I could really do with some advice and maybe some perspective here.
DH and I have been happily married for 7 years and have 2 small DC. From the beginning our sex life was always ok, never fireworks and particularly adventurous but nice enough. However, since years trying to conceive, clinical sex during infertility and then 2 very difficult babies our sex life dwindled away to hardly anything as we were too knackered.
I've always known that DH liked porn and it was something that never really bothered me as long as he didn't rub my face in it. He was always very discrete and it didn't affect out sex life. I will admit that my feelings towards porn changed when we had our daughter as I now see it as someone's child being exploited and it doesn't sit very well with me. DH was aware of my changing feelings but doesn't see it the same way. I felt that it was unfair of me to suddenly say 'no porn' when I knew he enjoyed it when we got together so again I tolerated him using it discretely.
Things came to a head a while ago when he started becoming very protective of his phone. I naturally became suspicious and was concerned he was having an affair, despite him not really being the type to do this I don't think. I got hold of his phone to have a look. His browsing history was absolutely shocking- there was so much porn and so often. Nothing illegal or particularly nasty porn but a hell of a lot. Every time I left the house he must have been straight on the Internet. I confronted him, he apologised and cried and admitted he was addicted to porn. He agreed to cut down and things improved for a while. With his agreement I put the router porn blockers on and he has a mobile phone which is on my account so parental controls have not been taken off. He has been telling me he hasn't looked at porn since but our sex life hasn't improved. He never really wants sex and, when we do it he can't maintain an erection for long and certainly never finishes.
Today I walked into the lounge unexpected. He jumped out of his skin and turned his iPad off quicker than the speed of light, looking very guilty. I asked him what he was hiding from me and he made up about 3 ridiculous stories about nonsense in Facebook. I didn't believe him. We had an almighty row and he admitted he had downloaded a virtual private network to get around the porn filters and I had walked in on him getting is rocks off. Again he was very apologetic, says he is addicted and thinks he has a problem with getting it up and needs viagra. I think all these problems stem from the porn and he needs to treat it as any other addiction by cutting it out of his life forever.
I don't know where to go from here. I am so angry and disgusted by him at the moment. I just think he is pathetic and I feel I have lost all respect for him today. He is over 40 with 2 kids for gods sake and needs to grow up.
I've told him we need a break and he needs to go and stay at his moms for a bit. I don't know where to go from here.
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AIBU?
AIBU to be so angry at DH over porn lies
63 replies
Piratepete1 · 27/03/2016 21:22
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