To ask if you had v bad HG the 1st time.......

[BadDoGooder]

Did you have it the second time?

I have a DS aged 3.10, the pregnancy was truly horrific.
From about 6 weeks I was throwing up or feeling sick constantly.
I was hospitalized 5 times during the pregnancy, for a total of 10 weeks.
It was a real struggle, and had to give up work, really early on as I just couldn't cope, the only thing that saved me was the support of DP and a couple of very close friends, who were/are brilliant.

The reason I ask is, I had those early sicky symptoms a little while ago (it was a bug I think), and it threw up a debate we had never had before.
While DP already has two adult DDs we do sort of feel it would be nice for DS to have a sibling close to his age, but I absolutely cannot do that pregnancy again.
I hate hospitals anyway, and 10 weeks of that, plus not being able to eat anything/do anything and the traumatic birth coupled with DS's v worrying 2 weeks in SCBU with some very frightening potential outcomes, I can't help but feel it's not worth it.
So as not to drip feed, I have been pregnant before DS (I had a termination) and I had severe HG then as well, so I'm assuming my body just hates being pregnant!

So....AIBU to ask if you did/would do it again? And was it as bad the second time around?

[SmallBee]

My SIL in law did it a second time and it was horrendous for her. She said it was a million times worse with number two and having to look after her DS at the same time definitely made her symptoms worse. When her dh was off and helped out she felt better. She won't be having a third.
But I know that there is a lot you van do in preparation for HG if you're expecting it the second time around, organise good childcare and find a supportive Dr.

[Katz]

Sorry mine was worse with my second but the medicine I took made it tolerable.

[cuntycowfacemonkey]

Mine was worse the second time and carried on for longer. So bad we came very close to terminating the pregnancy

[Witchend]

I was worst with my middle one and best with #3.

Unfortunately I don't think you can tell until it happens.

[GreatFuckability]

yes, it was just bad the 2nd time me. lots of hospital stays.
weirdly was fine with number 3 though, had sickness, but nowhere near the same level. people at work thought i was nuts when i talked about how fantastic i felt when i was still throwing up 4 times a day and lost 2st in the early days!

[BadDoGooder]

Yeah, that's what I was worried about.
The DRs I spoke when pg really weren't that clued up or helpful tbh.

I can't do any childcare, it's simply not possible, we can't afford to pay, and both our DM's, while definitely fit, capable and willing, live at least a 150 miles away from us, my DF would do it (he lives with me) but he's v ill and frail, and probably won't get much better.

I just don't think I can manage being that ill again, but it does make me a little sad that DS's siblings are decades older than him.

[DownUnderBound]

Mine was so much worse the second time, hospitalised on drips etc (also felt horrifically guilty on dc, felt like I was MIA for nine months, then the newborn come and I felt even worse at all the time missed where we could have been doing lovely stuff together)...I swung between wanting a termination, and ending it all.... hg is no laughing matter as you know yourself. I would go as far as to say I was bedridden for the first 14 weeks. Lost three stone. Lost some teeth. Yep....wasn't pretty & very sadly put an end to our dreams of a big family

[Salmiak]

I had hg with my first - however was able to drag myself through the 9months by lying on the sofa and dribbling into a sick bucket.

Hg struck again with my second offer, and we'd really planned for the possibility of hg. So we got an au pair, started medication far earlier and dh was aware of what to expect.

I found the second pregnancy far worse than the first, I wasn't able to sleep as much as dd needed me, I felt enormous guilt that I'd robbed her of her lovely mother and replaced her with a sickeningly weak uninterested version of me. The hg wasn't as severe with my second, (only 2 hospital admissions) but mentally and physically it was draining, even with all the extra help.

We are not having a third.

[ConfuciousSayWhat]

I didn't have it but my mum did for her first 2 pregnancies but not the third. I didn't even have morning sickness with mine so it doesn't always follow if your mum had it you'll get it

[BadDoGooder]

GreatFuck I would be like that too! I think I could cope if it was just normalish morning sickness, but that constant, never ending puking, I just can't even think about it.

I couldn't get pg, get attached, then have to terminate because it was too much. If I didn't want it, then fine. And I can't consider going through that sickness, with a pre/starting school age DS.

It's a tough one, and I'm impressed and awed by the amount of you who did it again, you clearly have ovaries of steel!

[MrsBungle]

I was not so bad second time round. I was only hospitalised twice second time. I was put on ondansetron from 6 weeks which I think helped. My friend is a midwife and she said that, in her experience, someone who gets hg is likely to get it with every pregnancy but it generally becomes less extreme each time - although not according to this thread.

[ConfuciousSayWhat]

My mum told me that the desire to have children overode the fear of being ill and got her through it. She's made of steel, as are you all, imo not sure I'd have been able to spend 9 months in hospital throwing up!

[MrsBungle]

Not the experience of most on this thread I mean!

[Namechanger2015]

Mine was terrible with all 3 I'm afraid. First was worse most definitely as I was not prepared and got very bad very quickly. Second one I was a tiny bit more prepared for, but there is nothing I could do about it really - had my little DD to take care of and had to get by as well as I could.

Third was horrible too, doctor gave my cyclising which helped a little. Looking bad I am very glad I did it, absolutely worth it etc but it was horrific. If you think you might do it I would do it quickly and have it over and done with rather than something hanging over your head for the next few years.

[BadDoGooder]

DownUnder and Salmiak That is exactly it. I know for a fact that I would become a useless, sicky mum, with no time for DS. The hg support round here is terrible and as you all well know, being dismissed as getting worked up over "normal morning sickness" until you spend 3 weeks in hospital is just frustrating and upsetting.

as well as wine for everyone.

I am leaning towards no more, and trying to get DS some more friends, I sort of knew you were all going to say it was just as hard the second time!

[Namechanger2015]

Doctor gave me cyclazine. I hope that didn't sound like me telling you when to have another baby, I meant that was my experience and take on subsequent pregnancies.

[BadDoGooder]

Oh, and a massive thank you to everyone for sharing, I felt really isolated in many ways when pg, though my friends and family were great, no one really "understood" it, as they had no experience, and it's nice to know I'm not a complete wimp!

[Kilmeny]

With my first (DD) I had nine months of hideous stomach churning mouth watering nausea, only helped by lying very still in a dark room. With my second (DD) three months of feeling and being sick and then six of wanting to eat everything and no more sickness.

[Kilmeny]

Sorry my second was a DS not a DD.

[BadDoGooder]

Oh no NameChanger, it didn't come across like that!
I got what you meant, sort of like ripping a plaster off quick because you know it will hurt, and the longer you leave it, the worse it seems!

Gah, I wish there was a way of knowing for sure that I could control it!

[Stripyhoglets]

I haven't had HG but don't feel bad for DS not having a sibling near his age. They might not get on at all even if you have another child, so if you are going to do it - it needs to be because you really want to have a child whatever it takes - not that you feel you should for DS sake

[BadDoGooder]

Ha Stripy that's a good point. They might hate each other!

You are right, it would be silly to have another child just for DS's sake, and I am sort of split on the matter anyway.

Just the outside chance I was accidentally pg again threw up this subject, and I think if it wasn't for the hg issue, we might have done the whole "not try, but not actively use contraception, and see" approach, but the hg makes it a serious and life altering decision for us, not to be taken lightly!

[FroggySoup]

I had my dd late (39) and would love another. I'm 41 now so time is not on my side. I had hg from week 6 until week 38 of my pregnancy, throwing up between 2 and 9 times every day. Hospitalised for dehydration just once. Having to take the tube to work every day was the pits. Carrying bags of sick...fun fun. Throwing up on my shoes in the work toilets. The constant nasty metallic taste in my mouth! I ended up being induced on my due date as they thought my waters had gone. They hadn't. Failed to progress, baby got distressed, emergency c-section followed, and didn't see her for 4 hours because she's swallowed/breathed meconium and was rushed off to be suctioned etc. Soooo....the thought of having another pregnancy scares the crap out of me, but the thought of only having had one baby and not having experienced a "normal" delivery (I'd hoped for an unassisted water birth!) makes me quite sad.

[AliceThrewTheFookingGlass]

I had HG from around 6 weeks until during/after labour with both of my kids. Almost weekly hospital admissions and tons of daily meds both times..

In some ways it was easier the second time around as I had 9 months of experience under my belt so I knew how to manage it to some extent. On the other hand having another child to look after so being unable to rest as much as needed made it lot harder too.

I would love another child but I can't do that again! Not for many years at least.

[Lessstressedhemum]

I had HG all 5 times, all children delivered early because of it. With middle child I spent 8 of the 9 months in hospital on a drip!.