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To give a wedding present based on what they gave us for our wedding?

(41 Posts)
MinecraftyMum Sat 02-Apr-16 16:07:32

That sounds awful, but is it in a nutshell.

We have three weddings this year, and all three couples came to our wedding two years ago. We got mainly cash gifts at ours but the amounts varied wildly from £15 to £150 - for the same sort of 'level' of friendship/relationship iyswim.

I know that we got cash from all three couples but I couldn't remember the amounts - so I had a look at the list we made when we were opening our cards and stuff (for memory/thank you card purposes). One couple gave us £30, another £50 and the other £100.

I've said to dh that we'll have to give the same sort of amount for them. He was horrified, said that's really crass and we should just give fifty quid each.

I don't mind giving £50 to the friends that gave us £30 (i'm not that tight!) but I feel really uncomfortable giving £50 to the friend that gave us £100. I think we should give them either £100 (or equivalent in Euros for their honeymoon) or give them £50 plus a nice £50ish gift.


Whocansay Sat 02-Apr-16 16:09:20

Do they have a gift list at all or are they definitely asking for cash?

Floggingmolly Sat 02-Apr-16 16:10:23

I agree, you can't give them half the amount they gave you. And that is precisely the problem with giving cash gifts...

HerRoyalNotness Sat 02-Apr-16 16:12:55

You give what you can afford and what you are happy with. It shouldn't be based on what they have you

SleepyBoBo Sat 02-Apr-16 16:13:42

I would give £50 to A and B, and give £100 to C if you can afford it (or as you suggested, £50 and something else). If you'e on a budget then £50 each is more than enough - though quite frankly giving each other the same amount of money for respective weddings is a bit redundant anyway, it's just passing it around really!

MinecraftyMum Sat 02-Apr-16 16:15:37

We've had two invites so far, one with a cash request and the other with no request at all (same as we did). The third wedding isn't until October but is a definite invite - no idea what they'll ask for though.

incandescentalright Sat 02-Apr-16 16:15:59

I agree it's hard to give half the amount. I also agree that it's tacky to give different amounts. I'd not give cash in this situation.

MinecraftyMum Sat 02-Apr-16 16:20:05

It does seem tacky to give them different amounts but the good thing is that it's not 'nice' to discuss money so the chances of them finding out X got more than Y is minimal.

I agree Sleepy it does seem a bit redundant...kind of like the couples have given us a loan for a couple of years that we're giving back hmm

huskylover Sat 02-Apr-16 16:20:08

I would definitely give them the same amount that they gave you. Nothing else makes sense to me.

fruitlovingmonkey Sat 02-Apr-16 16:24:21

I don't generally do cash gifts but do try to roughly match the value of gifts people gave us. I would be really embarrassed if someone gave me a £100 gift when I'd given them a £30 gift, unless circumstances had changed significantly between the two weddings.

AppleSetsSail Sat 02-Apr-16 16:25:02

I'm not crazy about cash for 'peers' - I think it's the preserve of elders.

That said, I think euros is a great way of sidestepping this issue, it's almost like a voucher. Can you give each 100 EUR?

AppleSetsSail Sat 02-Apr-16 16:26:27

I would be really embarrassed if someone gave me a £100 gift when I'd given them a £30 gift, unless circumstances had changed significantly between the two weddings.

2 years in your 20s or 30s can see fairly dramatic turns in circumstances and I doubt they remember anyway.

TinkerbellaPan Sat 02-Apr-16 16:27:28

Give them what they gave you.

It'll only cost you a tenner more to do so and you won't feel guilty about the people who gave you £100.

MinecraftyMum Sat 02-Apr-16 16:30:24

I don't particularly like giving cash but I like vouchers even less (memories of walking round Next - which i'm not a great fan of- desperately hunting for stuff to spend our wedding vouchers on!). And I don't want to buy a gift for anyone that specifically requests cash...nor do I want to get someone one of the 12 photo frames we got! Gifts are tricky.

I do like giving currency because it just seems...nicer...than cash. We went to a relatives wedding a few years back and they were going to Egypt so we gave them Egyptian Pounds. I think the exchange was about 1/11 at the time...they got about 550 EP, they had a big wad of cash lol.

MatildaTheCat Sat 02-Apr-16 16:32:02

Makes me long for the days when you bought someone a nice set of towels. However, I agree, you need to 'match' the couple who gave you the most.

All seems very grubby unfortunately. sad

WastingTime123 Sat 02-Apr-16 16:34:21

I think your suggestion is right, £50 for the first two and £100 for the other.

GinAndColonic Sat 02-Apr-16 16:40:05

Could you give them all £50 + gift and increase the amounts of each gift?

Lilmisskittykat Sat 02-Apr-16 16:43:29

I'd say match it .. That's fair though we got 5 worth of scratch cards as a wedding present and I couldn't bring myself to just put a fiver in the card as much as I would have wanted to (put 25 voucher in instead)

Pippa12 Sat 02-Apr-16 19:06:03

I honestly couldn't remember what my closest friends gifted us in vouchers (at our request) as it was 6 years ago. I have since given two of them £50 and the last one to get married on May will also get £50. Give what you can afford and no more. You don't give to receive.

BennyTheBall Sat 02-Apr-16 19:10:03

We give £100 as a wedding gift. If we couldn't afford it, we would give less.

I wouldn't base the gift on what we had received from them - that's not what giving a gift is about.

Toohardtofindaproperusername Sat 02-Apr-16 20:25:31

Like pippa and benny - we all have different and changing circumstances. Give what you want to and can afford to - I couldnt care less if people give me a penny or a hundred of them, or none of them. matching what they gave you seems to miss the point somehow. Unless your circle is different to mine, I don't think people compare notes from the past -and do a price comparison with previous present giving -- do they?

USERNAME213 Sat 02-Apr-16 23:41:02

In my culture people only give cash as wedding gifts and it is amusing because the money just goes round in circles. So for example my parents will give their friend's daughter £50 on her wedding day and therefore they gave £50 to me on mine. I just find it amusing!

Vintage45 Sat 02-Apr-16 23:43:30

Depends what you can afford at the time surely?

If you can afford to match then do.

gingerboy1912 Sat 02-Apr-16 23:44:39

Give them what they gave you or give two of them £50 and the other couple £100 but definitely don't short change the couple that gave you £100 for your wedding. They will remember that.

Trills Sat 02-Apr-16 23:57:40

I gave friends currency for the country they were going to on honeymoon a while ago.

They very nearly didn't open their cards before going away!

They only did it because another friend had done the same thing and helpfully thought to tell them so they would open that card for the cash.

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