AIBU teenage drinking

(49 Posts)
madein1995 Sat 02-Apr-16 21:52:24

I was over a family members house today and my cousin was boasting that she allows her 14 yo dd to drink when out with friends - she gave her a flagon (2 litres) of cider, a bottle of wine and 4 shots last night and was telling us how her dd came home sick/unable to walk etc and how she finds it really hilarious that she is hungover today.

AIBU to judge my cousin? I drank at 14, but it was one or two in the house with my parents or me and my friends clubbed together and split a bottle of cider, there's something about handing over that much drink and allowing a child to take it out that doesn't sit right with me, I think she's making it acceptable for her dd to drink that much. I worried for what could have happened to the dd too - anything could have happened, she could have collapsed (I would if I'd drank that much at that age!), been attacked/mugged, anything. It makes me think as well - if the girl is drinking that much on the streets at 14 what will she be doing when she's 17 or 18?

I don't know if I'm BU either, because at 14 having parents like my cousin would have been heaven for me, and I think maybe I'm looking at this too strictly, because most of my family seem fine with it and agree that it's hilarious (my own parents don't btw) so perhaps I'm just being uptight.

VimFuego101 Sat 02-Apr-16 21:55:19

YANBU. I would allow similar to you - a beer or cider with a meal. She's putting her daughter at risk by allowing her to get so incapacitated.

Birthgeek Sat 02-Apr-16 21:58:46

YANBU. That's obscene.

Aside from all the risks you mention, if the child was found with it, or was out drinking it in public, the mother could be prosecuted.

The mother needs to get a fucking life if she thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

OddSocksHighHeels Sat 02-Apr-16 22:00:16

You aren't uptight or strict, that's really inappropriate. I take it your cousin won't take on board anything you say?

madein1995 Sat 02-Apr-16 22:08:20

I'd love to say something, but my cousin can be very opinionated (read gobby) and anything bad said about her parenting causes a massive kick off. I've advised the dd to drink water in between alcoholic drinks etc so she;s there if her friends need looking after (we had a little chat just us two) but I don't want to badmouth her mother to her and I don't know if she'll listen to me anyway, after all if her mum says it's safe it's safe (in her mind, I know that as a teen I generally believed my mother safety wise). My cousin won't listen to anything I say - her MIL suggested that letting her dd drink wasn't a good idea, a few weeks ago, and cousin threatened to stop the kids going over there - since then her MIL and FIL have kept quiet. I'm really surprised about the dd's dad allowing it - when I was a stupid 16 year old and was out drinking he came and found me and took me home so I'm shocked that he allows it, I'm not sure if he knows though because he goes away with work a fair bit. I think if I said anything to my cousin it would cause a huge argument and I don't really want to get involved but I was so shocked.

sepa Sat 02-Apr-16 22:11:59

What the hell. I drank at 14 but no way would my mum give me the alcohol to do it. She would have kicked my ass had she of found out!!
Kids will drink/smoke/take drugs (not all I have to add) but why as a parent would you aid your child to do that?

LaurieFairyCake Sat 02-Apr-16 22:13:47

It's abuse. I would call nspcc who will contact social services.

EllenJanethickerknickers Sat 02-Apr-16 22:14:32

At 14 that much alcohol is obscene. I am no prude and I let my 15yo DS drink cider or lager with me occasionally or maybe take a few cans to a party to share. At 18 now, he still just drinks a few cans of cider at a party. A 14yo drinking that much in one go and unsupervised makes her very vulnerable depending on who she is with, to abuse or alcohol poisoning.

Birthgeek Sat 02-Apr-16 22:18:02

What would happen if someone called the NSPCC or SS anonymously for some advice on what support might be available for this family, I wonder?

I see your cousin putting her DD at risk like this as at least on par with other safeguarding issues. Certainly more than neglect.

FuzzyOwl Sat 02-Apr-16 22:18:21

YANBU. My mum would be horrified if I drank that now and I am nearly 40!

Birthgeek Sat 02-Apr-16 22:20:40

Even non-anonymously and going on the record. This is totally unacceptable and your young relative is in a very, very vulnerable position.

Lifeisontheup2 Sat 02-Apr-16 22:21:25

It's enormously inappropriate, I allowed my 14 year old a beer or a very small glass of wine with Sunday Lunch or a special meal, tbh they never liked wine and would often leave half the beer.

I often get called out to young teenagers who have drunk far too much and we have to complete a vulnerable child form to pass on to SS. I would be judging massively if I was faced with your cousins attitude and documenting it on the form.

Twowrongsdontmakearight Sat 02-Apr-16 22:24:00

Good grief that is a lot for an adult let alone a child. And it can do lasting damage at that age. Possibly contact NSPCC or similar as others have said. It wouldn't necessarily incriminate you as her friends parents might be shocked too.

hotandbothered24 Sat 02-Apr-16 22:25:28

Yanbu, her mum is being completely irresponsible and putting her daughter at a lot of risk. I think this is abusive parenting. My son has had huge problems with alcohol and I would have given anything to stop him drinking so have a lot of first hand experience

madein1995 Sat 02-Apr-16 22:42:23

Is there a way to report it to the NSPCC but make absolutely sure my name is kept out of it? Most of my family don't see anything wrong with the whole thing, and I don't want to fall out with them. At the same time I don't think it's right that the dd is being given that much alcohol, my cousin did say the dd hadn't drank it all (thank god) but the fact remains that she could have. Apparently they went to someone's house but I don't believe any good parent would sit there and let a teenager drink that much in their home. I would like to see something being done, even if it just puts the wind up cousin and stops it continuing, but I need to be sure my name is not mentioned.

Birthgeek Sat 02-Apr-16 22:45:28

Looks like it: www.nspcc.org.uk/what-you-can-do/report-abuse/

lamusic Sat 02-Apr-16 22:47:31

16/17 maybe id allow to drink but at the moment it's sips here and there & alcohol free cider

Namechangeofshame193 Sat 02-Apr-16 22:51:57

I'm not sure it's that unusual unfortunately. One of my DDs friends mum takes orders and buys it for quite a few of them, I was not impressed. DD drinks I know it but I won't buy it, she asked me a few times and I said I'd be willing to buy a couple of alcopops apparently that's "sad" and she refused, she wanted a bottle of vodka shock.

Vintage45 Sat 02-Apr-16 22:53:55

YABU in most of the things you've said but reporting her to the NSPCC is a bit strong!

Birthgeek Sat 02-Apr-16 23:00:15

Not really Vintage. It's appalling parenting and as a pp in the know said, potentially grounds for notifying SS of a vulnerable child. NSPCC will be able to advise OP best.

madein1995 Sat 02-Apr-16 23:01:17

I'm not sure if I will report it to the NSPCC, I'll need to really think about it and also see if this kind of thing happens again, I don't know what to do for the best atm

Vintage45 Sat 02-Apr-16 23:01:35

How over the top. The girl is 14 not 6. It's not the best of parenting but could you image the heartache you would cause this girl.

Ledkr Sat 02-Apr-16 23:01:36

If my 14 yr old was given alcohol by a mate who's mum had given it to her, that mother would be incurring my wrath, gob or no gob, what an irresponsible twat of a woman she is

mamabluestar Sat 02-Apr-16 23:01:40

YANBU cousins Dd could be potentially in massive danger by her behaviour, considering how much alcohol she is being allowed to drink.

You could report this to Social Services directly or through the NSPCC and ask to be kept anonymous. There is a risk that you may be identified by the information you provide, but it sounds like your cousin isn't particular about who she is sharing this information with. In our Local Authority anything that is reported to Social Services but doesn't get allocated to a Social worker will be offered 'Early Help' to try and prevent the need for Social Services becoming involved.

Vintage45 Sat 02-Apr-16 23:02:56

Apologies, meant to say YANBU by the way.

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