...to feel a midlife crisis coming on?

(27 Posts)
MinnieMalloy Tue 29-Mar-16 14:32:15

I'm approaching 40.....and I am so very, very bored with myself.

And I know, I know...as my Granny used to say 'only boring people get bored!'

Its not that I dont have a decent life. I do. But when I'm not working, looking after my DC or attacking the never-ending cycle of housework...I just dont know what to do with myself. I read, surf the net, watch boxsets or now and then 'treat myself' to shopping, getting my nails done etc. But basically...I'm pretty bored with who I am and I dont really know what I like doing anymore or what new interests or skills I could develop, iyswim.

Last year I went on a real 'self improvement' drive and got fit, did a creative writing class, started reading again and got myself a job after a while as a SAHM.

But so far this year, I have just slipped back into being Mrs boredy-bored-bored. I dont seem to find much enjoyment in things and feel a general deep sense of dissatisfaction with myself. I keep dreaming about us selling up and travelling the world. or maybe selling up and leaving London and starting all over somewhere new. Realistically, neither of these things are practical or ever going to happen...and i dont even know if I really want them to...I just feel like shaking things up!

I can't be the only one? What have others done to inject a bit of excitement into their lives in middle age?

I'm not at the 'get a massive tattoo' stage of crisis yet grin...but I'm getting close....

stumblymonkey Tue 29-Mar-16 14:43:03

I have absolutely no advice but will be following with interest.

This post describes me roughly every second or third year of my adult life.

I've always wondered if everyone is like this or just some people?

EastMidsMummy Tue 29-Mar-16 14:46:31

If only you lived somewhere with more opportunities on your doorstep....

Euphemia Tue 29-Mar-16 14:47:29

My friend left her DH of 25 years for another man - that was exciting! hmm

I'm fancying a sports car. And a time machine to make DH and me 29 again. grin

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Tue 29-Mar-16 14:52:09

Me, me me! In fact I nearly started a thread in this yesterday!

I'm very nearly 40yo and just feel that life is a cycle of cleaning, working, watching TV, cleaning, etc. Ive tried to do more stuff so im not in such a rut. Ive started cycling quite a bit, got a caravan and go off to different places (that's very middle aged isn't it)

But I really feel I want an adventure. I would quite like to hike the PAcific Crest Trail in America but it's nearly 3000 miles and would take at least six months. Dh wouldn't come, infact I think he might divorce me. But dd will leave home in 3 years and I keep looking at maps and googling lightweight tents!

Euphemia Tue 29-Mar-16 14:57:27

I'll come Simon!

FauxFox Tue 29-Mar-16 15:02:05

Volunteering? You'll meet new people, get out and about and help other too - win win smile Pick a cause you are interested in and see what's around near you. I help at a Special Needs Youth Club one night a week - so fun, I love it (and its at least one night a week i'm not sat at home watching telly grin)

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Tue 29-Mar-16 15:02:16

Yay, we could have a MN expedition.

I'm a bit worried about bears, rattlesnakes, falling down a snow chute, falling in Rapids when trying to cross a creek, getting raped/killed, getting lost, running out of water in the desert, blisters and the dark! Apart from that I think I would enjoy it. grin

MinnieMalloy Tue 29-Mar-16 16:05:05

stumbly - I go through cycles of being like this, too. I wonder if it IS everyone, or just us? grin.

EastMidsMummy - ha ha. You are right...I do realise this. But the sort of fun I could easily have in London costs money, and as my DC are now 11 and 7, I am beyond the 'lets make some free fun out of a nature trail in the park and some peanut butter sandwiches' phase. I want some fun for me...and I admit I am all out of ideas.

Def fancy a sports car Euphemia. My battered old motor is on its last legs and I fully admit I envy the few my-car-is-so-shiny-and-fast-wankers I see dropping their DC off on the school run. So sick of the failed electrics, scuffed paintwork and faint smell of lost rotten apple in my banger <sob> grin

Love the idea of doing the Pacific trail - or any long term travel - but its not possible right now.

I know I'm going to sound like a right bitch - but NO to volunteering. I'm a social worker and one of my children has quite severe SN, so I'm all cared out. I just can't give anything more to anyone right now. I'm after some selfish pursuits, I think!

MN Expedition sounds great grin

cleaty Tue 29-Mar-16 16:08:23

I got involved in political activism. You have to find something you care about.

MinnieMalloy Tue 29-Mar-16 16:11:33

cleaty...hmmm...thats a good point...I could look into some sort of single issue campaigning or something, I guess. I'm really passionate about education and special needs.

But I got massively involved in campaigning for Labour right up until the general election and have just hugely lost heart with it ever since. That's a whole other thread grin <not a Corbynista, put it that way>

cleaty Tue 29-Mar-16 16:17:13

Go on an exciting holiday then? Somewhere truly adventurous, and go without your family.

cottonsandlinens Tue 29-Mar-16 16:28:53

I was in the same position as you a few years ago - felt very unfulfilled and couldn't bear the thought of this being it.
I started running. It was a very very slow solo beginning but gave me time out of the house just for me.
4 years later and I am doing my first full ironman in July having built up my running, then adding cycling and swimming. The sense of achievement I get from being strong and fit is amazing. My dc are impressed and I feel great.
It's really hard fitting in training around a full time job and 2 dc but it has definitely chased away the mid life crisis!

MinnieMalloy Tue 29-Mar-16 16:33:59

Wow, thats amazing cottonsandlinens! Well done grin

When do you fit training in? I got really into weights last year before I went back to work and was training 5 times a week and felt amazing. But sustaining it once I went back to FT work has been hard and I haven't been to the gym since December blush. I can't even be arsed to do a yoga DVD at home anymore <lethargic>...

MinnieMalloy Tue 29-Mar-16 16:35:13

cleaty...I'd love to, but I can't really leave my DS (SN) for long periods. Its too hard for DH to manage with work and the caring responsibility and another DC. I've been away alone for long weekends, but dont think I could manage any longer than that.

AliceScarlett Tue 29-Mar-16 16:36:26

What about doing a values test online - what are your core values and how can you act more in line with them?

MinnieMalloy Tue 29-Mar-16 16:36:59

That sounds interesting, AliceScarlett! Googling now...

Whitegrenache Tue 29-Mar-16 16:39:18

I'm 40 next month but my life is so busy and I love it. I work, a DH who works away I have 2 DC and lots of animals! I also have my own horse and do lots of horsey activities. I also love doing all the DC activities and socialising with their friends parents. In other words I make the most of any social opportunity I have grin
I am going to CParcs for my birthday, Marbella with a friend then Tenerife for ten days with my lush family. 2016 is looking good. Apart from Tenerife nothing has cost a fortune.

stumblymonkey Tue 29-Mar-16 17:30:09

I was starting to get a little like this again but then I got notified of redundancy two weeks ago.

I was ranty/sad about it for two days and then realised it was the most exciting thing that had happened to me in about six months (sad I know!)....now I am plotting to set up on my own as a business consultant so that's keeping me occupied for the time being!

Vintage45 Tue 29-Mar-16 17:33:44

Can't stand the "Im bored" so going to tell you what I tell my teens. Do something about it then grin

droitwichmummy Tue 29-Mar-16 17:40:21

I was like this, then I joined the Women's Institute and haven't looked back!

Princesspeach1980 Tue 29-Mar-16 17:48:37

Sign up for a charity trek, Great Wall of China, Kilimanjaro, Inca trail, that kind of thing. Gives you a year of training and fundraising for the sponsorship, then 10 days on an adventure. My DH has done three of these now, gets the bug every 2 or 3 years.

cottonsandlinens Wed 30-Mar-16 17:04:26

Minnie I struggle to fit training in tbh and have to cut right back on other things when an events coming up. I am that annoying person who will only come for one drink, it'll be non-alcoholic and I will leave at 9.30 because I know I'll be up on the turbo at 5am.
Generally I swim twice a week before work (45 mins from 6.30-7.15), run once during the week (45-60 mins speed work), one turbo session (60 mins speed/power) then at the weekend I go on the bike for one long ride and do one long run (that usually happens v early Sunday morning before anyone else is up). I also have one weights session with a pt each week. It's doable but I have to be very disciplined and get out even if I don't feel like it. I always feel better afterwards.
I'd rather do that than watch tv. But the dc do complain they don't see me when I'm very focused. I try to work things so I train when they're in bed, or so they can come with me (me run, them on bikes). Or they quite like going on the treadmill while I'm on the turbo and we can chat.
Before exercise I was faintly obsessed with knitting - I'm a far better triathlete than I ever was a knitter!!

austounding Wed 30-Mar-16 18:01:03

I'd love to, but I can't really leave my DS (SN) for long periods. Its too hard for DH to manage with work and the caring responsibility and another DC. I've been away alone for long weekends, but dont think I could manage any longer than that.

Minnie have you heard of microadventures? Alastair Humphries is an explorer who has a great website encouraging normal people to do little things outside their comfort zone. I went for a walk in the countryside in the dark last week and slept outside in a bivvy bag, it felt mad! But really something I would never do and quite exciting ha. He is super at pooh-poohing all normal excuses too!

acasualobserver Wed 30-Mar-16 18:04:14

According to something I read yesterday, your MLC might actually be dementia.

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