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To think that DH's view on education is plain wrong? (warning: cultural bias).

(11 Posts)
BlueAndBlue Sat 26-Mar-16 19:18:56

I'm from the continent, DH's from South-East Asia. We somehow met in London. Two DC, 4 and 2yo. This evening he mentioned, as an aside to another topic: "it's like [other child we're nannysharing with] who is 3 and can spell entire words, whereas our son can't spell and he's 4!" right in front of DS.

AIBU to think that this view on education is plain wrong? His way is the way his parents tought him, ie: you're doing bad, other child is doing so much better. My way is more about building confidence in the hope that confidence will help them push themselves further.

Anyways, not that my views on education are very intellectual, or very definite, but I just felt that his comment was WRONG and so COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE on our son's ability (especially when I can see that as a child, he particularly thrives on encouragement).

Thoughts?! Am I on the right track?! or too protective?! I'm really angry. We're not talking tonight.

StrawberryQuik Sat 26-Mar-16 19:34:32

Snap! DH and I are the same cultural mix and also met in London, well Surrey.

I don't think you are being overprotective at all. Who cares if X reads/writes better than your DS? They've barely stopped being toddlers. And why say that in front of such a tiny child, how is that going to do anything apart from make them feel bad? ...because I'm guessing qualifications mean a lot to your DH you can say that's my professional opinion as someone with an MA in Early Years education.

madein1995 Sat 26-Mar-16 19:35:47

I agree, I really hate it when people compare children's abilities because every child is children and they develop at different rates. I'd have a problem with DH saying it around your child - it might knock his confidence and make him think it's pointless to bother trying because he'll never be as good as the other child. Not that that one comment will have that big of an effect, but if it continues it could. Children should have their achievements discussed and celebrated - it should be all about what they can do instead of what they can't

WorraLiberty Sat 26-Mar-16 19:39:09

warning: cultural bias Huh? confused

Anyway, Yanbu to think he shouldn't say things like that in front of your child.

Nobody (adult or child) likes to be compared unfavourably to anyone else, particularly when they have so much to learn.

Kids learn at different paces, just like adults do.

BlueAndBlue Sat 26-Mar-16 19:50:18

Ahhhh so good to have feedback - thank you so, so much! All great things to hear.

amarmai Sat 26-Mar-16 20:36:39

comparisons are odious , right? But it's not a bad idea to introduce dc to the skills they will need in school. Is the nanny reading with them, doing jigsaws, playing board and card games etc. These activities all develop useful skills. spelling is memory work not skill development IMO.

JessieMcJessie Sat 26-Mar-16 20:47:57

Maybe you should get DH to read the Tiger Mother book, as I understand that the whole point of it is that the author eventually comes round to realising it doesn't work. I don't think that a bit of healthy competition between children at school is a bad thing if promoted by a trained teacher, but it is very demoralising to hear your own parent tell you that you are not as good as your schoolmates.

Or perhaps ask your DH if he remembers being brought up like this and whether, if he thinks about it properly, it was a positive experience? Sometimes we behave automatically like our parents did without really thinking through whether it's appropriate.

By the way it's a long time since I heard the phrase "the continent" used to describe mainland Europe! It's a bit outdated now.

BlueAndBlue Sat 26-Mar-16 21:51:24

Thank you thank you thank you all!!! ahh such a soothing feeling. I read all answers to DH who is clearly affected: he's sulking now. He'll come round! It's a win in the long run!

@Jessie: thanks so much for letting me know that ”the continent” is a bit dated, I had no idea!

BlueAndBlue Sat 26-Mar-16 21:52:21

And btw I've just bought the Tiger Mother book, excellent suggestion.

Euphemia Sat 26-Mar-16 21:57:37

As Theodore Roosevelt said, comparison is the thief of joy.

BlueAndBlue Sat 26-Mar-16 21:58:32

Oh forgot, @amarmai: yes the nanny is reading lots, spelling, etc etc, I agree that it's so important to introduce these skills they'll need in school.

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