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To find motherhood quite lonely sometimes

(7 Posts)
Justmeagain78 Sun 03-Apr-16 23:56:50

I'm an introvert and crap at making chit chat - in the old days I only really had to do it once a year at the works Christmas do - now it feels like a full time occupation. It started with baby groups and now it's constant children's parties and play dates.

I have no idea what to say to other parents although I keep having to pretend I do whilst thinking I'm going to manage to come out with something completely offensive at some stage of the conversation. I just feel I have to do it for my daughter - I've crammed her Easter holidays with play dates, I'm not even sure if she always enjoys just to try and give her a social life and help her but instead of feeling pleased with myself I just feel tired. I find myself yearning for a true friend who can make me really laugh. Does anyone else feel like they are using so much energy trying to create friendships for their child but still feeling lonely themselves?

MattDillonsPants Mon 04-Apr-16 00:00:53

How old is DD? I'm like you...I struggled socially as arranging playdates and chatting with strangers at groups is SO far from my comfort zone.

After a bit I just stopped.It does get better when they get older and choose their own mates though....then parents stop doing that desperate social dance.x

MunchieCrunchie Mon 04-Apr-16 00:02:23

Yanbu. It is very lonely a lot of the time. It is rewarding, but tough.

Italiangreyhound Mon 04-Apr-16 00:09:07

We have three kinds of friends in our house, kids' friends, my friends and family friends. Family friends are where the kids like the kids and I like a parent - usually but not always the mum. Sometimes even DH likes the dad too.

Keep trying, maybe dig deeper to find hobbies or interests and one of these casual friends may turn into a real friend.

Things that IMHO move a friendship on seem to be:
Them helping me when I am in need
Me helping them when they are on need
Celebrating a birthday together/night out/spa
Finding that as children get older their needs/issues do get more complex, IMHO and a friend whose dd is the same age is a great sounding board for - Is this normal/Is this Ok etc.

Good luck

Italiangreyhound Mon 04-Apr-16 00:11:47

Or son on the case of my son... Eh different ages and stages, people with kids at that stage can be a real help. It does take time. Don' lose your old friends. Make sure your do/Dh looks after your child or a trusted sitter so you can see friends sometimes without kids.

Good luck smile

GrumpyMcGrumpyFace Mon 04-Apr-16 00:16:59

It does get better as they get older. You can just drop them off at parties and playdates. I do think it's worth making the effort at this stage. There must be one parent that you feel a bit of infinity for? If so just keep going with the days out/playdates. Eventually they will become a friend. That's how it worked for me.

Alasalas2 Mon 04-Apr-16 02:53:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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