to ask for your help again?

[Twinklestar2]

I've asked for help before on here about the fractious relationship I have with my sister. Everyone told me to step back and grow up etc.

She had a baby last week, I congratulated her and went to visit the baby in hospital. It's the first time we had spoken since mid January.

I felt better afterwards, but a week later I'm still angry and upset. and back to thinking about it constantly.

How do I let go? Please be gentle, I have been upset and I'm seriously considering counselling.

[QuiteLikely5]

How do you let what go? Can you give more details?

[Twinklestar2]

How do I let go feeling angry about a situation which is never going to get resolved.

[QuiteLikely5]

What situation, can you give more details then perhaps we can help you? Everyone in this morning won't have seen your other thread

[LittleBearPad]

Eh. You're going to need to provide more details but in the absence of them just consciously decide every time you find yourself thinking about it to think about something else. With practice it will become easier.

[Twinklestar2]

In a nutshell my family upset me back in January and I and told them all via whatsapp. I said that I didn't want to do it over text but didn't know how else to tell them all. I then told them to phone me to speak about it. She replied 'I am not interested so don't expect a phone call from me'.

She then didn't speak to me (nor me her) till I congratulated her on the baby being born.

We have history. She once didn't speak to me for 6 months because I confronted her over her awful behaviour at my wedding.

She's the eldest, is rude, prides herself in being a bitch (her words - it's how she introduced herself to my husband) and thinks no-one is allowed to pull her up on anything she says or does. My mother backs her up all the way cause she's scared she won't see her grandchildren and my other brothers and sisters just fall into line cause they don't want to feel the wrath of my sister's tongue it upset my mum.

So I feel like I always have to be the bigger person and smooth things over for the sake of not disrupting the family but inside I'm seething.

[imeatingthechocolate]

short visits and don't dwell

will become easier with practice

[Twinklestar2]

*or upset my mum.

[MrsS1990]

Some people just don't get on. If you really don't like her, don't force it .

[witsender]

The whole messaging, then saying you won't talk about it on message, 'telling' them to phone you etc sounds very drama seeking.

You clearly don't get on, and you don't have to. It is sad when you don't get on with family, but I would move on. She doesn't bring anything to your life.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Spend your time with positive people outside of your family.

[Misswrite89]

What did your family do that upset you back in January?

What was your sister's behaviour like at your wedding and how did you confront her about it?

I think these details are needed to establish whether YABU or not.

[Twinklestar2]

It does sound like drama seeking but at the time I thought it was the best way to tell them all at the same time and then discuss over the phone. I believe in talking things through and sorting them out. I think that's partly the issue here, I can't let go because to me it's not sorted.

[Twinklestar2]

Thx for all the messages so far.

[curren]

I can only find one very short thread regarding this.

Which basically says the fallout years ago was because you decided to have an opinion on her parenting. You know you shouldn't have and you both sorted it out and your relationship got steadily better since then until January.

When this event happened.

Tbh unless you are going to say what happened in January. No one can give advice. Because you say your sister is a dick and you are fed up.

But it sounds like it's both of you, at the very least. I would go mental if my 'young, opinionated' brother passed judgment on my parenting.

The sending a text asking everyone to call you to discuss it, sounds odd in my opinion and a bit attention seeking. I can see why your sister wasn't playing ball and refused to engage. She was heavily pregnant and probably couldn't be arsed with playing games.

Maybe what happened in January was awful and will change my opinion. But I can only base my opinion on what you have written.

I think you should try and maintain a civil but distant relationship. Really think about wether you are 50% responsible for the situation. And if you need it seek counselling.

[Mishaps]

Why are you constantly thinking about this? She's a difficult lady and unfortunately she happens to be your sister. End of.

Get on with your life and forget it. We cannot choose our relations. No need to dwell on it. It will probably never be sorted - there would have to be motivation on both sides and there isn't. It is not a personal insult to you; it is just how she is.

It is sad for her that she needs to present herself to the world as a "bitch", but it obviously gives her some sort of perverse satisfaction which you are fueling by doing exactly what she wants, i.e. feel crap about it.

Hopefully a new baby will help to mellow her, but don't hold your breath and stay well away!

[curren]

Oh yes and you did sort out what she did at the wedding. And moved on.

That was dealt with, but still seems to upset you.