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AIBU?

I think my husband's drinking is getting out of hand...

234 replies

LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 13:31

He drank three bottles of red wine last night. I noticed the amount, as in the last month or two I have stopped drinking at all.

I think it is too much. He went to the shop late in the evening to get the third bottle. This concerns me.

If he his, what can I do? It is his responsibility, not mine. But I don't want him to make himself ill. He doesn't do this every night by the way. Mainly at the weekends.

OP posts:

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cozietoesie · 06/04/2016 13:33

How confident are you that that's all he's having?

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 06/04/2016 13:35

You're not seriously unsure about whether three entire bottles of wine are ok or not for one person, especially on a regular basis, are you?

Of course its far too much! And I'm a big drinker. It's a crazy amount to be drinking alone. What can you do? Nothing, other than leave him if its too much for you. Any changes are his and his alone.

cozietoesie · 06/04/2016 13:36

Does he drive during the day?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 06/04/2016 13:37

Three bottles is far too much. Anything over three glasses would probably count as a binge by nhs guidelines.

crayfish · 06/04/2016 13:37

I would probably be very very ill (hospital ill) if I drank three bottles of wine, of course it's too much. Whether it's a week-night or not. Have you spoken to him properly about it? Did you stop drinking because you felt you were drinking too much? That could be a good way-in to talking about it.

WeAllHaveWings · 06/04/2016 13:40

According to the Morning After app, it would take 30 hours after drinking 3 bottles of 13% wine for the alcohol to leave his system. Hope he isn't driving today.

YANBU he has a problem with drinking.

Azulejo9 · 06/04/2016 13:45

3 bottles is far too much. 1 bottle a night is even a lot. How does he function the day after?

WhingyNinja · 06/04/2016 13:46

Goodness me that's a lot of wine, OP!

How much would you get through together when you were drinking? It's concerning that 2 bottles was not enough to the point he went out specifically to buy more.

He needs support, talk to him about this and if he doesn't realise this is s problem and excessive you may need to question whether you wish to stay married to someone with potential alcohol dependency.

cozietoesie · 06/04/2016 13:48

If he wasn't flat on the floor after that lot, I'm afraid it's more likely to be an actual alcohol dependency.

WetLettuce123 · 06/04/2016 13:49

Three bottles in one night? That's astonishing no wonder you're concerned. How regular is that?

isthismylifenow · 06/04/2016 13:54

Yes I would be concerned. So he was drinking alone, and got through 2 bottles then went out (walking I hope) for another.

Why have you stopped drinking OP?

LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 13:54

Yes, I did stop drinking completely as I was worried I was drinking too much. I stopped after Christmas. I wasn't drinking as much as that, btw.

I think, as I am now stone cold sober, it is starting to reveal itself how much he is drinking by himself.

I won't be leaving him. Yes, i wonder if it might be a way in as i wave stopped. Without being all kind of virtuous about it.

In fact, he has mentioned that it might help him to reduce his drinking now that I have done.

It was the way in which he had to go out, at ten in the evening, to buy another bottle (the third of the day) that really worried me. he had the first in the park in the afternoon, the second early evening and this morning, I find the third empty bottle.

I didn't spend the evening with him btw. I put the children to bed early and had a long bath and went to bed with one of the children,

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 06/04/2016 13:55

That level of consumption is not only astonishing, it's a lot of money, especially if it was from other than.a supermarket. How much cash does he get through, OP?

LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 13:56

Oh, it was just the local co-op. Around £6 a bottle I suppose.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 06/04/2016 13:57

In the park? Were the kids with him?

isthismylifenow · 06/04/2016 13:57

In the park??

He drank a whole bottle of wine in the park in the afternoon....

Sorry OP, that isn't the norm as far as I am concerned.

exWifebeginsat40 · 06/04/2016 13:57

blimey. I'm a (sober) alcoholic and even in my heyday 3 bottles of red would have floored me.

but. alcoholism isn't about how much, or what is drunk. it's about consequences. does he black out? can he remember going to bed? what time did he go out for more booze?

the start of the end for me was being physically unable to fit enough beer or wine in me to get me to oblivion.

vodka straight from the bottle is not a good look, and it very nearly killed me in the end. he's your husband. talk to him. if he becomes defensive or angry, this is becoming an issue.

do you have children at home, OP?

LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 13:58

Yes, the local shop is just round the corner. Possibly unfortunately, as it is open till 11pm in the evening.

He doesn't usually go out for more btw. I think yesterday was on the high side, tbh. When I first met him he was a vodka drinker. That seems to have gone to one side for now.

It mainly seems to worsen when he's under a lot of work stress (as at the moment) or in social situations as is usually very quiet. Not excusing him; just trying to explain.

OP posts:

exWifebeginsat40 · 06/04/2016 13:59

oh. cross-post. your husband seems likely to be a problem drinker. children notice these things. talk to him.

molyholy · 06/04/2016 13:59

he had the first in the park in the afternoon

What? He drank a bottle of wine in the park? Was he looking after the children?

It seems pretty odd drinking a bottle of wine in the park in the afternoon.

LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 14:00

We were all in the park, together. not the children's park. Children were off playing.

I'm trying to help him, so would appreciate comments around that more than judginess please. Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:

LovelyBath · 06/04/2016 14:01

It's not that odd round here. Plenty of couples and people out in the city park with picnics and wine. Was a sunny day.

OP posts:

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exWifebeginsat40 · 06/04/2016 14:02

you can't help him, unless he wants you to. it's a cliche but it's also absolutely true. if he is concerned he has a GP, AA or local alcohol services.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 06/04/2016 14:04

3 bottles - couldn't that be something like 36 units? That's a huge amount.

What was the 'park' setting? If (say) an arranged picnic with friends or other parents + kids, some wine OK (but a whole bottle to himself still very excessive IMO). By himself, very worrying.

exWifebeginsat40 · 06/04/2016 14:04

sorry, that sounded unkind. but he will surely know that his drinking is a problem? all you can do is signpost him to help if he wants it. Al-anon is also helpful to some.

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