of reaction and is grinding you down until she gets a negative one.
Just because she's 3 doesnt mean you're immune to this behaviour in fact it's worse as you feel so guilty for wanting to drop kick a toddler downstairs
You sound completely overwhelmed. Is she the run round the park til she's shattered kind of kid? It's always compounded when you're trapped indoors with them I feel. cake

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