I have 6 week old twins and a 3yo. I am finding it so hard to spend time with the twins and give my 3yo the attention she wants. I am torn and upset and exhausted and stressed out by the guilt and inadequacy of it. I feel isolated when I am alone for too long, but bombarded when I have people around, and just can't find a good balance.
My parents live nearby and are wonderful and generous and caring, although j often have a fractious relationship with DM. But on the whole I know I am
so lucky and I appreciate this. I used to see DM a lot but since the twins are born we have had a fair few visitors and on top of this DM wants to come round a lot and at times has been quite difficult and stroppy when I have said no we can't have anymore visitors. When she is here there is no help with the washing up etc, I am Usualy making the coffee and she always brings cake which we didn't ask for, then all the plates get used and that will all need cleaning later and I know all this is lovelly for her, sitting and eating cake and holding the babies. All this while parents are holding a baby each and taking photos which is fine but even less time for me and the kids. Often the stay goes on too long and bedtime gets delayed.
We went round to theirs today for an Easter lunch. I asked DF if he wouldn't mind helping DH for an hour or so to put up some blackout blinds tomorrow, he enjoys that sort of thing so know it is not a big ask. Immediately DM says she wants come round too to hold a baby. My DH has already invited some friends around for lunch (didn't check with me first) so it was supposed to be dad just popping round. I really don't want more visitors after the lunch, if DM is there she will want to chat to me and I will not get to pay my children the attention they deserve. So this evening I have texted DM to ask if we can play it by ear as I am not sure j will want anymore visitors. I know this is reasonable but I am feeling so incredibly guilty. I know I can't please everybody and need to please myself and my children first and foremost, and feel I am barely managing this, but it is very hard when having to disappoint people I love and deny them of something they want. Am I just being a wimp? should an hour's visit from a loving parent really be that big a deal?
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AIBU?
To not want my DM around?
27 replies
aimees75 · 26/03/2016 22:22
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