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Are introverted people are quite judgey?

(213 Posts)
KateInKorea Mon 04-Apr-16 03:52:16

When introverted people talk about their introversion it seems that they spend a lot of time "worrying" about what they say. Except it comes across as "finding ways to construe things in a negative light".

Obviously on threads they talk about how what they say might be seen badly, but I think it is rational to assume that they apply the same standard to everyone.

Obviously, this is compounded by knowing a couple of introverted people well enough to know that actually they are extremely judgemental and do "cringe" for people months and years later over the most innocuous sentences/incidents.

MadamDeathstare Mon 04-Apr-16 03:58:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blueredballoon Mon 04-Apr-16 03:59:22


Glastokitty Mon 04-Apr-16 04:00:57

No, it has nothing whatsoever to do with judginess.

KateInKorea Mon 04-Apr-16 04:05:34

But isn't that what judging means? Deciding that something is good/bad or conveys more/less worth as a person?

Surely "Saying this means a person should feel embarrassed" I'd the same as "I judge this person by their words to have lower worth"? Or do you see this differently

KateInKorea Mon 04-Apr-16 04:06:05

Sorry "is the same as" not "I'd the same as"

treaclesoda Mon 04-Apr-16 04:06:13

I don't really follow your logic. I don't think the things you are talking about are traits of introversion. It doesn't have anything to do with worrying about what you say.

iPaid Mon 04-Apr-16 04:06:16

Are extroverts judgey?

TippyTappyLappyToppy Mon 04-Apr-16 04:07:11

I am intorverted and I have a tendency to be quite judgey but I only speak for myself, not all introverts. We aren't all the same person.

MattDillonsPants Mon 04-Apr-16 04:07:55

I am introverted and I am quite judgey if I'm going to be perfectly honest. I work at it though....I'm not nearly as bad as I was. When I was younger, I had a terrible complex where I genuinely thought I was better than the rest of my class at school...or better than the general community. I have improved so much that I care much less about what others think of me and as a result, I've become more outgoing I think.

I don't know why I was so judgey....I grew up with a family who did judge others but usually hidden behind comical sayings or joking.

KateInKorea Mon 04-Apr-16 04:13:22

Some extroverts are very judgey. I know a few of them too.

KateInKorea Mon 04-Apr-16 04:19:36

I'm listening treaclesoda, and I hope we don't talk at cross purposes. So let me try to explain a bit better.

I think MN has more introverts than real life so you get a more insightful view to common ways of thinking/shared views. A fairly common theme is "I am introverted, I hate small talk, it's so boring. I worry that I will talk rubbish/be offensive/bore other people". My question is do introverted people actually judge other people to be offensive/boring/talking rubbish at the same standard as they seem to apply to themselves?

treaclesoda Mon 04-Apr-16 04:27:22

Ah, OK, that makes more sense now.

Hmm, I'm quite introverted and don't much like starting small talk. But if someone else strikes up a conversation I'm happy to participate.

Does that answer the question at all?

Janecc Mon 04-Apr-16 04:28:01

I am an introvert although one with a bubbly personality. I also used to be pretty judgemental as a learnt behaviour from my mother, who judges everyone and everything. Still am to a certain degree and less and less each day as I extricate myself from her clutches.
So for me, it's a nature/nurture question. I believe introversion is nature and judgemental personality is nurture. It is true introverted people tend to be harsh on themselves in relation to everyone else, not the other way round. So who judges everyone around them? A narcissist. A narcissist judges themselves harshly. Then in order to flatter their ego and redress the balance, they judge and berate those around them. They rank themselves as better than X and not as good as y. Some introverts are narcissists. Some extroverts are narcissists. Definitely nurture for me.

herecomethepotatoes Mon 04-Apr-16 04:28:01

"I am introverted, I hate small talk, it's so boring. I worry that I will talk rubbish/be offensive/bore other people"

That sounds to me like introverted people are holding themselves to a higher standard.

FWIW, I'm quite an extrovert and also extremely judgemental; of both myself and others. Is analytical the same as judgemental, in this instance? I spend a lot of time analysing (over-analysing?) conversations and what were probably off-hand comments.

herecomethepotatoes Mon 04-Apr-16 04:31:36

A narcissist. A narcissist judges themselves harshly. Then in order to flatter their ego and redress the balance, they judge and berate those around them. They rank themselves as better than X and not as good as y.

Not according to anything I understand nor have read / can find.

Narcissism is extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration. I don't think there's the "as good as x...but not as y" aspect. I think you've confused it with low self-esteem or general bitchiness.

KateInKorea Mon 04-Apr-16 04:32:19

Is analytical the same as judgemental? I don't know I'd have to think about that. Judgey people can be viscerally rather then analytically judgey too.

PetrolBastard Mon 04-Apr-16 05:23:18

Interesting theory.

I suppose you feel more free to think judgemental thoughts if you don't share them with anyone. And if you are never challenged on them because you never share them.

MattDillonsPants Mon 04-Apr-16 05:32:51

Kate you wondered about introverts judging people as being boring etc...well yes...I'm afraid I do.

I have it a lot...a general feeling of dissatisfaction with other people. Not everyone by any means...and I do have friends...some lovely ones. But I do find that many people I meet are boring...they have little to say which interests me and I DO listen and try to stay open minded.

AvonleaAnne Mon 04-Apr-16 05:36:55

Your post seems to be a little bit judgey, are you an introvert? grin

I'm an introvert, I come across as aloof (I would love to change this) but I'm pretty sure I am not judgey. I'm much too busy worrying about my own social skills to analyse other people's behaviour.

MoggieMaeEverso Mon 04-Apr-16 05:38:07

I'm introverted. I also used to be quite insecure, so yes I would worry about what I said etc (but always holding myself to higher standards to others).

I'm no longer as insecure. I'm still introverted. I enjoy small talk and couldn't care less what people think of me if I say something silly or am misunderstood.

However, I'm still introverted, and I get cranky if I don't have enough time alone to recharge my batteries.

I think perhaps you are confusing introversion with shyness, insecurity, anxiety or social awkwardness.

MattDillonsPants Mon 04-Apr-16 05:39:08

Anne as one introvert to another, do you never just get bored with people? I think a part of mine is because I don't want to socialise much with people who I don't already know to be fun or interesting.

So maybe I"m not introverted. Maybe I"m just a snob. sad

But I do worry about saying and doing the wrong things too.

ChaChaChaCh4nges Mon 04-Apr-16 06:01:48

I don't think you're talking about introverts, actually. I think you're talking about shy people.

Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness.

I am an introvert. After time in company - even family and friends that I love and like very much - I desperately need time alone to recharge my batteries.

However, I am also social and outgoing and bubbly. And non-judgemental!

Janecc Mon 04-Apr-16 06:19:29

Herecomesthepotatoes. I get where you are coming from. However, am not confusing narcissism with bitchiness. I think perhaps I didn't explain myself as well as I could. My mother and brother are narcissists and I believe my mother has narcissistic personality disorder. I've read very widely on this topic. Yes, people with a narcissistic personality have a grandiose opinion of their talents and crave admiration. It is a coping mechanism learnt very young to hide their low self esteem/worth from themselves (and others), they then project all their unwanted character flaws on some poor victim (scapegoat) and bathe in their fabricated glory. I'll give you an example of what I meant. My mother has a grandiose view of herself believing herself to be better than most people and me in every way because she is my elder and better yet she can suffer people in authority, such as doctors, being better than her. That's what I meant by "better than X, not as good as y". She has a ranking system for everyone. Yes she is also a bitch.
According to a US study in 2008, 6.2% of the population was classified as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (therefore it would be fair to assume those with narcissistic tendencies were excluded from this stat). In 2011, it was suggested that 30% of young people are narcissists. There are a lot of narcissists out there.
I maintain what I said with my 4am brain. Narcissist.

TheStoic Mon 04-Apr-16 06:37:38

Introversion is not the same as social awkwardness.

I'm an introvert and do not particularly worry much about how what I say/do will be construed - I am confident I can speak/behave appropriately.

Perhaps extroverts assume introverts are judging because introverts often keep their thoughts to themselves. Perhaps it's actually projection.

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