Lending money to SIL(21 Posts)
I am happy to accept IABU.
SIL asked to borrow money for her wedding. To pay for the ceremony she couldn't otherwise afford, we lent her and BIL £700. No payment plan metioned (I know).
She also borrowed money from MIL. Now she regularly borrows/borrowed money from her mum. He mum isn't over the moon about it but is happy when she's paid back, but SIL takes her time. So after speaking to SIL her plan is to pay us back after paying her mum back because her mum is paying interest on the money she's lent (credit cards etc) . We said "fine". Point being we forgot how "casual" she is about paying her mum back. So 4 months on SIL is posting pics of her latest beauty treatments, days away, shopping trips and it's bugging me! I don't think I could say a word. But I can't afford a hair cut. Our fridge broke down and we've had to buy one on credit because we have no savings. They're driving a brand new car, wearing shiny new clothes, and it is grinding on me. I know IABU because i didn't set any terms but tbh my AIBU is more along the line of so you know people like this? People who can shamelessly lend money and flash their life style? Am I alone?
Clearly the outstanding money is really starting to piss you off and dim your view of your SIL so this needs to be sorted ASAP.
Remember not all is as it seems from the outside. If she's as bad with money as she appears then all these shiny new things are probably on finance... sounds like she doesn't live within her means.
You need to invite her over and have a serious chat about repayment. Tell h3r you need this money back as it's a bit tight at the minute and gt a plan in place.
Take this as a lesson. If you ever do lend money to anyone again make sure a repayment plan and set time frame are agreed. You did a nice thing lending the money so don't be taken for a mug now!
Why not just get in touch and say something like "Glad to see your finances are looking up as you've bought that car, can we have our money back now?"
Yanbu. Just message her to say that your fridge has broken, so you need your money back ASAP.
Yanbu. I picked up someone from the airport, cost me £28 in fuel
plus time I didn't have she spontaneously offered £40 for my trouble, have never seen a penny: I have to accept that's the risk I took and nobody forced me, but I don't much feel like strengthening our friendship. Since then she has got a better paid job but after time has passed I am starting to feel I wbu to mention it at all. Raise it with your sil, family don't go away so you'll be bitter for a long time if you don't.
YANBU. Let's be honest, she's taking the piss out of you guys and her mum.
I know you didn't set out payment terms, but any reasonable person would repay their debts before flaunting their luxuries.
Message her -
Really great to see your finances back in order. Here's my bank details. Couldn't come at a better time we are beyond skint
YANBU. Shortsighted/naive for not getting payment plan in place but certainly not unreasonable. Ask for a relatively low amount -£50 a month and you'll be paid back in just over a year
Surely you just ask her to start paying the money back then?
However, for future ref, I do think it is true that you should never lend money you cannot afford to lose.
YANBU. Why should she be swanning around spending on all this necessary stuff when she owes you money! Tell her now that it's been long enough, she clearly has more ey to spend and you are having to replace essentials on credit because she has your savings so you want them back. People like this behave like it because people like you won't bloody say anything!
I once borrowed money off a friend we were so worried that all are purchases would be noticed and commented on we paid her back quicker. This was pre facebook.
We recently borrowed some money to act as a bridging loan for 3 mouths, it was a lot of money we didn't like doing it but it was the only way to buy the house we wanted due to the way you buy property here (not uk) and selling one in the uk. luckily it worked we paid him back 3 days after moving in. But if our house sale in the uk fell though we knew we would have to less the house here to apply him back as he needed the money back by a date our gamble paid off.
We are in a situation where we could lend money to friends but I would only do it with a prober contract unless you can afford to lose it all
That's dreadful. One reason I usually have some money is because I don't pay hair dressers and rarely buy new stuff. Some people just exploit others.
I liked this suggestion email her "Glad to see your finances are looking up as you've bought that car, can we have our money back now?"
Also I draw up occasionally written one page loan agreements for clients who might be lending an employee a sum of money who is on hard times and we always put in that what the sum due is, if there is interest or not and when it is due back and if there are stage payments. It does help. Is there any way you could send her a short email saying you know it is hard for her to repay but you have seen her new car/clothes etc so hope she is ready to start regular repayments and that you suggest £100 a month from 2 weeks' time and she should set up a standing order and that after 2 months' time interest will start to be charged. I know you haven't agreed any interest but it might just put the pressure on her.
Never lend again for this kind of thing. It always goes badly.
DH needs to send message to his sister. "Fridge has broken down. Will need the money back ASAP. Call me so we can sort out arrangements".
Sounds like she is treating your money more like a gift towards the wedding than a loan.
And never lend her money again.
I think you should say something actually. My SIL is like this and I firmly believe that people being too polite or feeling too awkward to speak up is what allows her to carry on being an irresponsible fuckwit.
You don't have to start WW3 just a simple "our fridge has broken so we need that money back ASAP" and if she has the gall to claim she can't afford it then there's nothing wrong with pointing out that if she can afford a new car she can afford to repay her debt. This should could from your DH rather than you though.
What about her husband?
It was for his wedding as well!
Where does he think that the £700 magically appeared from??
Yes, something absolutely needs to be said to her. Depending on the dynamic of the family, this should probably be DH.
I have a scrounging relative like this. Will borrow or drop heavy hints about borrowing with no intention of paying the money back. We don't lend her anything now and neither do any other family members. She has burned her bridges and she is now 'woe is me' about everything. Tough shit.
You have to be firm with people like this, it's all they understand.
YANBU!! I would expect to see borrowers living on cornflake dust until they've paid their debts!! Not acceptable to show off while you're suffering.
Agree a short message! Glad your feeling better off- perhaps we can discuss repayment of the loan as we needed to buy a fridge?
I wouldn't expect scrimping and saving and cutting back to a ridiculous degree to pay you back, but I certainly would want a commitment to a payment schedule.
YANBU, confront her! As politely as you can muster, but do it. She is taking the piss. If she says she can't pay it all back in one go, then set up a payment plan, I agree with pp that suggested £50 a month as reasonable.
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