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AIBU?

Feeling let down by my bridesmaid

55 replies

Crazymamaha · 28/03/2016 15:50

I got married last month,and am I right to feel sad and angry and a tiny bit upset that my bridesmaid never bought me a wedding card or gift ?

OP posts:

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Collaborate · 28/03/2016 15:52

Bit precious?

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ilovesooty · 28/03/2016 15:52

Did you buy her a gift?

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holeinmyheart · 28/03/2016 15:53

Well it is a bit odd, but perhaps she is thinking about it. Could it have gone astray in the melee?

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ProcrastinatorGeneral · 28/03/2016 15:53

Depends on how much she had to fork out for the joy of being your bridesmaid really. If she had to shell out for a shit frock, crap shoes, hideous hen do, and a wanky weekend wedding hotel stay she may feel she did enough?

(Caveat: I've just combined all the usual bridesmaid rants, this isn't an assumption about your wedding)

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TheSnowFairy · 28/03/2016 15:55

procrastinator I thought you'd just had a particularly bad time as a bridesmaid

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Headofthehive55 · 28/03/2016 15:57

She gave you her time. The most precious gift.

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Birdsgottafly · 28/03/2016 16:07

YABU, if would be fine to wonder why, but to "feel angry", is ridiculous.

As said, it depends how her finances are and if she usually gives cards etc.

I'm happy to give money, but I hate and usually don't buy a gift, unless there's a gift list, with something on that I can afford.

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scarlets · 28/03/2016 16:13

Presumably she incurred costs due to being your bridesmaid.

I don't send cards any more, for "green" reasons, and a few of my friends are the same.

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witsender · 28/03/2016 16:15

Angry? Presumably she was a biggish part of your wedding?

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StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/03/2016 16:19

It seems unusual that she didn't.

You're supposed to be in a newly wed bubble of happiness aren't you?, stop thinking about it or tell her you're passed off and get it off your chest.

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StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/03/2016 16:19

*pissed.

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Greyponcho · 28/03/2016 16:27

Maybe mention that Aunty Maude was casually dropping hints about the cheque not being banked yet, but you never got a card with cheque from Aunty Maude - see what bridesmaid says about that?
She may say "did you get mine?".
Or she may not.
But either way, don't raise it with her again and get over it.

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Greyponcho · 28/03/2016 16:29

P.s. I was deeply upset that there was no card from DSS (who I get on with really well) when we got married - I had hoped that DHs family would've helped him out in that department, but they didn't.

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DrAmandaBentley · 28/03/2016 16:31

I was a bridesmaid for a friend and didn't buy her anything! I had to pay for my own dress, shoes and transport. Plus I wasn't in the best financial position at the time.

It could be along those lines, or could be that being so caught up in the big day, she has forgotten. It wouldn't be that big of a deal to me if she was there to support you on such a special occasion.

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ProcrastinatorGeneral · 28/03/2016 16:31

SnowFairy no, thankfully I've always managed to dodge the bridesmaid bullet!:o

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curren · 28/03/2016 16:33

How much did your wedding cost you.

Dbro moaned at me that I bought something off his list that was only twenty pound.

I pointed out that his wedding cost me over £600 (including hotel, clothes for us all, travel, running around the last few days to help them sort stuff) and he was fucking lucky to get anything at all.

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FullMoonDiva · 28/03/2016 16:35

In the nicest way possible yes you are u reasonable to be angry about not getting a gift-gifts aren't a right.

I too got married last month, and the day after our wedding my bridesmaid rang me in a panic to say she had forgotten to leave her card and gift for us-I hadn't even noticed! We didn't get a gift from our mutual close friend who actually did a speech on behalf of the bridal party either, other than my dh & I commenting it was a bit odd (for him based on past gift giving to each other) to each other we've not given it a second thought.

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KayTee87 · 28/03/2016 16:40

Why are people presuming that being a bridesmaid cost her anything? I paid all expenses for my bridesmaids, dresses, shoes, hair, make up, transport and jewellery. No one had to get a hotel and my hen night cost £40 pp... I would have thought this was usual practice if you ask someone to be part of your wedding? If this is the case then I think to not get you a card and at least a small thoughtful gift is a bit off. However if you expected her to fork out for things for your wedding then just a card would be reasonable.

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ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 28/03/2016 16:41

My sister in law had her best friend ("sister she never had") as her bridesmaid and was upset as she never got a card from her by. She didn't get a gift but she didn't care about that and was just upset she couldn't even get her a card. She never paid for anything and my sil paid for everything including her accommodation in the hotel when its a fifteen minutes walk to her house.

I got my wedding cards out last month after my great aunt passed to read hers she gave me and read the rest too. I'm not a card person in general but my wedding cards are sentimental and so I understand why you would feel slightly upset.

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Crazymamaha · 28/03/2016 16:45

The reason I was angry was she went to another wedding just after,and had a gift made up especially for the bride that took thought and meaning.Its nothing about the money.I would of loved a card and I just feel a bit hurt or am I being a fool to feel this,and i should just forget about it

OP posts:

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Penguinepenguins · 28/03/2016 16:49

Gift - YABU, don't think you should ever expect gifts for anything.

Card - YANBU, even if she did pay for the bridesmaid get up, im guessing she still got a meal and drinks out of it and that she is supposed to be your friend? would have thought a card to say thank you or write some special words would be something anybody would do.

Or maybe as has been done in every bad US comedy somebody swapped out her gift and in ten years time she will say "you never said thank you for the teapot I brought you"

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IthinkIamsinking · 28/03/2016 16:50

At the very least she should have given you a card.
YABU about expecting a gift though

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GrumpyMummy123 · 28/03/2016 16:55

Probably just forgot.

I was bridesmaid for my sister and was so busy helping her with all the preparations for the big day I completely forgot to get her anything from me.

It wasn't intentional I was just so busy with her stuff I forgot!

Don't take it personally.

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MerdeAlor · 28/03/2016 16:56

Acting as someones bridesmaid is a gift in itself. It takes time, money and care, probably more than you realise.
Why are you feeling so sensitive about it now?

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Redglitter · 28/03/2016 16:58

I've never sent a card to a bride & groom if I'm going to the wedding. I only send them if I'm not going. I thought that was more the norm. The cards usually get read out between speeches so it seems pointless if you're at the reception.

I wonder if I have a lot of secretly pissed off friends