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Not to want to leave my teething baby to cry

(32 Posts)
icantthinkofanythingwitty Mon 28-Mar-16 21:38:42

Dd is 9 months and has been sleeping the second out of the night (after midnight) in our bed. It's the only way she will settle. She's teething really bad at the moment (4 teeth at once). Last night DP went through to her room when she woke and tried to get her back to sleep in her own bed. She wouldn't and he started saying that she plays us and needs to be left to cry. She was in total agony and took 2 hours to settle even with anbesol and calpol. He wants the bed back as he's uncomfortable and says their isn't room. Admittedly it's a squeeze but no way am I leaving her to cry. There is a double bed in the spare room he could sleep in but he says that's uncomfortable. I could take dd through there but she's highly mobile now and can get out of the sleepyhead in a flash so I'm worried she would fall out of bed (she is between us at the moment. I do intend to try and get her back to her own bed but Aibu to want to leave it till her teething calms down?

bigredtractor Mon 28-Mar-16 21:41:43

YANBU I found that mine always slept better with us and IT WILL PASS. But one of you should consider moving to the second double bed (lucky b$goers!) - no point being uncomfortable.

VoldysGoneMouldy Mon 28-Mar-16 21:42:54

YANBU to co-sleep until it's settled down, but YABVU to co-sleep unsafely. Never sleep with a baby in between you.

Ameliablue Mon 28-Mar-16 21:44:09

I did the same. Yanbu

Bicnod Mon 28-Mar-16 21:45:22

YANBU, I couldn't leave a baby crying in pain either. Path of least resistance/whatever gets you through. It will pass.

luciole15 Mon 28-Mar-16 21:46:03

Yanbu. Your partner IBU.

PovertyPain Mon 28-Mar-16 21:47:23

Can you push the double bed, in the spare room, against the wall? That way he can have all the room he wants and you can comfort the wee one in the spare room.

SallyDonovan Mon 28-Mar-16 21:48:06

Even sleep experts who recommend leaving babies to cry, always emphasise that you should never do so when a baby is ill or in pain. YANBU. No way would I leave a baby crying in pain.

icantthinkofanythingwitty Mon 28-Mar-16 21:55:37

She is between us but in a sleepyhead grand, there is no way DP could roll over that in his sleep! She can get out of it but only when she wakes and climbs. I am a ridiculously light sleeper and ping to attention as soon as there is any movement from her. I hadn't thought about moving the bed against the wall, that is something I could do in the spare room. I couldn't do that in our room due to built in furniture. I am going to see how she is when she wakes tonight. I have no problem trying to get her back to sleep in her own bed but I will not leave her crying! I understand DP is frustrated but she is a baby and not capable of manipulation at 9 months old!

goodenoughmum88 Mon 28-Mar-16 21:57:10

YANBU.
I'm on baby 2 and am much less worried this time about "habits" etc. teething's bloody horrible for all concerned. They need cuddles and to be close. Co sleep safely, then you'll all get some sleep rather than none for some and everyone be miserable and fraught. Calpol/brufen for DC and chocolate for you. And a friendly slap for your Dp

toomanypasswords Mon 28-Mar-16 21:57:38

We sometimes co-sleep with DD (15 months). Usually one of us goes to spare bed and other sleeps with her. We tend to put pillows down one edge of bed so she can't roll of and sleep curled around her in the other side. She's not fallen out yet and she sleeps better. Can't always say the same for us though!!!...grin

Zaurak Mon 28-Mar-16 21:58:38

You can buy flip up panel things that block off one side of the bed (bed guard - think Amazon sell them.)

Lilipot15 Mon 28-Mar-16 21:59:25

I'm in the same position with a teething frequently waking increasingly mobile 9 month old. Thank you for reminding me about the sleepyhead. I stopped using it in her cot a few weeks ago as she seems to like to move but it may make me feel better about bringing her in between us.
Fingers crossed for us all it gets better soon!

Buckinbronco Mon 28-Mar-16 22:02:09

YANBU it's the only thing that worked for us too BUT it's your partners baby too and he doesn't want to share the bed so it's tough. I think you might have to take the baby to the spare room- can you push the bed against the wall?

WilLiAmHerschel Mon 28-Mar-16 22:05:18

You can buy bed guards that your put either side of the bed to stop your baby falling out. Dd sleeps with us and that is what we do.

Thisismyfirsttime Mon 28-Mar-16 22:06:46

What is his solution? To just leave her alone in her own bed to cry when she's in pain? Does he agree that she's teething and that it hurts or is he thinking she's just having you on?

WilLiAmHerschel Mon 28-Mar-16 22:07:24

Ooh Zaurak already said that.

TwoLittleBlooms Mon 28-Mar-16 22:07:52

You are not being unreasonable at all. There is no way I could leave my baby to cry if she was in pain sad I every night often bring our 14 month old in with us when she won't settle. Could you maybe get a bed guard, like one of those fold down ones used for toddlers to stop them rolling out of bed? That could be an option so that you could sleep in the spare room with her and she can't fall out of the bed? (Although, probably won't be safe if she is pulling herself up!)

witsender Mon 28-Mar-16 22:08:51

Don't leave the baba. This too will pass.

icantthinkofanythingwitty Mon 28-Mar-16 22:14:53

He did eventually conceded that she was in pain last night. Didn't have much choice as she was screaming the house down and trying to bite us both at every opportunity!! I'm hoping she is better tonight and goes back down in her own bed. I'm knackered too and would love her to sleep in her own bed but I'm not going to leave the poor thing to cry. I've made my feelings on that quite clear. If need be I will take her to the spare room and push the bed against the wall.

magratsflyawayhair Mon 28-Mar-16 22:25:33

YANBU. A baby that age cannot cajole, deceive or persuade. If they're in pain they need you. If they're not they might still need you.

WelliesTheyAreWonderful Mon 28-Mar-16 22:26:17

Not much more to add, I agree you shouldn't leave her to cry. Just wanted to wish you the best for tonight, we are going through the same thing!

woodwaj Mon 28-Mar-16 22:28:24

Defo move the spare bed for you not him! ;) and have you tried nurofen instead of calpol? It doesn't wear off as fast. My baby seems to get teeth in fours it's great fun!

Ughnotagain Mon 28-Mar-16 22:32:35

YANBU, my 10 month old sleeps with me every night. That said, I'm not surprised you have no room in your bed, Sleepyhead Grands are massive! It's a squeeze for us just with me, DD and DH in a standard double (a lot of the time he stays most of the night on the sofa, which is luxury for me grin).

Definitely find a way to work the spare room bed.

Buckinbronco Mon 28-Mar-16 22:35:58

My babies got teeth in 4s too. It's torturous OP. I want to give you a hug. The only good thing is it will e over- maybe even tomorrow! You never know.

I bet half the bickering you're experiancing is related to tiredness. When I'm tired and emotional I often want to leave DS. Just close the door and ignore him. I wouldn't do it but I've said it plenty of times. Tiredness does bad things.

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