sky tv and benefits

[Moomoomango]

My situation : 2 children 1 disabled hubby. I'm his registered carer and we claim income support. Before I became dh carer and had kids I worked very hard often working more than one job, so not work shy (in fact looking for part time work as we speak) just the situation. We are very lucky to live in a lovely home with a large garden for the children. Children are fed and clothed and have plenty of toys / days out / activities (within budget anyway!)

Myself and dh don't go out at all, don't drink or smoke, very rarely buy clothes have relatively low maintenance lives but my dh loves football so has sky ( I would rather not have sky but that's another topic)

My sil who has a very well paid job and my brother is a self made millionaire. They live in a huge house and want for nothing. I'm pleased for them, they work hard and play hard.

A conversation came up which I was not involved in but in the room whereby they were discussing politics with my dad. All of a sudden I hear my name called and asked how much our sky bill was, I replied £X I think, and then sil said very loudly "yeah that's not right people on benefits should not have sky tv"

I felt like a sub human who didn't deserve any pleasure (Not that it's my pleasure but it's the principle)!

Aibu to think if you are entitled to benefits (such as disabled benefits or caring benefits) you should be able to have a small luxury here and there if you have budgeted and all bills are covered?

Essentially I could have the govt pay for carers and I go out to work full time but it would cost the govt far more than I get paid to provide that service. Then I would be entitled to a life of free choice?

[iamdivergent]

If you can afford it then I don't see any issue.

[TheWrathofNaan]

I pay £46 for line rental, largest tv package, 100 Mbps broadband and weekend free landline with virgin. I am a carer for one of my children. I don't think £1.50 ish a day is to much for entertainment when I can be stuck indoors for long periods.

Ignore your sil.

[EssentialHummus]

It's just an incredibly rude thing to say, however she feels. I'm fairly right-wing and will comment hypothetically on the morality of benefit entitlement, but commenting critically on one person's circumstances is unhelpful and hurtful.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

I have Sky and I'm on benefits, I drink alcohol too and buy new clothes.

[annandale]

Last time I looked we don't have benefits in kind in this country, cash payments are made because it is far more efficient and effective for people to have cash to make their own arrangements rather than doling out food stamps or whatever. It also gives a sliver of dignity in what is usually a shit situation (my dh has been awarded DLA and it allows us to do some things we otherwise wouldn't).

I wonder if your sister and her husband screen all their customers to check that nobody on benefits is buying their services? I mean, what if some of their cash came from someone on benefits? How terrible would that be?

[TheWeeBabySeamus1]

I'd be telling her it's none of her effing business what my family spent their income on.

Cheeky mare

[MaisieDotes]

You can spend your own money on whatever you wish.

What's wrong with your sil that she needs to make a comment like that? She sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder of some description. Why does she resent you having sky? Very petty.

[BishopBrennansArse]

Oh no this is NOT going to go well, OP.

[Owllady]

No OP you should be eating gruel and walking barefoot twenty five miles to your closest farmfoods. How bloody dare you :o so grandiose with your sky tv

[Vintage45]

Its none of her judgy business.

[lateforeverything]

Children are fed and clothed and have plenty of toys / days out / activities (within budget anyway!)

That's the main thing! Do what you want the rest

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Sometimes it's perfectly acceptable to use the line

"Fuck off you festering cunt"

This is one of those times

[EverySongbirdSays]

Oh bollocks to her she's just trying to make you feel shit.

YANBU it's up to you how you spend it. Even if you were smoking it would still be none of her business!!!

I get DLA and people often seem to feel entitled to say how they feel I should spend it and seem to have very very odd ideas about how much it is or how far it stretches!

[pigsDOfly]

If your DCs were going without food to pay for your Sky then maybe your SIL would have a point. Otherwise it none of her business what you spend your money on. She sounds judgmental and rude and a bit smug.

Perhaps someone needs to tell her to mind her own business.

[EverySongbirdSays]

Oh sock I love it!

[RJnomore1]

Yeah she's a classic case of money can't buy you class.

Ignore op. Smile and nod, or if you feel brave enough, socks has the perfect retort up there.

Miserable cow. You obviously aren't sorry enough for being "poor" to suit her. Please tell me she isn't your disabled husbands sister.

[Owllady]

Sorry I'm going to change the subject now. But do other people's families not realise what they do as a carer too? It's struck me you've had to give up work to care for her brother, which is a good, kind and loving thing to do and all she can focus on is your sky tv. It's a really skewed perspective of the whole situation
my family are crap. They refer to me as a lady of leisure even though my 16yo has the mental and physical capacity of a toddler

[Buckinbronco]

Tell her to fuck off. People seem obsessed with sky being a luxury. I just assume everyone has it.

[curren]

None of their fucking business.

My friend always complains about money. Not enough money for holidays, days out etc. Found out the other day she spends over £150 per month just on her various to packages such as sky, Netflix, amazing prime. I still didn't say anything.

[Moomoomango]

Thanks mumsnetters you are really making me feel better about the situation. She is my brothers wife and have been together for many years, we used to get on really well and still do to some extent but I feel like I need to justify my existence in her company. She has very strong conservative opinions , has buckets of self confidence, has strong views and sticks to them. My brother is much softer but can quite often get a verbal battering from her. She's the sort of person people listen to and lap up her views. But mumsnet saves the day again, I no longer feel like I don't have a right to happiness !

[bloodyteenagers]

Some people are complete dicks.
I remember a phone call between my mate and council tax.
He had split with his ex who had taken control of finances. It was only after they split did he find out she had fucked over a lot of companies. One was council tax.
After the split he had to reduce hours and became entitled to benefits.
So on phone to council tax going through expenses/income that he'd sent in.
And omg the venom from the person because he had sky and mobile contract. It was horrific.
The person either couldnt or wouldn't comprehend the circumstances. Or that these were both still in contract and taken 6 months previously. To cancel wouldn't make a difference.

Then of course job centre is now online. So there is the expectation to have access. Once you have weighed up the
Cost of daily internet cost compared
To having phone and Bb at home it's
A no brainier. It's not your fault tv gets chucked in with some providers and works out cheaper that way. Never mind needing a phone for interviews.

Although there are people out there who are that sense and will still say yes but Internet cafe should be all the person is entitled to and phone box. Why the fuck do people need bb and a phone.

[bloodyteenagers]

Dense not sense lol.
Bloody hate being auto corrected.

[PageStillNotFound404]

I absolutely loathe, detest and despise the mentality that thinks people on benefits should just subsist on the bare minimum to prevent actual poverty and woe betide them if they spend a single pound on something perceived as a non-essential.

I'm only surprised she didn't tell you it was her taxes paying for your Sky, OP. Ignorant judgemental cuntwaffle that she is.

[unlimiteddilutingjuice]

If someone is disabled and limited in their leisure activities then T.V becomes more important. What might be a luxury to another family could be one of the few pleasures your DH has. Its completely legitimate that he has it.
Quite apart from that: Studies have shown that most people on low incomes have one or two things that could be considered "luxuries". Even people who lack 1 or more essential items will generally also be spending on something non essential. Its very normal and doesnt mean anything except that people arent robots that live according to some ridiculous pre scripted life devoid of colour and interest.
You know what your family wants and needs and what other things you have sacrificed to provide them. You owe these ignorant people nothing at all. Least of all an explanation.

[Twowrongsdontmakearight]

Horses for courses. You choose sky over other things. That's up to you. When I worked in a school I DID judge parents who sent their DC in stinking of cigarettes, with sky in each bedroom but falling apart, too small shoes or even wellies everyday even in high summer and no pumps for PE.