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To only just start grieving for my nan?

(5 Posts)
Abbbinob Thu 31-Mar-16 09:05:15

over 10 years acter she died?
i was 12 when she died and i didn't seem to grasp it at all.
but since having DS i keep getting suddenly sad that she isn't here anymore, she would have loved him.
she was the nicest person i've ever known, she used to live in a block of flats and a young addict lived above her, she used to pop round and make him sandwiches and tea because she was worried he never ate.
it's like theres something wrong with me that I keep getting really upset that she's not here anymore but I never used to really, is that normal?
we were close, i was at her house everyday as a young kid when my mum was working, but something just didn't click in my brain when she died? is that weird?

Lottapianos Thu 31-Mar-16 09:10:08

Grief is a strange and very personal thing. No its not weird at all to feel like you do. You were only 12 when she died, her loss means different things to you now that you're an adult. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up for you. Do you have anyone in real life that you can talk to about how you feel?

drivingmisspotty Thu 31-Mar-16 09:14:28

Bless you, you sound completely normal flowers

I have experienced myself that having children does make you look back and mourn again. My gran sounds like yours, always an open door and looked after the neighbours, also a wicked sense of humour. She would have got such a kick out of my little ones. We lost my mum just six months ago and already my kids have grown so much, learnt so much more and I wish she could be with us to enjoy them and continue knowing them.

I have also heard that when children experience a loss, they often regrieve as they grow. Which is maybe partly what is happening to you? At age 12 you were perhaps not ready to understand death, now you are older and have gone through the enormous experience of bringing a new life into the world, perhaps there is a new understanding?

Do you have people in RL you can chat to like your parents or partner? It all sounds sounds normal to me but if you find it is taking over all your thoughts, stopping you from enjoying your son or getting out and about then chat to your GP or contact cruise (bereavement charity) for some extra support.

liquidrevolution Thu 31-Mar-16 09:21:43


My gran died during my uni finals and so I didn't go to her funeral or visit her before she died as I was a 5 hour train ride away so I never gave myself the time to grieve. I have DD now and find I am sadder now than when she actually died.

driving is right. 'having children does make you look back and mourn again'

BillBrysonsBeard Thu 31-Mar-16 09:39:28

Not weird at all. I was that young when my baby niece died, I obviously understood she was gone and felt the family's sadness but I didn't grieve until I had my own newborn at 29. If something awful happens at a young age then we can't fully understand it until we can relate.

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