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My baby, MIL and a pea

(114 Posts)
ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 15:54:15

Alright I admit already I may be being a bit precious here and U, but here goes.

Yesterday the family all went for Easter lunch. My ds is 10 months. He has been unwell this week, gagging and choking on food to the point of vomiting. The doctor recommended putting him on completely puréed food until it settles so I have done this. MIL knows this. However when I was out of sight she put a pea in his mouth. My dm had hold of him and panicked about the pea, as she knows all about the gagging, and took him to my dh and told him there was a pea in his mouth, and asked if he wanted to remove it. DH panicked too and hooked the pea out of DS' mouth. He was fine!

I don't normally give him peas anyway. I would usually mash them a bit first rather than give them whole. At the moment though since he's unwell I definitely wouldn't give him harder food like this. The day before, at a different family party, other relatives were popping food like this into another baby's mouth and she was eating it. My DS isn't fed like that (TW not BLW) and my side of the family wouldn't consider putting food in the baby's mouth without asking or telling me.

Aibu to be annoyed with her? She knows he's choking and gagging on complete mush and she gave him a small hard pea. And she waited til I had left the room.

I suspect I'm a bit U.

Slowlygettingthehangofthings Mon 28-Mar-16 15:58:29

I would be annoyed too. It might not seem like a big deal to her and she might think you're being a bit OTT, but its going against your wishes as a parent. The fact she did it when you were out the way shows she knows you wouldn't approve. Its disrespectful.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 28-Mar-16 15:58:40

I would be unhappy but let it go.

Is your Mum a bit of a stirrer?

rumbleinthrjungle Mon 28-Mar-16 16:01:28


Whether brain fart or (considering she waited until you were out of the room) impulse control problems or some control thing or intention to prove he eats just fine without choking is pretty much irrelevant, YASNBU.

OurBlanche Mon 28-Mar-16 16:03:11


Your DH needs to have a word with his mum... along the lines of 'get a grip you stupid woman'

And you need to have a word with yours... along the lines of 'get grip you stupid woman'

Had your MIL being using half the brain she was born with she would have refrained from popping a pea into your DCs mouth having considered the circumstances more important than continuing her own familial way of hand feeding kids.

Had your DM had half the brain she was born with she would have spoken up and dealt with it herself, rather than carrying a child with a 'foreign object' in its mouth to its dad to deal with.

Both of you have DM issues!

DonkeyOaty Mon 28-Mar-16 16:03:48

Choking and gagging are very different

Book yourself onto a paediatric First Aid course - your HV can signpost

A cooked pea was fine but you know that, really. I would guess there's more about MIL/riding over you and DH

DH could step up and say oi Mum, no, pack it in please.

ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 16:07:42

My mum worried about upsetting mil by removing the pea so decided to take baby to his dad before removing pea (about a metre away). She's a horrendous panicker and a worrier and she wanted the pea out as much as I would've wanted to but panicked about upsetting mil. She's extremely anxious and tried to do the best she could in the situation <defensive> that's what I think anyway grin she isn't a stirrer

Apparently dh also said 'dont tell his mum' which worries me that he's more interested in his mothers feelings than mine regarding the bang

ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 16:07:52

Baby!! Not bang

VoldysGoneMouldy Mon 28-Mar-16 16:09:03

Gagging or choking? There's a big difference, especially in babies of that age, with their gag reflex.

Think you're being a bit U with regard to a pea. Also disagree with your doctor tbh. That said, I completely understand why you panicked, it's horrible to see them being ill. Hope your DS is better soon.

ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 16:11:43

The doctor recommended going back to purées as DS has only just started this gagging due to an injury inside his mouth. The gagging was leading to vomiting. It was silent so I also started to suspect choking. I can only follow a doctor's advice, that's why I went there. He hasn't managed to eat properly in days. that part isn't really the point of the thread though. But you knew that

HackerFucker22 Mon 28-Mar-16 16:12:22

So what did the Dr diagnose baby with to warrant putting him on a 'mushed food only' diet?

HackerFucker22 Mon 28-Mar-16 16:13:27

Oh right just seen your update, so the gagging is due to a cut? Sounds a bit odd to be honest.

ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 16:13:40

See my last post, mouth injury

DoSomethingKirsty Mon 28-Mar-16 16:15:51

Did he gag or choke on the pea?

ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 16:15:53

It's more of a bruise. He was having his teeth brushed and sort of bobbed his head down really hard onto the head of the brush whilst it was in his mouth and hurt his soft palate, and he screamed bloody murder. Then the gagging on food began. It's sad because he usually loves his food and eats a lot but I think the food is irritating the bruise and making him gag.

ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 16:16:47

He didn't gag on the pea as my dh fished it out before he had a chance. Logically, I know there was no harm done etc. it's just that she knew he's meant to be off hard food and she waited for me to leave to give him it

DoSomethingKirsty Mon 28-Mar-16 16:17:15

I thought he was gagging because he was unwell? How has he injured his mouth?

ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 16:18:30

I have given away much info in this post. Probably too much. Hi mum grin

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Mon 28-Mar-16 16:19:12

You were very sensibly following doctor's orders. Your MIL thought she knew better. She doesn't. She was being extremely disrespectful and reckless. Most especially doing it when she knew you were out of sight. She's a cunt and I wouldn't let her within 50 feet of the baby from now on

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 28-Mar-16 16:19:33

Is she stupid. Peas are probably one of the most dangerous thing to give to any baby, let alone a baby that has problems swallowing. Due to the fact that they're too small to chew but also big enough to choke on, if. They get dislodged.

OnlyLovers Mon 28-Mar-16 16:24:43

Apparently dh also said 'dont tell his mum' which worries me that he's more interested in his mothers feelings than mine regarding the baby

This is the heart of it. Your MIL was extremely disrespectful in not following your wishes (or is she just stupid?) but your DH must back you up.

YANBU, by the way.

Homemadearmy Mon 28-Mar-16 16:24:54

Where did your mil go after she put a pea in his mouth if your mother took the baby to your husband and he hooked the pea out and said not to tell her? And why didn't your mum stop her?

DoSomethingKirsty Mon 28-Mar-16 16:26:40

I'm really not sure that a pea would be classed as a hard food, most 10 months old would be able to chomp through one. It's been a few days since the injury and I would be more concerned with getting off the mush and on to a normal diet at this age - I would be tempted to let this one go if you have an otherwise good relationship with your MIL. There may be some big back story of your MIL always trying to get one over on you - in which case you might be being reasonable!

ParisGellar Mon 28-Mar-16 16:27:32

MIL isn't stupid. She knows damn well what she's doing!

MIL was sat at the table eating, mum was just walking round with the baby, showing him out the window etc. she went past mil who popped the pea in before mum could react. So mum went to dh who was sat not far away from mil. Mil presumably carried on eating at the table.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Mon 28-Mar-16 16:28:21

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost is right. Peas are the ideal size and shape to cause choking in a baby. And that's without factoring in your child's injury. Your MIL should respect your wishes rather than furtively undermining them. That's what makes her a cunt.

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