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Can my BIL's STBXW demand £200 every time she has dcs?

(87 Posts)
twinsufficient Mon 04-Apr-16 23:42:12

Really messy divorce situation. SIL doesn't have the dc apart from when she feels like it which is once in a blue moon. She says she'll have them every other weekend if my BIL gives her £200. She contributes nothing financially whilst my BIL pays for everything they need including childcare while he works. This is also the woman who when she does have the dcs, sends them back without their shoes and coats which she sells. I am beyond fuming that she can make these demands. It is pushing my BIL over the edge.

EverySongbirdSays Mon 04-Apr-16 23:58:43

If she's incapable of caring for them w/o a financial incentive and is stripping them of shoes and selling them, she has no right to contact. BIL should involve SS, and have contact done exclusively at a contact centre.

If she won't see them unless she's paid to, she doesn't see them end of.

ElderlyKoreanLady Tue 05-Apr-16 00:06:19

No, of course she can't. She's technically the one who should be paying him maintenance by the sounds of it.

Does she really bring them back not wearing any shoes?!?! shock Not a chance I'd be sending them back.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Tue 05-Apr-16 00:09:39

She should be giving him money the cheeky cow.

If she's stealing the kids clothes then your BIL would be well within his rights to stop contact or at least insist on it being in a contact centre so she can't do this.

emilybrontescorset Tue 05-Apr-16 00:10:08

I wouldn't want my children going there..

GraysAnalogy Tue 05-Apr-16 00:12:13


And I think the kids are better off without her is she's seeing them as a cash cow.

He needs to save every message. Don't communicate via phone have everything on messages. It gives him evidence

Fidelia Tue 05-Apr-16 00:44:08

And he needs to get on to the CMS and get some maintenance FROM her.

Bogeyface Tue 05-Apr-16 01:35:20

Yep, contact centre is the only way to go on this.

curren Tue 05-Apr-16 06:59:15

He shouldn't let her see them unsupervised. I can't imagine he wants them to, either.

She is the one who should be paying money to him.

He needs to seek, more, legal advice. What's she is doing is abusive to all of them.

PageStillNotFound404 Tue 05-Apr-16 07:03:59

She sells their clothing? Really?? confused

CoraPirbright Tue 05-Apr-16 07:05:09

Does the messiness of the divorce include wrangling over residency/contact? If I were your BIL I would go for full custody with only supervised contact. Why does she steal the coats/shoes - are there drug issues? Sounds awful & not healthy for the children. Sorry you are going through this.

JennyOnAPlate Tue 05-Apr-16 07:10:11

She should be paying maintenance to him. Does she work?

SurroMummy13 Tue 05-Apr-16 07:17:52

She doesn't deserve those kids.

GreenishMe Tue 05-Apr-16 07:20:35

This is also the woman who when she does have the dcs, sends them back without their shoes and coats which she sells

Is she a smackhead?

Goingtobeawesome Tue 05-Apr-16 07:33:08

How many pairs of shoes has she sold?

splendide Tue 05-Apr-16 07:44:19

Are you certain about the shoes? That sounds so insane. So he picked them up and they're barefoot? I wouldn't have left without the shoes.

splendide Tue 05-Apr-16 07:48:32

Oh and yes she can demand whatever she likes, obviously he doesn't have to give her the money. It all sounds awful, poor kids.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Tue 05-Apr-16 07:52:12

As he's the resident parent (by the sounds of it) she should be paying him maintenance. I'm assuming there are drugs or similar involved if she's sellimg their shoes & coats so I'd also be contacting SS to find out if she's fit to see them & wanting supervised visits.

coconutpie Tue 05-Apr-16 07:53:50

She steals the DCs shoes and costs? No way would I be allowing unsupervised access.

BrieAndChilli Tue 05-Apr-16 07:54:11

He needs to apply for full custody now while she's not bothered about the kids as sooner or later se is going to realise that if she has the kids she can get all the child related benefits, chold maintenance etc and those poor kids will be stuck living with a mother who doesn't care for them.

frumpet Tue 05-Apr-16 07:56:49

Difficult to say with just this little snapshot of what's apparently happening , bit of background to the divorce and who lives where might help .

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 05-Apr-16 07:58:09

I have a friend with an ex nearly as awful. My friend feels he needs to keep paying out when asked because he worries that if he doesn't keep it amicable then his children suffer.

I can see why it's tipping your BIl over the edge sad

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Tue 05-Apr-16 08:00:47

Sorry but is sounds like there maybe addiction issues going on here. Who the fuck sells their children's clothes to make a fast buck and how the hell do they run up a 200 quid bill while visiting?

AppleSetsSail Tue 05-Apr-16 08:02:10

I think she sounds like an addict. Sorry for what your brother is going through. Sounds grim.

twinsufficient Tue 05-Apr-16 08:24:39

She doesn't work officially but has a lot of male visitors and admirers that give her money. This is really hard for BIL to prove. When she sent the dcs back they returned in cheap old shoes. She kept the brand new school shoes and winter coats. We saw them on a fb selling site a few days later.

I believe she takes ICE but really she's just out for every penny she can get her hands on full stop from anyone. She sends BIL abusive texts (which he's kept). She took the youngest to hospital claiming he'd broken his leg whilst in BIL's care. There was nothing wrong with him and the poor lad was subjected to a pointless night in hospital. She often sends demands through the night saying give me £75k and I'll sign the divorce papers. Btw BIL is paying the rent on her house, all the bills and giving her £400 a month for food.

He phoned SS after the hospital incident and they didn't want to know.

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