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to be annoyed DD is picking up MIL bad habits

(48 Posts)
AWitchCalledMeg Wed 06-Apr-16 16:32:00

I shall probably will get shot down for this but it's been bothering me for ages. DD is 3. Every time she sees my MIL she ends up copying her horrible way of pronouncing words which has always grated on me. Better, little, letter later.. none of these words contain the letter T apparently. It really bothers me because like it or not people do judge on your accent and it has been proven it can affect your career, how people perceive you etc. I am not a snob, I don't put on a naice accent. But I do want my children to pronounce words properly to a certain extent, I also want them to sound like they are actually related to me and my family! I know that a nice accent important really compared to other personal qualities. My MIL is a 60 year old teenager and our issues with her are a big can of worms (smoking around DC, trying to get DD to call her boyfriend 'grandad', feeding the baby desert laced with a lot of alcohol.. too many irresponsible and inappropriate things to list) but for the most part I try to maintain a good relationship. However sometimes I just despair that she is such a negative influence on the children and I get tired of constantly finding excuses why she and her boyfriend can't have the DC overnight or take them out for the day (she can see them whenever she was, just not comfortable with those two particular requests). And as they get older I worry about them picking up her views, to be frank she is an ignorant, rude bigot with limited social skills, manners, culture and life experience. Surely it's not just me, there must be other people out here who would feel the same? First world problems I know, yes other people have worse issues with family, yes it's a little thing in comparison to most issues out there but this is what is on my mind today as my DD has been sounding exactly like a mini version of MIL since seeing her on Sunday and I'm sure MIL does it on purpose! Even DH said she seems to 'ham it up' more around the children angry

AWitchCalledMeg Wed 06-Apr-16 16:33:12

Sorry for the typos, getting hit in the face by breastfeeding baby while typing blush

00100001 Wed 06-Apr-16 16:34:59

How long is she spending with them to pick up this habit? Surely she's spending the majority of the time with you? You can just correct it, surely? confused

BertrandRussell Wed 06-Apr-16 16:35:21

Of all the things you list, it's the glottal stops that bother you most? And you say you re not a snob! grin

LemonBreeland Wed 06-Apr-16 16:36:34

Children often end up dropping their t's. Mine have and it is probably from school firends. You just have to correct them and they will learn. Your DD won't do it forever.

I would be more worried about the bigoted views and would tell her to stop talking like that in front of your children or you will remove yourselves from her.

BoboChic Wed 06-Apr-16 16:37:57

It's not snobbery to dislike glottal stops. It's common sense to dislike glottal stops: they display a lack of education.

EatShitDerek Wed 06-Apr-16 16:38:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AWitchCalledMeg Wed 06-Apr-16 16:38:53

Bertrand of course thats not the thing that bothers me the most

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 06-Apr-16 16:39:52

Then why make that the basis of your aibu?

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 06-Apr-16 16:41:31

"feeding the baby desert laced with a lot of alcohol."

What's your DH's view of his mum?

Oh, and I'd stop with the "constantly finding excuses why she and her boyfriend can't have the DC overnight or take them out for the day" - just say 'no, I don't want that to happen'. It dares her to ask why <evil cackle>.

LazyDaysAndTuesdays Wed 06-Apr-16 16:41:35

It's common sense to dislike glottal stops: they display a lack of education.

Right ok hmm

AWitchCalledMeg Wed 06-Apr-16 16:41:58

She sees MIL one afternoon a week, I don't think that's a lot of time. She really likes MIL and seems quite influenced by her

DropYourSword Wed 06-Apr-16 16:42:29

It's common sense to dislike glottal stops: they display a lack of education.

That statement displays a lack of education.

FuckyNell Wed 06-Apr-16 16:43:17

grin drop yes indeed it does

LBOCS2 Wed 06-Apr-16 16:44:22

Glottal stops bother me. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but my parents worked quite hard to ensure that I had a 'neutral' accent, and I want my DC to have that too. Although they shouldn't, people do make judgements about broad regional accents, and it's just one thing you can do to stack the odds more in your favour.

So I correct. And correct. And correct. And the more time DD spends with me, the less she drops them.

Except she's a massive wind up merchant (at three) and deliberately does it with a massive grin on her face. And points out that 'X' relative says 'bu'er'. So that's a fun conversation to have too.

00100001 Wed 06-Apr-16 16:44:25

If it's one afternoon a week, then she must be getting it form other places as well. It would be very easy to correct.

and as for the "puddings laced with alcohol" was that tiramasu?

AWitchCalledMeg Wed 06-Apr-16 16:45:45

Perhaps subconsciously the title is just an excuse to open up about the general awfulness of MIL grin can see why it comes across I think the speech is the most important issue but I can assure you I do not.

BertrandRussell Wed 06-Apr-16 16:46:57

Have you heard the Esturine Young Royals? Even Eton can't eliminate the glottal stop!

OP- I don't like them either. I don't like f for th either. My children were younger than yours when they realized this and used it to wind me up. Rise above it.

But don't allow smoking round your small children, or feeding a baby alcohol. Everything else? Small stuff. Don't sweat it.

AWitchCalledMeg Wed 06-Apr-16 16:47:26

No it wasn't tiramisu it was some strawberry and cream concoction that she had poured half a bottle of pimms into

Spock27 Wed 06-Apr-16 16:48:32

My parents made fun of me when I was young and started dropping the ts. Not in a nasty way but enough to make me feel silly for doing it and stop!

Rather than come up with excuses I would say blatantly why you don't want her having them overnight - smoking around them,feeding them alcohol dessert confused it's not exactly being pfb not wanting your children's health to be harmed in these ways!

BertrandRussell Wed 06-Apr-16 16:49:06

She brought up your dp to be a person with views you find acceptable and presumably an OK accent. Relax.

AWitchCalledMeg Wed 06-Apr-16 16:56:08

Agree they would probably end up picking it up elsewhere, thanks for the tip about DD working out it annoys me and consequently doing it more.. I must remember that! It just grates on me so much because it's a sign if her influence and she is really not the sort of person anyone would want influencing their child. It makes me wonder what else the DC will pick up off her as they get older

Theimpossiblegirl Wed 06-Apr-16 16:58:40

Did the Pimms curdle the cream?
<Misses point of thread>

DD went through a similar stage at the same age. When she realised it annoyed me she did it even more. It soon stopped with some gentle correction but now she's 14 it seems to be happening again!

looki Wed 06-Apr-16 17:01:40

I don't mean to dismiss your post. It is obvious you don't particularly like your MIL or her views <understandable from your examples>.

I doubt she hams it up as stated by your DH. He is probably just far more aware of it when he is with you.

As another poster said don't worry about it too much. Your DH obviously turned out just fine and she was most probably one of the main influences in his early life.

Try to develop a light hearted banter about it. Just say the correct/incorrect way of pronouncing certain words (though not in a belittling manner as she is their grandmother and she has feelings!). Your kids will be fine.

Organon8 Wed 06-Apr-16 17:01:52

Why don't you get DH to talk to her?

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