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To think my ex is putting his social life before DS

(9 Posts)
Fpmd1710 Sun 27-Mar-16 22:57:02

My ex dropped DS off yesterday after an overnight stay, and said he won't be having him next weekend because its his mate's birthday so going out for drinks, this will make it 2 weeks before he next has him.
I have two issues with this, the first is that if he is celebrating the birthday Friday night and wants Saturday to recover then he could pick DS up Sunday, if celebrations are Saturday night then he could have DS Saturday day and drop him back early afternoon, I don't see why he's giving his entire weekend up if it's 'birthday drinks'.
My second issue is that April 1st also marks the first anniversary of his sister's death, and in chatting to his mum I know the whole family (kids and all) are planning on going for a meal Sunday afternoon, so I don't understand why ex isn't taking DS with him to the meal if all of his sister's children will be there.
I'd happily keep DS with me all the time, I just don't understand how ex can go two weeks without seeing him, especially over such an important weekend to his family, and as jealous as I can sometimes get over it, DS idolises his dad and gets so excited to see him.
So AIBU to be peeved about the whole thing?

HeddaGarbled Sun 27-Mar-16 23:17:38

No, YANBU at all. Of course, you could have said, sorry, I have plans and not allowed him to dump his responsibilities in such a cavalier way.

WorraLiberty Sun 27-Mar-16 23:26:21

Why does he only see his child at weekends?

I don't think it's a problem that he wants to celebrate his friend's birthday, I just don't understand why he doesn't see his child in the week too?

ClopySow Sun 27-Mar-16 23:26:29

I just had to stop caring about shit like this. I couldn't go two weeks without being with my kids, some people can.

Fpmd1710 Mon 28-Mar-16 00:03:51

WorraLiberty I encourage ex to see DS as much as possible, he works has Monday-Friday, but has to work weekends 1 in every three and these weeks he will have DS the alternative days he gets off. Well that is how it should work, yet it seems like every few weeks something comes up; for example he has had flat tyres 4 times since December, he's had a cold twice since new year, another time his windscreen had a crack so he couldn't drive, another he had to wait in for a plumber because none of his housemates would and another time he was working overtime. All these as separate instances are fine, but when added up just since December, it is quite a lot.
I don't have any issues with him wanting to celebrate a friend's birthday, it just feels like yet another thing that has come up as a reason to not see his child (whom he professes to miss so much when he's not with him), yet he could work the two things into the weekend just fine.

WorraLiberty Mon 28-Mar-16 00:09:28

I get what you're saying OP.

I still think it would be better for him if he had midweek contact too, so that everything doesn't revolve around weekends.

If he really wanted that though, I guess he would have looked into a child minder to help make it possible to mix having his child, with having to go to work.

Fpmd1710 Mon 28-Mar-16 00:23:50

WorraLiberty I've suggested these things, but he will not go out of his way. He says if he pops down for a couple of hours after work he'd be too tired and would get home too late (he only lives half hr drive away), he said if he had DS overnight when in work next day, he wouldn't have time in the morning to get himself and DS ready and drop him off at childcare or now I'm out of work, back home with me. When we were still together if DS was too ill for nursery he would make me call in work because he said he loses more being off work than I do, this wasn't true as we were both on the same day rate, it's just I worked 3 days a week to his 5. Basically he will be there for his son, as long as it doesn't interfere with his life, and whenever I pull him up on the way he is, it starts WW3 where I'm accused of trying to put a stop to him seeing DS, yet I have never done such a thing, I actually want him to make an effort to see him more.

QueenArseClangers Mon 28-Mar-16 00:25:42

If he pays maintenance then I'd be reminding him that the 'discount' he gets for having his son overnight needs to be reassessed as he doesn't seem to be caring for him much...

What a twat flowers

Fpmd1710 Mon 28-Mar-16 00:38:08

Maintenance is one part I cannot fault him on, but ever since we split up he's always made a big deal how he pays for his child so he's not a 'dead-beat' dad, as if this makes it ok to not be there for him.
When I'm putting everything into words on here, I know I'm not being unreasonable but whenever I try and have a conversation with him about it, he turns it into an argument and manages to make me feel I am being unreasonable, as I should understand that sometimes things happen that just can't be worked around, as he constantly tells me

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