..and were things ever the same?
This situation concerns the break up of my family which was the single most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me (and we’ve had to contend with some major shit). Even 12 years on, it feels gut wrenchingly painful, the kind of pain that makes us shed those heavy, uncontrollable tears that require no effort to produce.
It concerns my mums only sister (theyre in their early fifties) and were extremely close. We were an enormously close family (maybe too close perhaps, if there is such a thing). Mine and my aunts cousins childhoods were completely entwined because we all grew up together. A blissful, wonderful childhood. We lived mere moments from each other for years until an argument between my mum and her sister happened which escalated enormously and very quickly. I have to say (and I am being totally truthful here), it wasn’t my mums fault. My aunt adored my mum and perhaps depended on her a little more than was the case vice versa and im sure she expected my mum to stop the argument. She was always very stubborn and defensive and this is what I believe caused the situation to reach the stage it did. The bottom line is that my aunts daughter (now early thirties) was the catalyst for this. She was notoriously difficult, jealous and nasty and always was. Nothing enormous, but stuff that causes problems. I cant reveal too much because it is too identifying. Nothing which broke the law, but stuff that you just wouldn’t do to your family. Up until now, she has been the only reason that we haven’t reached out to offer an olive branch because we would prefer to not have her in our lives.
The argument came to a head when we sold our houses and both moved away. We haven’t spoken since. I was shopping with my Mum a few years ago and saw a lady staring at us. I realised quickly it was my aunt. She was looking straight at my mum and it was the saddest thing ive ever seen. I’ll never forget the expression on her face as long as I live.
Fast forward 12 years and my mum and I still miss her desperately and I am so sad that my mum is missing out on her sister. We are seriously considering sending her a note to tell her that she is missed and loved.
Has anyone ever been in this situation? What happened? This post makes it seem so simple. It was a truly horrible break up. Some awful things were said and done by my aunt when my mum retained a dignified silence and never rose to her lashing out. We recognise that my mum totally blanking her retaliations probably made it seem like she was able to cleanly cut her out. We had a serious heart to heart recently and both admitted that we would be willing to forget everything and move on if she wanted to. My grandparents are aging and also haven’t seen her since all this happened (my aunt felt that they took Mums side and hasn’t spoken to them since). We know that my aunt must have suffered and actually heard recently that shortly after we sold our houses, she had a nervous breakdown and was apparently extremely unwell. This came as a shock because she had never previously suffered MH issues. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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AIBU to ask for your experiences of reconciling with family after a major rift?
11 replies
Islifetooshortforthis · 03/04/2016 20:32
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