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To never lend SIL money again

(158 Posts)
TrixieBlue2016 Sat 02-Apr-16 12:56:20

First thing yesterday morning DH got a call from SIL saying she had lost her purse when out the night/3am before and could he lend her some money to tide her over until she gets new bank cards. She needed £250 (food, new shoes for her DS and petrol). DH agrees and goes to the ATM and dropped it round.

SIL has recently been in trouble at work and thought she might lose she job. SIL texted DH and me to say she was really upset so couldn't talk but was fired and won't get any notice so won't get paid. SIL asked DH for money to cover her rent and bills until she gets benefits. DH again agrees.

We are friends on Facebook. SIL was posting photos of going out for lunch and then dinner with her friends. It was clear they were drinking as the post after dinner were a bit off. Fair enough being fired is shit.

Looking at Facebook this morning DH saw her posted that including slagging off DH as gullible. DH called she and SIL told him that she hadn't lost her cards and wasn't made redundant. DH asked for all the money back. SIL has spent it on going out and new clothes for her (and not anything for her DS). All the clothes were in their bags unworn and tagged so DH took all the bags when he left. SIL was angry he did this.

Luckily the bags had the receipts and the stuff was paid in cash. So DH intends to take everything back.

SIL is now texting me saying it was an April fool and a joke and has told MIL that DH came to her house a took her things (not anything about the money).

I have suggested we no longer lend her money ever again. SIL has borrowed and paid back money a number of times before. She was terrible credit so wont be able to get a loan or credit card and doesnt budget properly. AWBU to say to tell never again to lending money.

BillSykesDog Sat 02-Apr-16 12:58:21

Suggested you never lend her money again? YADDDDDDDNBU. Run for the hills!

mummyto2monkeys Sat 02-Apr-16 13:02:55

Yanbu your SIL completely manipulated and conned her own brother, she took advantage of his good nature and then ridiculed him on social media. If she were my sister I would cut her out of my life completely. Life is too short to tolerate narcissistic sociopathic sisters.

CoraPirbright Sat 02-Apr-16 13:04:15

shock She sounds like a nightmare!! Ya so nbu!!

YakTriangle Sat 02-Apr-16 13:04:20

Bloody hell shock
YANBU. Sod her and her hilarious jokes.

BombadierFritz Sat 02-Apr-16 13:05:01

How weird
Easy solutiin. Just tell everyone exactly what happened then only speak to her again absolutely when necessary and dont lend her anything again

BabyGanoush Sat 02-Apr-16 13:06:38

What a nut

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 02-Apr-16 13:08:10

She's a nasty, immature idiot.

Apart from never lending her money, I'd be struggling to ever want to speak to her again after this.

SerenityReynolds Sat 02-Apr-16 13:10:47

She sounds really unpleasant. Unless she paid every penny of the money back and apologised unreservedly, she'd be lucky if I ever spoke to her again, let alone lent her more money.

thecatfromjapan Sat 02-Apr-16 13:11:25

That is seriously strange. Really, really odd. In fact, it is all so odd, that the actual borrowing money bit is almost the least odd thing about it.

Is she always like this? Poor you.

Lweji Sat 02-Apr-16 13:12:27

As it was a 1st April joke she had the money and has paid it already to get her stuff back, right? No? Oh, well.

Definitely don't lend her money again. She lied and she mocked him on top of it.

BillSykesDog Sat 02-Apr-16 13:13:04

I hate things like that. Because people who have the goodness and decency to help people out of a tight spot get put off doing it by things like that and the next time someone really needs help they won't. SIL may well be that person, stupid woman.

thecatfromjapan Sat 02-Apr-16 13:19:34

Actually, OP, she sounds like Queenie in the Elizabethan series of 'Blackadder'.

Fluffycloudland77 Sat 02-Apr-16 13:26:38

What on earth were you doing lending such big amounts anyway?.

Do you both have "wipe feet here" on your foreheads?. Stop being so bloody nice & understanding.

Woman up or you've got years of this ahead of you. YEARS.

notamummy10 Sat 02-Apr-16 13:30:16

I've never come across an April Fools joke that involves lending someone money... How is that hilarious? I'm assuming it's because she's been caught and needed to come up with a pitiful excuse.

Even if she does go through redundancy and needs her rent paying, money for petrol, her children's clothing and she comes back asking if you can lend her money, don't agree to it otherwise she'd start playing your husband as a puppet!

Roussette Sat 02-Apr-16 13:33:54

Why do you even need to ask if yabu??

Your SIL says your DH is gullible, do you think she might be right?! SIL is obviously no saint and I would've thought it's obvious that she makes up stuff or takes people for a ride.

MassiveStrumpet Sat 02-Apr-16 13:42:18

You would not be unreasonable to cut her out of your lives completely.

TrixieBlue2016 Sat 02-Apr-16 13:49:04

DH has always been expected to take care of his DM and DSis. His father left them when DH was a teenager and DSis was a toddler. There is an age gap between them.

DH and I are fortunate that we can afford to lend DIL and MIL money. So this time it was £800. Usually she pays it back albeit in installments.

I have no relationship with any of my family and grow up in an abusive and neglectful home so I have no experience of proper families apart from DH and DSS. I would never have lend either of them money to begin with. I would also have gone NC years ago.

MIL has been on the phone. DH explained what happened and MIL still thinks DH is being unreasonable as it was a joke.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 02-Apr-16 13:49:09

That's not a joke that's obtaining things by deception

VimFuego101 Sat 02-Apr-16 13:50:27

YANBU at all.

Notmydolly Sat 02-Apr-16 13:57:22

OMG!!!! I thought the point of April Fools was it should be funny!!! hmm

YANBU but we ALL know that.

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 02-Apr-16 14:02:14

YANBU. Not only would I never lend money to SIL again, but MIL's coat would be on a shaky peg for thinking your DH is unreasonable.

"DH has always been expected to take care of his DM and DSis. His father left them when DH was a teenager and DSis was a toddler."
That is a very unhealthy family dynamic. A teenager being expected to take responsibility for his ADULT mother? No, no, no, not right at all.

GabiSolis Sat 02-Apr-16 14:03:51

How old is SIL? It sounds like teenage shit but I see she has a DS....

I definitely wouldn't lend her money again and I would be wary of lending to MIL in case she borrows on SIL's behalf.

BitOutOfPractice Sat 02-Apr-16 14:03:53

A joke? Bloody hell! That's appalling behaviour! YANBU

thecatfromjapan Sat 02-Apr-16 14:09:45

Oh dear. I think you have a tricky in-law family.

On the plus side, I'm hoping your dh is rather sweet, with a strong sense of responsibility. So that's nice.

On the minus side, I think the pair of you are going to have to develop some stronger boundaries.

Good luck. smile

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