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Pay day loan and hen do - AIBU

(236 Posts)
Henzilla Tue 29-Mar-16 20:54:31

Apologies...another hen do one. One of my best friends is getting married. She's not having bridesmaids a few of us friends suggested organising a night out as a hen do but Friend 2 said she had spoken to bride who wants to go away for weekend in London. I said I can't afford a weekend away but Friend 2 went ahead anyway. I take the point - she only gets married once, so figured I'd just find the cash from somewhere. Now Friend 2 says she won't be able to come on the hen do as she has a 6mo. This is perfectly reasonable of course - one of the reasons I suggested a smaller thing so everyone could come! So now I'm in a position where I'm going to be taking out a payday loan to afford a night away that I'll be in charge of.

AIBU to think that her reason for not going isn't better than mine? Yes, I can take out a loan to afford it and she can't leave a baby she's breastfeeding. Am prepared to accept therefore IABU. I know the bride wants to go away and I want her to have a womderful weekend and I don't want to let her down. But I would have spoken to her and gently said is quite short notice for people and let's make it a fabulous day/night in our hometown. It's too late to do that now and I just feel desperately worried about money and that I've been cornered into something where I'm just going to be thinking about every pound so it's not going to be the dream weekend away she hoped for anyway.

raininginspringtime Tue 29-Mar-16 20:56:24

No, YANBU. Essentially she has put you in an awkward position where she's organised an expensive night out and has now pulled out of it!

Vintage45 Tue 29-Mar-16 20:57:43

These thread totally piss me off. Why don't these bridezillas realise that people can't afford these stupid outings?

annandale Tue 29-Mar-16 20:59:59

Never, never, never take out a payday loan. For anything.

Never x 100 take out a payday loan for a hen do.

If she cares more about the fabulousness of her weekend away than about who can actually be there, she needs to cosy up to some richer friends. She could have the most amazing weekend away in the universe, in Mauritious or on the International space station, but if nobody she knows is there, what the hell is the point?

You need to have an honest conversation with the bride, face to face. It may be that Friend 2 wasn't particularly upfront with her - tell her that you are really looking forward to giving her a fun sendoff but you're just not going to be able to afford anything other than [insert something you can REALLY afford - tbh even a night out at a big pub can be pretty expensive these days - what about cooking her dinner at somebody's house and having the party there?]

SoThatHappened Tue 29-Mar-16 21:00:35

A pay day loan for a weekend in London?

NO WAY.

Dont do it.

Bearbehind Tue 29-Mar-16 21:01:50

You would be absolutely insane to take out a pay day loan for a fucking hen do.

As for 'you only get married once' IME this categorically does not apply to bridezillas.

Tell bridezilla you aren't going- end of.

ImperialBlether Tue 29-Mar-16 21:02:21

I agree with the others. Don't even think of doing that. It's absolute madness.

Shutthatdoor Tue 29-Mar-16 21:03:58

No no no no no

WanderingNotLost Tue 29-Mar-16 21:04:07

I've had payday loans before. Huge mistake. Don't do it.

eightbluebirds Tue 29-Mar-16 21:05:37

You're both being silly. Can't afford it? Don't go. She's planned it badly, but you didn't need to play along.

WhoisLucasHood Tue 29-Mar-16 21:05:56

No way, you are literally pissing that money away and could possibly be a bloody nightmare to repay.

Henzilla Tue 29-Mar-16 21:08:13

I just don't think my friends understand that when I say I can't afford something...I really can't. Maybe it looks as if I can as I do go out and I do have a job - I just need to not overspend. I wonder if maybe £100 to them is £10 to me iyswim. Don't think I have much choice now so will just have to be a very frugal summer.

Henzilla Tue 29-Mar-16 21:09:11

I've had payday loans before too and it was horrid horrid horrid. I just don't see what else I can do now I'm responsible for my friend having a good hen do.

mumeeee Tue 29-Mar-16 21:09:13

Another one saying don't take a pay day loan out for anything. They are not good things

SylviaWrath Tue 29-Mar-16 21:10:33

It's not about her reason being better than yours, its about her having the sense to say : I'm not doing that. She did, you didn't.
Getting a payday loan for it is ridiculous, but its your choice, no-one forced you.

Bearbehind Tue 29-Mar-16 21:11:26

OP, this is harsh but you are a fucking idiot if you do this.

Do you realise that a payday loan will stay on your credit file for 6 years and could adversely affect you securing finance in the future?

6 years!

Probably a lot longer than bridezillas marriage will last.

ConfuciousSayWhat Tue 29-Mar-16 21:13:21

Don't do it. It's not your responsibility. Do not shoulder it.

I was left in charge of a hen do once, shortly after the wedding the couple split shortly after that me and the bride had a massive bust up and I hope never to see her again.

Don't do it. Stand your ground

PassiveAgressiveQueen Tue 29-Mar-16 21:13:57

now I'm responsible for my friend having a good hen do.

no you are not in any way at all. Tell her you couldn't afford it before and you still CAN NOT AFFORD IT NOW.
If she is to much of a snob to have a local night out stuff her.

Henzilla Tue 29-Mar-16 21:14:16

I know - you're right Sylvia and I have made that choice now so will make it work I guess.

Just feels that having a baby is a reason that is accepted (rightly so) whereas having no money feels like it's treated as just making an excuse I can solve, which I guess I have, if not wisely so therefore I guess IABU as you can't solve having a baby to look after.

Henzilla Tue 29-Mar-16 21:14:55

And I did say. It was ignored.

annandale Tue 29-Mar-16 21:15:48

A good hen do does NOT equal an expensive hen do. Or at least, it does not equal a hen do that the people she wants to be there cannot afford. I've had some superb nights round my friends' houses with a bottle of wine and a bring-a-dish dinner.

Take it from me, as a perenially broke person, you are going to have to be the one who grows up and says 'No'. TBH what your friends think you can afford is IRRELEVANT. Work out what you can actually afford. You may well get some 'friends' bitching behind your back that you are making a fuss about nothing - well, they are not going to be paying your loan for you. You are going to be paying it off. For years.

SylviaWrath Tue 29-Mar-16 21:16:38

It sounds like you are embarrassed that you think your friends have a lot more money than you, and you don't like to say you can't afford things. Either they are good friends and should totally understand that not everyone has the same cash, and accommodate you, or they aren't good friends at all and you shouldn't really care what they think anyway.

SoThatHappened Tue 29-Mar-16 21:16:44

YOu would be better off using a credit card than a payday loan. If you must do it.

Is a credit card an option?

SoThatHappened Tue 29-Mar-16 21:17:02

And I still dont think you should do it.

coveredinhopeandvaseline Tue 29-Mar-16 21:17:33

DO NOT TAKE OUT A PAYDAY LOAN.

If you are in such a precarious financial position that you need to take one out for a hen do then you really can't afford to go.

You will LITERALLY end up robbing Peter to pay Paul.

My credit rating was trashed a few years ago with those ridiculous loans. It's a trap from which it is sooooo hard to climb.

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