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Feeling old and ugly.

(38 Posts)
flopseyR72 Tue 05-Apr-16 20:03:26

Warning self indulgent post. Have just turned 43 and have 7 month baby. Everything is great with the baby and she makes me so happy. Love her so much. How do you stop feeling ugly and unattractive as you age. I think face looks ok in the mirror. But when I look at photos I just look so old and awful. Saggy chin and wrinkles and hollow face. My boobs have gone enormous 34h. Tummy not as flat obviously. Not very overweight . Mainly face that just looks so awful. Don't have any nice pics with the baby as I hate my picture. How can you feel better about feeling ugly.

PPie10 Tue 05-Apr-16 20:06:18

I think are our own worst critics. Give yourself a break, you're a new mum and bound to be tired, out of it and you will get there. Your baby thinks you are the bestsmileenjoy her and try not to worry about it too much.

curren Tue 05-Apr-16 20:09:37

I didn't start feeling more attractive until I went back to work so was kind of forced to put more effort it.

Then I started putting a bit more effort in and a bit more. It's always difficult with small kids. My youngest is five and I exercise regularly, make sure I eat well etc.

I feel better about myself in general now so my flaws don't both me as much.

thanks for you though. It's a tough time

Jojoriley Tue 05-Apr-16 20:10:54

Had some photos and was looking for one to frame. I joke with friend about this one pic where I thought I looked so awful. Later my husband says 'how about that one where you look so pretty?' Same picture- See - you are not the best judge of how you look. Bad thoughts - let them go. flowers

flopseyR72 Tue 05-Apr-16 20:13:38

I guess. My partner rarely takes pics of me. Thousands of baby. I don't blame him. My pics fill me with horror. I think just look so ugly with big nose. Saggy chin. Droopy eyelids. It's like I didn't see this coming at all.

curren Tue 05-Apr-16 20:15:42

You say you don't like your picture being taken, so why would your dh do it if you don't like it.

I think it's fairly common for parents to take more photos of their baby than their partner, tbh.

That's not a reflection on how you look though.

I have loads of photos of the kids on my phone and just 2 of dh. I think he is gorgeous, though.

CreepingDogFart Tue 05-Apr-16 20:16:24

You are 43 with a baby and a husband. You are in a wonderful position.

sepa Tue 05-Apr-16 20:17:29

27 with a 4 week old baby and feel like a minger. Nephew asked me if I was sure I didn't have another baby in my tummy as I'm still carrying weight there. C-section got infected bad so I haven't been allowed to wash for 3 weeks (I have washed).
Your self doubts isn't a age thing... It's a 'oh that celeb fitted into her size 6 jeans as soon as the baby fell out and looks refreshed as 20 year old' kind of thing. Stupid media I'm looking at you hello magazine

Guitargirl Tue 05-Apr-16 20:19:24

You are tired - I can guarantee you that in ten years' time you will look at those photos and wonder what you were worried about!

(I now look at pictures of a 25-year-old me where I thought I was 'fat'. I really wasn't)

Sothisishowitfeels Tue 05-Apr-16 20:32:55

If it makes you feel better op I am 32 with a new baby (and a big tummy grin) but I have also developed the most horrific excema on my eyes - I look like one of those red eyes plague - zombie victims in films.

I really think everyone takes a hit when they have a young baby, you probably don't look as bad as you imagine and even if you do so the hell what?

You have a lovely baby, a husband who I am assuming loves you and your looks.

IceBeing Tue 05-Apr-16 20:36:32

The thing is everyone is going to get old and ugly. Everyone is going to have to either get over it, or be sad and miserable for the rest of their lives.

Just beat the rush and get over it now! There are more important things than youth and beauty. Seriously WAY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS.

sepa Tue 05-Apr-16 20:44:38

*not allowed to shower (not not allowed to wash) grin

ToucheShay Tue 05-Apr-16 20:44:54

You're 43 with a baby? Hats off to you. I'm 43 with teens and I'm knackered.

napmeistergeneral Tue 05-Apr-16 20:46:19

I am 37 and have a 5 month old. I've always hated having my photo taken and struggled with the way I look. But my favourite pictures of me now are the ones I've taken of me and my DS. I'm tired, my hair is unbrushed, my outfits deeply questionable. But I'm snuggling with my baby and my happiness shines through. I'm still not a model but I'm sure that in the future I'll look back and see only my happiness, not the bags or the spots or the giant leaking boobs. Try to focus on the positives, remember how beautiful you are to your baby, and let that happiness radiate. Then take lots of photos and selfies at flattering angles! The best way to take a good photo is to take lots and keep only your favourites. I'm sure you will look absolutely lovely.

BillyGoatGruff007 Tue 05-Apr-16 20:47:16

No-one gets old and ugly; the lucky ones get old, but old is always beautiful.
This beauty is 90 years of age.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Tue 05-Apr-16 21:01:54

OP it took me at least a year to recover from the births of my babies and feel normal again. I went quite puffy around the face during pregnancy, and it didn't fade that quickly, add tiredness and being puffy eyed too - mmm nice mix.

I'm 45 and youngest is 8 now. I do look in the mirror and think argh. But with make up and hair done, I look passable. I love sunny days when I can wear dark glasses grin and scarves and necklaces can detract from the double chin.

On the photo thing - I hate having my photo taken as well, but I deeply regret not posing for a million photos with my dc as babies, even if only one out of the million was any good! I have only a few nice ones.

Pose, do selfies, have them taken from a bit of a distance, whatever works - but do take them. I take lots now - and I do selfies of me with dc in the background, things like that - because when I'm gone, I want the dc to have photos of themselves with their mum.

bolleauxnouveau Tue 05-Apr-16 21:02:40

I think we all have a bit of a crisis when we see what pregnancy and childbirth do to our bodies,we are given ridiculous expectations. You had a baby, congrats., be kind to yourself.

imeatingthechocolate Tue 05-Apr-16 21:06:37

with the photos have you tried making them black and white? sounds mental but ive a pic of me with my ds and he is congested from the birth looked well severely ill to put it mildly i made it black and white and it works plus some of me looking knackered work better in BW or sepia

Itinerary Tue 05-Apr-16 21:07:43

You sound completely normal to me!

MerryInthechelseahotel Tue 05-Apr-16 21:15:55

Your baby's heart will skip a beat when you come in the room. Surely that's priceless!

My dsis had a make over with Bella magazine years ago and her boys were infants. When she came home looking glamorous with new hair style, clothes and make up her youngest was screaming! He wouldn't go near her for ages!

liquidrevolution Tue 05-Apr-16 21:21:52

Am 43 with an 18 month old. No time to look after myself so just look so frumpy. I work outdoors so no need to dress smart and presentable. Just started a healthy eating thing this week. Not a diet. Just reducing the amount of crap I eat and trying to do 15 mins of exercise a day.

I second the black and white thing. Also take lots of selfies with your baby and use a photo filter. I instagram and it means that occaisionally there is a nice pic of Dd and me.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 05-Apr-16 21:26:35

Firstly I bet you're stunning. As previously said. We're our own worse enemy, at times.
Look at the positives. You have a new baby and 34 H boobs. Not to sound shallow op, but lots of women would pay £1,000s for boobs that big, and yes. You may not be photogenic, but that's no slur on what you actually look like. Lots of gorgeous people just don't get along with the camera, and it can work the other way. You get people who aren't genetically blessed and the camera adores them.

WetLettuce123 Tue 05-Apr-16 21:45:36

Can empathise with this so much. Agree with PP that women are our own worst enemies. It makes me sad and angry that precious times such as a baby being born can be marred by feelings of inadequacy over looks.

As I age I have to put loads more effort into looking good, I'm not even that old but I'm gradually noticing now more and more wrinkles and frown lines. My face doesn't fall into place as it used to. It is a bit depressing, but you can only make the best of what you have. Congratulations on your new baby. Spend an hour really trying with your appearance and just knowing its achievable to feel good again will help hopefully.

Fontella Tue 05-Apr-16 21:50:09


The late, great and best (in my opinion) Beatle, George Harrison wrote a wonderful post-Fabs album called 'All Things Must Pass' in 1970, and he nailed it!

This is a phase my darling and it will pass. I was 39 when I had my youngest and I remember sprouting white hairs and looking in the mirror and seeing a puffy faced old hag with fat legs (and I have never had fat legs in my life. Slender, long legs were my trademark and suddenly here were a couple of tree trunks holding me up!)

The huge hormonal upheaval the body goes through to produce a child cannot be underestimated, especially at 43 ffs. Some women pop them out and are down the gym the next week and others take a longer time to recover. I remember going to a wedding when my youngest was 14 months old and seeing the group photo afterwards. There was this fat puffy faced ugly woman in the back row and it was me!!!! I didn't even recognise myself.

A couple of years later I looked better than I have looked for years. My body settled back down, the white hairs dropped out, I lost weight, got a new lease of life and was a bit of a babe for a few years if I do say so meself!

Now I'm not quite so svelte as I once was and when I go out with my daughter .. let's just say, no one is looking at me. But what does it matter really? As someone said up above - we are all going to age - there is no stopping it, no antidote, so you either hate the sight of yourself, or you settle down into your own skin.

We can't all be airbrushed beauties - but as the old saying goes 'beauty is only skin deep' and it's who you are that counts. And you sound lovely!

Have a bit of George to ruminate on ....

Heartbroken4 Tue 05-Apr-16 22:04:52

I have had four full-term pregnancies and have four children under 9. My Husband has left me for a 24 year-old. I am 37. Whilst I am very slim (the longest I have been not pregnant or breastfeeding and as a result of stress) I look old and tired and sad. My skin is poor, due to stress and bad/little eating; my eyes sad and tired and wrinkled; I have virtual sole-charge of four small children so I am busy and dress to be purposeful. I can look good, when I have the time to spend on myself and have the occasion, but the OW seems to have endless time to spend on eye make-up and doing her hair ... I miss him looking at me with eyes of love and words of reassurance but it now makes sense as to why he couldn't take a nice photo of me over the last year. Apparently, he has taken a lovely one of her and it is on his time line. If you are loved, you have a lot, Op.

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