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To go to this girls house..

(124 Posts)
Worriedgirl888 Tue 29-Mar-16 08:28:04

(Please please no really nasty comments I feel awful about this). And tell her or her mum that her boyfriend is cheating on her with me? It would most likely be her mum as she always round his house if she isn't at work. Before I get hugely judged he was with me first for 3 years and had an affair behind my back with her, I forgave him but he eventually left me for her. But I am still hugely pathetically in love with him, and have continued to see him for the last six months most weeks. I did text her and tell her but she blocked my number and he admitted he had told her I was lying. It is killing me inside I want to stop seeing him but I can't as I love him too much. And tbh no I can't bear to see them happy when they both cheated behind my back. So I want her to know the truth once and for all, and prove it by showing her the texts etc. Is this really a hugely crazy thing to do? I know everyone will say just stop seeing him but honestly I have tried, this seems the only way to end it forever as even if she forgives him (which I think she will probably) he will never dare see me again. I'm 31 btw not a teenager and I know this sounds pathetic and awful. I do also feel sorry for her as I think she is as naive and silly about him as me...

formerbabe Tue 29-Mar-16 08:32:20

You're 31! shock

I thought from your post that you were much younger than that.

Why do you want to tell her? Be honest. ..is it because you want her to leave him and then you'll have him all to yourself?
I doubt that will happen.

Move on...he's no prize.

Worriedgirl888 Tue 29-Mar-16 08:34:06

I am aware I sound young and it's a pathetic teenager type situation, just don't want to go into extra details and out myself in some way either.
and I'm not totally sure I just don't want to go on like this, it's destroying me.

curren Tue 29-Mar-16 08:35:57

Ywbu to do this in my opinion.

It doesn't matter who cheated first blah blah blah. You are now the OW. You tried telling her and she believed him.

You aren't going to get your 'happy ending' he is a tool and no prize.

You aren't going to devastate her, she won't believe you.

You will end looking like a sad, desperate woman hell bent on revenge. Or a drama llama

Get some self respect and stay away from him. She will see the light eventually, with you getting drawn into all this drama.

curren Tue 29-Mar-16 08:36:37

without you getting drawn in

Worriedgirl888 Tue 29-Mar-16 08:37:02

I think she will have to believe me as I have messages etc that prove it I'm well aware the easy answer is leave him alone but I have tried every day for months and I can't, I love him too much.

Diamogs Tue 29-Mar-16 08:38:20

What curren said.

londonrach Tue 29-Mar-16 08:39:31

Op please dont. You 31 not 13. Have strength and be strong and move on. Hes not worth it. flowers

StillDrSethHazlittMD Tue 29-Mar-16 08:39:32

What has it got to do with her mum? Nothing.

YOU are the OW. You will not come out of it well.

Seriously, get to a counsellor and have some therapy because you cannot possibly be in love with someone that treats you like this. What you are is suffering from very low self esteem and obsession and you need to get it sorted because you really do sound like you're 17.

Worriedgirl888 Tue 29-Mar-16 08:39:37

Thanks guys tbh I do know it's insane and crazy but this is how it has made me, I think I just want an end to it but I can't let him go myself, I need to make it so I can't see him..

TheCrumpettyTree Tue 29-Mar-16 08:41:46

You're 31? Jeez....

You need to give your head a wobble and grow up.

Worriedgirl888 Tue 29-Mar-16 08:41:48

And I know it hasn't got anything to do with her mum, if she was ever home I would tell her direct.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 29-Mar-16 08:42:27

You love a man who has cheated on you. Who cheats with you. Where is your self worth. Also unless she is totally stupid. She should know. He's got the potential to cheat. If he did it with her. She's delusional if she thinks. He won't do it to her.

Arfarfanarf Tue 29-Mar-16 08:42:31

Why?
I mean, what do you love about him that makes up for the fact he's bollock deep in some other woman on a regular basis and is shitting all over the pair of you?
And suppose you manage to make this woman call it off with him. You think you and she are the only women in the world for him? No. He'd go find another one.
Why do you want not only to have this life but to chase it and hold onto it with both hands?
Do you have a daughter? If you do. Or did. Would you say to her oh you love him hang on in there he'll fuck around but that's ok cos he's your man hang onto him.

I really think you would benefit from help to get to the bottom of why and how you can have feelings of love for someone who treats you with contempt.

curren Tue 29-Mar-16 08:42:34

She will still believe him. He will talk his way out of it. You are the crazy ex in his version.

She doesn't have to believe you.

You are an adult. Of course you can stay away from him. Block him/ delete him on everything. Don't answer the sort of he comes round. I assume you don't have kids.

You don't want to stay away from him, as an adult you make a decision on who you speak to and who you sleep with.

OneLove10 Tue 29-Mar-16 08:42:35

You are not ready to be in a relationship if at 31 you are behaving like this. Seriously grow up.

MaidOfStars Tue 29-Mar-16 08:43:06

I love him too much
But you don't love yourself enough.

He is a cheat. He is a liar. He is a manipulator. He doesn't love you.

You deserve better. It doesn't matter if the mere sight of him makes your knickers fall off, anything that comes out of his mouth is probably bollocks. I don't think it's possible to genuinely love someone like that - how does it not make your stomach turn? Knowing it's just a game for him?

MaidOfStars Tue 29-Mar-16 08:44:30

Cross post with a far more eloquent Arf!

StillDrSethHazlittMD Tue 29-Mar-16 08:46:47

Oh, and it's not how "this has made me" - this is how you have made yourself. You chose to let him treat you like this, just as you chose to allow him into your life and become the OW. So wake up and smell the coffee.

curren Tue 29-Mar-16 08:48:58

Quite honestly if you turned up at my house with this pile of drama to reveal to my daughter on my doorstep, I would tell you to get lost.

You have no right to bring this to her mums home.

FranksBobot Tue 29-Mar-16 08:49:19

You do know he doesn't love you, right? If he did then you wouldn't be the other woman, you would be the ONLY woman.
Don't waste time and emotions on someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about yours.

londonrach Tue 29-Mar-16 08:49:38

Worriedgirl...he sounds like a drug to you so you need to go cold turkey. Have you a friend in rl who could help you get over this addiction. Throw everything he gave you away. Change your telephone number and email address. Keep yourself busy with friends, family, new hobby, gym etc. if you have a weak moment can you text or phone that rl friend to stop you. Alternative come on here and im sure mntters will say no to you. You dont deserve being someones bit on the side. Hes nothing! What do you hope to achieve by telling her, you dont want him, he is unfaithful.

VocationalGoat Tue 29-Mar-16 08:50:37

Don't do it! Get a grip. I mean that nicely.
Why put all your energy into a maelstrom of drama that will impact your life badly (as if there isn't enough drama) when you could put your energy into training, enriching your mind, enhancing your life, etc. Put the rubbish out for collection. But do it neatly and work on moving on.

Don't message this girl, knock on her mum's door, etc. Don't sh*t where you eat.

You're 31. This is it...the decade where all sorts of incredible things can happen, life changing stuff. Why are you pissing your time away on this bandit?
Blink and you're 34, then 36, then 40 comes along. And you'll have wasted time and energy and one of the most important decades of your life on this guy.

Why not try to move on without a self-induced sh*t storm trailing you?
By the way, what's to love about this guy? You're fixated, obsessed, not in love. This is not love. flowers

Worriedgirl888 Tue 29-Mar-16 08:58:39

Thank you for your replies. I'm aware it's an obsession but I did / do love him we were together over 3 years and I thought really happy... I don't want to drag her mum into it of course and I know it's probably a demented crazy thing to do. Believe me I do know this and yes it's like a drug I suppose.. I appreciate your replies and honestly I have tried to just not talk to him many many times.

ijustwannadance Tue 29-Mar-16 08:58:52

31!!!!!!
No offence op but grow a backbone and tell him to fuck off.
He is basically laughing in your face. Having his cake and eating it, knowing that he has at least 2 women fighting over him.
Do you actually want him or is it that you can't stand the fact that she has 'won'?

So which one of you will end up accidentally pregnant first then?hmm

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