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To ask when you knew it was over?

(19 Posts)
Kiddiewinks2008 Tue 29-Mar-16 22:47:01

(D)H had a flip out in the car yesterday when I told him his driving scared me. Swore, screamed, woke up and scared DC, stopped car, slammed door & stormed off at services- has serious anger management issues. Its the culmination of me putting up with a lot but not feeling strong enough to LTB but this feels unforgivable as it was disgusting to see.
Aibu to ask what was the straw that broke the camels back for you & how long after did it take you to seperate? Am worried about the kids- after he had stormed off, DD (4) kept saying 'but I love Daddy' - am so angry at his behaviour

Shenanagins Tue 29-Mar-16 22:49:36

I didn't have kids to take into consideration but it was when I realised that I no longer cared enough to fight. Don't know if that helps but only you can make the decision.

SaucyJack Tue 29-Mar-16 22:54:19

I think starting threads like this is a pretty big giveaway that you're done.

Best wishes for the future xx

BlueMoonRising Tue 29-Mar-16 22:54:41

Similar to Shenanigans - when I stopped caring about what he said and did to/about me.

Although tbh I put up with a LOT of shit before it got to that point, and I probably should have left sooner.

Redglitter Tue 29-Mar-16 22:56:51

When I discovered his online dating and the TEN other people he was seeing

SpaceKablooie Tue 29-Mar-16 22:57:00

He scared you, and put you and your DC at risk by driving dangerously. Then he made a big scene when you told him this.

It's up to you when it's over kiddie. You don't need to defend your decision to anyone.

JolieMadame Tue 29-Mar-16 22:57:55

When you realise you just don't give a shit any more...

Vintage45 Tue 29-Mar-16 22:58:23

Have you had enough yet OP?

HoppingForward Tue 29-Mar-16 23:00:05

I put up with soo much for the DC. Road rage where I ended up getting out of the car and offering the other "man" out.

Verbal threats, minor physical violence, I turned into a nut job over him.

Final straw after my "that is the last time" was 3 years later, DC witnessed it all, it's been horrific.

It's so easy to say leave, get out but I wish I had done it 3 years ago, for DC sanity more than my own.

madamlala Tue 29-Mar-16 23:01:34

When you can honestly say that your life and that of your children will be much improved if he were not there.

Kiddiewinks2008 Tue 29-Mar-16 23:01:37

I have had enough- but weirdly scared of leaving for my kids sake- but I am very unhappy.

AgentZigzag Tue 29-Mar-16 23:03:33

He was out of control...in the car...with your little children.

You can't leave your children to be at the mercy of this man and his temper.

Find the strength to get out and keep them (and yourself) safe.

IamlovedbyG Tue 29-Mar-16 23:04:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

jellybean2000 Tue 29-Mar-16 23:07:49

When the thought of being w/o him (ups and downs and all) feels like it would be better than staying.

Take small steps and look into what you need to do on a practical level (finances, the home).

I know I don't want my children to think how my STBX treats me is how a marriage works.

EA went on for 7 years (not all awful, but escalating in last few years), started divorce proceedings March 2015, still going on, but I know it's the right thing without a shadow of doubt.

Best wishes OP

madamlala Tue 29-Mar-16 23:13:31

My DH was raised within an unhappy marriage and I think it has had a marked influence on him all his adult life. He often refers to his father's drinking, rages, mild violence etc as well as his mother's doormat reaction to it.
I hate it that he was so unhappy and I resent her that she didn't think more about her children and how it affected them. I do know it wasn't easy to just leave and I'm being very judgmental but my point is this, do not under estimate how happy you could make your children if this threat was lifted and they could relax in their own home ..and car!

MrsSchadenfreude Tue 29-Mar-16 23:32:45

I would also say, when you don't care any more. When there's nothing left, or no reason to fight.

I knew it was over with my ex when he went through an itemised shopping receipt and crossed out everything he claimed he didn't eat (biscuits? butter?) and wouldn't pay for.

Timeforanamechangy Wed 30-Mar-16 09:25:40

For me, it was when I had a cancer scare and had to go to hospital for treatment. I was scared and had no one else to go with me. He refused to come. It was then that I knew, after all the broken promises, all the posturing and assurances that things would change, it never would. If he couldn't put me first, for once, when I really needed him to, then he never would.

It also make me take a serious look at my life. I stayed for a long time, way too long, for the dc's but I realised that if I stayed with him then one day they would look back on their lives and see that they had a pretty miserable childhood. When I finally ended it I hoped that they would be young enough that they could still make some happy memories.

It took a while for me to know 100% that I had done the right thing but after that inital hard period passed it was like I was seeing things for the first time, as an outsider would have. It took about 2 months from first feeling it, to our relationship being over because every time I tried to end it he would guilt me into 'trying again'. But my heart wasn't in it after that.

Op, it may be hard for a while but I think deep down you know how you feel and what you think needs to happen. Good luck xx

Littlefluffyclouds81 Wed 30-Mar-16 09:34:49

When the thought of him being with someone else didn't bother me at all, in fact I felt sorry for whoever that person might be.

noisytoys Wed 30-Mar-16 09:37:28

When my 4 year old daughter called me a cunt. In that instant I knew she had seen and heard too much. I ended the marriage that day and was divorced within 6 months. Life is so much better now than it ever was.

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