To convice my mil I'm not a snob

(8 Posts)
IamthepermedowlofVeronica Mon 28-Mar-16 20:22:43

My dp is from a council estate, big family, strong family values. I'm from a small family, with wannabe middle class ideas. My mum has helped us buy our house, much appreciated (and she can afford it) we haven't made a big deal about this to mil as she could never offer the same, but helps in her own way. We make it very clear what she does is appreciated. Ds2 is a difficult boy so mil regularly takes ds1 away for a weekend.
They make me very welcome, but always go out of their way to buy food from marks and Spencer's or waitrose for us, I feel like they are putting on a show for me, trying to impress me.
This weekend she bought him back and dp wasn't here, I offered her and fil lunch and encouraged them to see ds2 but they couldn't get out quick enough!
I try my best to show appreciation, invite them to family events, email and text regular updates as I do with my family (dp is vague at the best of times and doesn't bother doing any of this!) but they always have an excuse.
I just get the feeling that they think their not good enough for me and avoid spending time with me alone. Maybe they don't like me?!
How can I convince them I'm not a snob and I do love them?!

Mysteryfla Mon 28-Mar-16 20:26:26

Tell them! "I just wanted to let you know what fabulous people you are and so on........."

grapejuicerocks Mon 28-Mar-16 20:27:41

Just tell them?
Say you really don't need to get this food stuff for me. And tell them how you are so lucky that your mum was in a position to help out financially and that they help out so much in practical terms. The best of both worlds and you really appreciate their help.

acasualobserver Mon 28-Mar-16 20:28:39

Stop trying. It's not your responsibility to convince them you're a good person. Just be yourself.

ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 20:28:41

If they don't like you now they never will. Get out while you can imo

BarbaraofSeville Mon 28-Mar-16 20:33:38

Maybe buying M&S or Waitrose food is what they always do for guests, special occasions or just normally and not specifically putting on a show for you?

CaptainMarvelDanvers Mon 28-Mar-16 20:36:00

Just be who you are.

IamthepermedowlofVeronica Mon 28-Mar-16 20:38:38

Not going to split up with dp coz his parents stand to attention every time I walk into a room!
I have told them, regularly. Sent her a little text today saying Thankyou for ds2's Easter present (obviously bought from marks and spencer!) and in the past I have said please don't go to any trouble for me. Maybe I need to be more precise.
Oi- buy me stuff from Asda! 😜

It must be exhausting for them tho. And they seem to come out in a rash if my mum is in the same room! I think it affects her even more than me

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