To be gutted we can't accept the house

[Ange246]

Not sure if it's really an Aibu but anyway I'd just like somebody else's opinions on the matter. I'm married with three kids, the youngest we suspect has additional needs and is currently undergoing assessment. We currently live in a private rented house but have stayed on the council list and have been bidding for properties for the last couple of years in the hope of getting somewhere in the area we live now. The main reason for wanting to get a house with the council is that our youngest is continually causing damage to our house and we are worried that if the landlord sees it he will want us out. We repair things as and when we can afford it but i constantly feel on edge with it not being our own home. Our landlord also won't agree to us having door locks fitted which we do need as our son escapes and runs off so I'm on pins.

So we continued to bid but unfortunately the area we live now is very popular so we've not been offered anywhere. Talking to my dh we decided that maybe we should try bidding in other areas close by just to see if we get anywhere more than anything, as we no that if we are offered somewhere and then change our minds it won't go against us. So we thought we'd try and well we've been offered somewhere. It's a three bed house around three miles from were we live now and it's seems a nice house and the area is ok.

I got rather excited until I remembered one little detail. We apply for secondary school for our daughter thisbSeptember and as it stands she has got two good choices of schools were she could get into either. You see her older brother is at a secondary school a two minute walk away from here but my dd wants to go to the high school her primary feeds into and I'm afraid if we move to the house we've been offered she won't stand a chance of getting into her first choice high school or her brother's school which will be her second choice.

Sorry if I'm being confusing. Basically my older two kids went to our local primary school a two minute walk away from our house. Due to my Dd being bullied I decided to pull her out a couple of years ago and she started at another school around a five minute drive away, her brother was in year 6 and leaving for high school himself that year so it worked out great. The other local schools (within a couple of minutes walk) didn't have a place for my dd so we got her into another school in the next town were she's settled lovely and is happy.

Now the school she goes to is the unofficial feeder school to a brilliant Catholic secondary school and she wants to go there if possible. 90% of her classmates should move to the school and despite living further away than some of her friends she still stands a good chance as she's baptised and we live within one of the four named parishes. Well the problem is if we move we'll no longer live within one of the parishes and my dd will then stand no chance of getting a place.

Another issue is that if we move my dd will also be less of a priority for her brother's secondary school (our 2nd choice). You see my son's school prioritise children who attend the three names feeder primary schools (one of which I pulled my daughter out of) first, then siblings and then all other children. So as she doesn't go to one of the feeder schools anymore she'll only get a place as her brother already attends and from what I heard last year some brothers and sisters didn't get a place as they lived too far away.

So I'm in a pickle really. If we stay were we are my dd will have more a less an equal chance for both schools but if we move she'll stand zero chance of getting a place at the first school and it'll be touch and go for the second school. It's such as shame as if we had have been offered this house further on in the year say after I'd applied for school in October then I wouldn't think twice of accepting the house but now as it stands there's no way we can accept. AIBU for moaning? As i'm genuinely disappointed. But my dd comes first and I can't jeopardise her chances of getting into a local good school can I.

[witsender]

The issue is that if you decline, does it go against you in future?

[Ange246]

No I asked that. They said that previously it would have done but they've changed the rules now.

[MakeItRain]

Oh that's really tough. I think you're right to prioritise your dd's education, especially if she's already been through a tough time. A house may well come up again once she starts at the school.

[WetLettuce123]

It's hard but I would prioritise the house. You may never get offered another one and a secure tenancy with the council is like gold dust these days.

[witsender]

Is your son safe?

[NynaevesSister]

It's only until October. I'd stay put too. I know it sounds like you really want and need this house. And having the constant worry of your son is draining. But having just gone through the application process for secondary myself I would say you will really regret it if you take the house.

[Ange246]

Yes he's safe but only becaause I have to watch him like a hawk. I was recently told by the council that we could apply to be rebanded on non urgent medical grounds which that would then have increased our chances of getting a house in the area we are in now but there was an issue with that. If we were offered a band B (we are in a D now) and given non urgent medical priority then they would insist my son had his own room so I'd effectively only be able to bid on 4 bedroom properties and in our area there aren't any, so either way I'm stuck. So going for another area is our only option but the timing is off what with apply for secondary school soon.

[x2boys]

I was in a,similar position regarding ds wrecking stuff in private rented he has autism and learning disabilities and I was offered my house a year ago thankfully and it cost us a fortune to put stuff right depending in where you are in the country it may not take that long to get another house I turned down a couple .

[blankmind]

What are the schools like in the new area? Are they also good secondaries? Have you checked thoroughly?

Could you take the house and then put your daughter's first choice of secondary as a sibling to your son's school, then pick another good school in the new area as second choice?

Bear in mind that if you were moving say 20 miles away, all the children would have to attend new schools within catchment anyway.

I'd go for the house as a priority. Kids who want to do well do well despite going to mediocre schools.

[Ange246]

Aw was you yeah. It's awful as I feel terrible that my landlords house is in such a state. We spent thousands on it last year repairing things, decorating, paying plasterers and plumbers etc. Now I'm not saying my son would suddenly stop trashing tbibgs if we moved to another house but at least if we have a council property then we can relax a bit and repair things as we go.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

I'd take the house in a heartbeat. Your daughter will adapt to whichever school she gets in to

[chickenowner]

I agree with Vince - unless you know something awful about the secondary school in your potential new area?

[BishopBrennansArse]

House every time.
I have 3 kids who have multiple complex needs so understand trashing.
I really do think your son's safety, your peace of mind and a secure tenure are priority here.

[Witchend]

I'd take the house. And if she doesn't get in go for appeal. Can you get her registered as a young carer, which could help?

[flirtygirl]

Def take the house, as the rules keep changing and you may not get another chance, the school is important but less so and she will eventually settle in.

[x2boys]

Ds has seemed to stop wrecking stuff as much but like you say in council it's not so much s problem and I'd they are aware of your child's special needs they are more lenient well mine are anyway plus the carpets and decorating are ours anyway and we are allowed to replace internal doors etc.

[Ange246]

Hi. Yeah there are only two secondary schools near where we would potentially be living. One is CofE and heavily oversubscribed and as she's Catholic she'd be very unlikely to get a place. The other school is in special measures and whilst under normal circumstances it wouldn't necessarily put me off I've seen first hand what the school is like and as for its reputation, well let's just say it certainly lives up to it. I honestly couldn't opt for there, if I could then it wouldn't be a problem.

[BagpussOhSagpuss]

Just popped on to say, please check the admissions criteria for your area before making this decision based solely on secondary schools. Where I live, feeder schools, either Official or unofficial no longer exist. All applications are decided centrally, usually based on distance from school etc( criteria are all available online).
I would hate you to miss out on a better life because you may have misunderstood/ misinterpreted the secondary admissions systems.
Good luck for your future.

[Ange246]

The school she/I are choosing as first choice well it's not so much it's a great school the reason for me wanting her to go there. I mean it is brilliant but after what she went though at her old primary she's so happy now with a class full of brilliant kids and she's made some really good friendships. If she didn't get into that school then she'd be upset but at least she'd get into her brother's school (were she'd e happy no doubt) were all of her friends from her old school will be going (except for the boy who bullied her as he's moved out of the area now) so it was win win really. Where as if we move she'd most definitely be offere the failing school as like I said she's Catholic not CofE so it's not as though we could get into the other school.

[BagpussOhSagpuss]

Ah, ignore me, just re read your OP ( properly this time) and of course you have checked the admissions criteria
However, I still think you should you should take the house.

[FruityDelicious]

Your reasons for moving seem to imply it's fine to damage local authority property rather than a private landlords unless I have totally misread.

Education is very important, more so than a different house. I'd work on the damage issues as moving won't solve anything.

[Ange246]

Hi Bagpuss thanks, it's ok I understand what you're saying. You're right most schools don't have feeder schools or an official catchment area but at my dd's first choice school you have to be baptised Catholic AND live within one of four named parishes to be put in the top three criteria. Criteria four is for kids who are baptised but don't live within one of the parishes or have siblings and only a few places are offered to kids in this category and usually they live just outside the parish were as we'd live a fare way out if we moved.

My son's school as of last year introduced a new top criteria and it now names three schools as its official feeders and kids who attend these schools (no matter where they live) are priority before siblings and even kids who live across the road from the school who don't attend one of the feeder primary schools (which is us)

[StatisticallyChallenged]

I don't think OP is saying it's OK to damage local authority property but that she would have more security as a LA tenant and wouldn't be living in fear of the landlord doing an inspection, seeing damage and issuing an eviction notice. Social landlords don't tend to do that unless they become aware of massive damage.

I think a lot depends on how easy it would be for you to get another rented property if you did get evicted, and also how easy travel is going to be from the potential new areas - if you wait, get DD into secondary school and then try to move is it going to be a feasible commute for her? If not then you need to either go now or wait until she finishes school.

Personally I'd take the security of a council property.

[x2boys]

I didn't read it like that Fruity I read that op,s dc has probable additional needs and therefore wrecks stuff ,been there done bought the bloody t shirt ,the difference in council though they can't just kick you out and if they are aware your child has disabilities they are more understanding of damage than a private landlord would be who after all its their livelihood.