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AIBU?

To worry about what ds eats with other people?

68 replies

Ivegotyourgoat · 05/04/2016 16:38

My ds (8), has a really sweet tooth and a general love of food. I'd say he can eat way more than I could at his age. He is genuinely a healthy weight.

I'm conscious of weight because I know he'd eat an unlimited amount of crisps/chocolate etc if allowed. I don't deny any foods but I try to keep track in my mind what junk food he's had.

When he was younger 3-4 years old my mum would look after him and I realised she was literally plying him with food. She'd give him a roast dinner or chips and beans and bread, then a cheese sandwich, then she'd have a large corner type yoghurt, a cornetto, a slice of cake, all in the space of a couple of hours, he'd come home with stomach ache.

If we stopped by briefly she'd make him cheese on toast even if we'd eaten.

After much discussion she reluctantly stopped. Now it's my in laws that doing it, example he was with them he had a packet of crisps, a Belgian bun, a crunchie bar and a chocolate muffin.

I went to my sisters and he'd had a jam tart and I was in the kitchen she'd given him a large bag of popcorn.

We visited a friend and he was given two buttons yoghurt deserts, crisps, an ice cream and a meal that would have fed two.

Just for context my idea of a normal days diet would be something like porridge, snack of a banana, lunch a sandwich/eggs on toast, apple and maybe some crisps then evening meal of spag bol/roast dinner/chicken potato and salad maybe a pudding like a yoghurt or fruit.

Everyone thinks it's a big joke and laughs that he loves sweets or where does he put it.

Surely it's not normal for friends and family to ply children with all that? It's got where I can't test him myself to an ice cream at the park if we are visiting anyone.

It's really hard to be assertive especially when people just hand him cakes without even checking with me first.

OP posts:

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EatShitDerek · 05/04/2016 16:44

This reply has been deleted

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QueenJuggler · 05/04/2016 16:45

Does he ask for the food? It seems a little odd that so many people do that.

SummerHouse · 05/04/2016 16:46

Totally agree. Just been staying with family and they literally have bowls of sweets and choc treats! Dotted around! 4 and 6 year old were beside themselves. It was like a permanent Charlie and the chocolate factory. I have no advice just sympathy. I hate to challenge and we don't see this family much. I think you know when things go too far and you have to say no. "Just one treat please we don't want to spoil him" etc.

AppleSetsSail · 05/04/2016 16:47

I'd let it go. He doesn't spend enough time with any one of these people for it to present an issue.

Ivegotyourgoat · 05/04/2016 16:48

The thing is ds would never say no, he hears a chocolate wrapper rustle from a mile away.

We see family every week so it's not just an occasional thing.

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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/04/2016 16:48

I wouldn't worry unless it was happening every day tbh. Ds eats an extraordinary amount of crap when visiting grandparents, there seems to be no filling up a growing teen!

RubbleBubble00 · 05/04/2016 16:49

ask them to offer fruit first. mil got it when I talked to her so it's a sweet type yogurt then fruit

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2016 16:50

Is this happening just because it's the Easter school holidays, or is it a more permanent thing?

If you're worried about it, you need a firmer word with the adults.

But also as he's 8yrs old, you could also have a word with him too about his teeth etc.

Ivegotyourgoat · 05/04/2016 16:50

Yes he does ask sometimes too, but then he associates going to certain places with sweets, then people immediately get the sweets out because they know he loves them and so it goes on.

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BertrandRussell · 05/04/2016 16:52

I would!'t think to ask a parent before offering an 8 year old something to eat...........

Once a week isn't going to hurt him. Honest. Just so long as he understands that the are home rules and outside rules.

taptonaria27 · 05/04/2016 16:52

I struggle with this too, especially as my dd is slightly overweight.
I give a pep talk on the way about only having one thing (which turns into more) and not saying yes to everything offered. Now at 8&11 the kids do moderate themselves a bit.
It's a difficult one especially when you see the people a lot and I think that you need to instil the control in him as well as maybe having a word with them

daydreamnation · 05/04/2016 16:55

I do worry but only because ds has a severe nut allergy! Otherwise I wouldn't at all, he eats well at home and that's where he eats almost his meals.

Ivegotyourgoat · 05/04/2016 16:58

No with the family we see them every week so that's more difficult.

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Picturesofmatchstickmen · 05/04/2016 16:59

I can relate to this as i had a child who loved food and had all the usual comments, where does he put It etc. DGP and other family seemed to find his overeating and endless appetite cute and encouraged it! I wish I had stood up to them. Several times he was sick when out with them due to being allowed an adults sharing size dessert on the basis that he wanted it, and could leave it when he was full. Trouble was, he is never full. Now 11 he is overweight and I blame myself, he used to eat loads but always a normal weight, it crept on and now food has to be "a thing" as I have to be strict, to help him grow into his weight without putting on more.

Yanbu. This is your child, stand firm.

Blueberry234 · 05/04/2016 17:02

That is an awful lot of food, have you asked if they would eat that amount of junk?

Ivegotyourgoat · 05/04/2016 17:03

Thanks it perhaps sounds uptight although pictures that is exactly it.

Maybe at 8 some children regulate their diets better? Ds doesn't seem to be able to at all.

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HelsBels3000 · 05/04/2016 17:04

I have the opposite problem, my DD1 is never offered food at DGPs house, I think they resent my 3 DCs going round and 'eating all their food'
(I mention DD1 specifically because she is underweight and DGPs know this)
My DGM was definitely a feeder and always had cakes/biscuits on offer and would be happily making bacon sandwiches at any time of day or night with the slightest bit of encouragement! My DM clearly has not inherited this trait.

Ivegotyourgoat · 05/04/2016 17:05

Blueberry I think that in their minds they think that they're just treating him. They don't realise that day we might have been for an ice cream ourselves, visited two grannies, had a visit from auntie or been to a school friends party.

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AlleyCatandRastaMouse · 05/04/2016 17:06

I agree that it is a big problem but in our case it is not just family, schools, brownies, sports events everyone is conditioned to give our children treats.

We rarely ever buy treats ourselves for our children because we know they will still get plenty. I wish treats were just that something they got extremely rarely.

Ivegotyourgoat · 05/04/2016 17:07

Yes the Beavers give them chocolate too. It's never ending.

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CottonSock · 05/04/2016 17:07

I wouldn't be happy. My dd is 3 only, but she'll eat until she's sick given a chance. Adults should respect your wishes

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2016 17:09

No with the family we see them every week so that's more difficult.

Does 'we' mean that you are with him when he's eating all this?

If so, that makes it easier. You can tell him on the way there that he's allowed one treat.

Then if you're with him, you can see he sticks to it.

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Picturesofmatchstickmen · 05/04/2016 17:10

My younger dd just eats until she's full, even if it is a sweet treat or something she loves. Ds just doesn't self regulate at all. I really wish I had stepped in sooner, even though he's overweight now family still think I'm mean, when I say don't buy full size Easter eggs for example, just one big egg and a few small ones is fine, but they say aw, poor kid, in a jokey way, but last year he got 11! Some kids will just eat and eat, they need boundaries. I think the posters saying it's no big deal provably have kids like my dd, who self regulate. Ds was normal size for years but when they suddenly start getting bigger you can't change long established eating habits overnight!

OhForTheLoveOfGin · 05/04/2016 17:12

YANBU i'd be fuming, that's a horrendous amount of junk week in week out.

I've had similar problems since weaning DD and have had to have a word with friends and family. They think I'm a health nut and I'm really not, I just work in an area where we see the consequences of this. friends will now ask before offering (mostly) and GPs now give fruit/yogurt, and small amount of chocolate at Xmas/Easter/special occasions.

Im quite firm though, so you may have to be too.

GibbousHologram · 05/04/2016 17:14

Oh I hear you! I never give my kids sweets (since Easter, from me, they've had half a mars bar each, and a quarter of a small egg) but they still seem to have endless sugary treats from elsewhere. We don't even live near family.

School is one of the worst offenders IMO.

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