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to stop giving them freebies?

(39 Posts)
KilgraveMadeMeDoIt Wed 06-Apr-16 13:38:19

We usually give DSs old clothes to a family friend who has a son a few months or so younger. Just stuff from Next and the like, we don't really buy anything "fancy" so to speak.

Anyway, I've just received a message, after posting we were going shopping for summer clothes and bits, saying I'm pathetic for spending money on clothes when he will outgrow them soon anyway and I should just go to the charity shop (which I do occasionally like to look for bargains in charity shops but I also like going to places like Next and Tesco etc too). They go abroad twice a year so it's not like they're on the poverty line, they're just frugal about buying clothes and things (hence why they ask for our old stuff "if it's in good condition")

AIBU to stop giving them stuff and just take the outgrown things to the charity shop instead? I'm so annoyed that they've slated us for buying things, but will happily have them off our hands hmm

Leeds2 Wed 06-Apr-16 13:40:16

I would take them to the charity shop. Your friend can buy them there if she wants to.

NeedACleverNN Wed 06-Apr-16 13:41:47


It has nothing to do with them on how you spend your money

Any decent friend would appreciate your cast offs. I know I would. Especially next products as they are not cheap.

Charity shop them

Sunnybitch Wed 06-Apr-16 13:44:11

Send a msg bk saying "oh it's OK ill get some of the money back when I sell the stuff on ebay" grin

Lunar1 Wed 06-Apr-16 13:45:04

Cheeky sods! Put them on your local FB selling site, you'll make someone really happy to get a nice bundle of things cheaply.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt Wed 06-Apr-16 13:45:55

I've never minded giving them to them as I obviously have no use for them anymore once he's outgrown them, but now they've said that it just makes me reconsider. It was so bitchy, I don't complain how other people spend their money confused

ElderlyKoreanLady Wed 06-Apr-16 13:46:39

Your friend called you pathetic for buying clothes?

SaucyJack Wed 06-Apr-16 13:48:30

You what?

Was it meant in a jokey way?

This person is not a friend.

LaContessaDiPlump Wed 06-Apr-16 13:49:02

Wow. That's not a friend confused stop giving them anything!

Niknack Wed 06-Apr-16 13:49:40

YANBU, I used to give my kids outgrown clothes to a friend or my Neice until they started selling them on Facebook when their kids had grown them!
The all go to charity shop or clothing bank now.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt Wed 06-Apr-16 13:51:52

From the way it read it sounded quite malicious Saucy, I know sometimes tone doesn't come across well over the Internet but there was nothing in the message to suggest it was lighthearted if you know what I mean?

girlywhirly Wed 06-Apr-16 13:53:43

She thinks you are pathetic for buying new clothes, which she is pleased to accept in good condition when your DS outgrows them?

Perhaps you should reply that she is entitled to her opinion, but it is none of her business where you buy your DS' clothes. And as Leeds says, outgrown ones will be in the charity shop from now on.

If she didn't want to accept them from you she didn't have to be so rude, she could have politely asked you to stop giving them. You must have saved her a lot of money over time. Is she under the influence of another friend do you think?

NorbertDentressangle Wed 06-Apr-16 13:54:16

Hang on a minute ....the "friend" who is happy to take your DS's hand-me-down clothes for her own son is the same "friend" who is slating you for buying clothes??? Even though she benefits from them??


loosechange Wed 06-Apr-16 13:58:01

Agree, give them to a charity shop from now on. Your money, your choice what you spend it on. Regardless of whether you buy designer clothes or high store clothes first hand.

newmumwithquestions Wed 06-Apr-16 13:58:37

YANBU at all. She's being out of order. And she's not very bright as she benefits from you buying clothes!

YourLeftElbow Wed 06-Apr-16 13:58:47

I really would reply-
Ha! We don't think it's pathetic, but you do have a point about them
costing, so we've decided to sell them on on ebay afterwards to recoup the costs.

QuietTiger Wed 06-Apr-16 14:01:08

One of my indulgences is to buy my 15 month DD clothes from "higher end" childrens clothing brands (Not designer, just really good quality stuff). We can afford it, I like doing it and my motivation for it is no one else's business.

Like you, I often pass the clothes on when DD has grown out of them.

One particular "friend" had a real dig at me one day accusing DD of looking like she was a catalogue advert for one particular brand I particularly like and DD wears a lot. It wasn't good natured, because "friend" then accused me of wasting my money. She was quite happy to then ask me for hand-me-downs though. (I said no).

"Wasting" money is relative. Example - I think that people who spend their money on cigarettes is a waste (DAunt I'm looking at you!). My DAunt thinks I wasted my money taking my Dcat to the USA and back with me when I was working there, but smokes 40 a day. You get the gist.

I'd stop giving your friend your hand me downs and take them to the charity shop.

It may be that other factors are at work, such as jealousy or envy, or it may not, but certainly don't feel bad for dressing your DS however the hell you want.

Flossiesmummy Wed 06-Apr-16 14:02:46

Cut her loose. Making comments like that is unacceptable.

NeedACleverNN Wed 06-Apr-16 14:03:43

You could essentially say that two holidays abroad a year is a waste of money.

Thousands paid out for no real benefit*

Least you a buying something a child needs. Clothes.

* I get you get sun, sea, and sand if it's hot and you get family bonding and maybe experience some new culture but you have nothing real to show for it before people start yelling at me. Yes I have been on holiday and yes i still will

OracleofDelphi Wed 06-Apr-16 14:04:18

Wow! Some people... I cant believe she would slate you when you give her good quality clothes for free?

Anyway you now know not to make that mistake again! Personally I wouldn't reply as I couldnt be arsed having to justify myself to someone who could be so rude. Just dont reply and dont ever give her anything again. If she did mean this seriously the I couldnt be friends with someone who judged me, and then felt it acceptable to email me to let me know they were judging me ! What a cow...

missnevermind Wed 06-Apr-16 14:04:31

Just tell her it's a good idea to support the charity shops and you will be sending the next outgrown bundle to them directly

AugustaFinkNottle Wed 06-Apr-16 14:08:11

Perhaps she's selfishly concerned that you're buying summer clothes now because, by the time your DS has outgrown them, the summer will be over and they won't be any use for her child?

CandyFlossBrain Wed 06-Apr-16 14:33:23

She sounds incredibly entitled, and also thick. She probably thinks you're 'pathetic' to buy childrens clothes as they just magically appear from friends!

Absolutely don't give her any more. If she asks tell her you sell them on eBay now to get some of the cost back, and she's welcome to bid if she likes...

SoupDragon Wed 06-Apr-16 14:33:49

Reply "Not everyone has someone that gives them clothes for free!"

StableYard Wed 06-Apr-16 14:40:05

How utterly bizarre of her to comment like that. I personally would have to reply and set her straight at how nasty she has been.

I also would step away from this friendship - far to negative. Don't give her anything else.

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